13:01 - call me crazy, but her ex is an adult. He is making a CHOICE to move away from his kids. He is prioritizing his relationship with his girlfriend over his relationship with his kids. How does this translate to the OP taking away his parental rights and his control? It's not practical for him to have 50/50 if he is CHOOSING TO MOVE AWAY. If he wanted 50/50, he could stay where he is.

He is angry at the OP because it's easier than facing the reality that he's taking the first step to disappearing from his kid's lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish to restrict his parental rights. Damage control is to be honest and say you don't think they should have a relationship anymore with Dad and Dad's only duty is to pay child support.

Did you even read the OP? She said the dad wants to move. And if a court granted her primary custody, then something must be wrong with the dad. 50/50 is the norm.

He can have summers and weekends. They can share legal custody so they both make the decisions for the kids. 50/50 isn't the norm even though it should be.

He will get some of the summer and every other weekend but he is moving two counties away and has substance abuse issues. However, he really wanted to make 50/50 work despite being 1.5hr away — this wasn’t possible. I want to be there to tell them with him because I think we are normally good coparents and presenting a united front is best but he is angry and doesn’t want me included. I don’t know what he is going to say.

OK, so here's the thing: while you might be upset that he is going to do this thing without them, he is upset that you took away all his parental rights (when you asked for full legal custody). What you did is a shitty thing. Now, I don't know about the circumstances, but he has a right to feel angry and upset about that.

You might feel like it is hard to not have control over this important conversation he is having, he no longer has control over any decisions in his kids' lives. If you had really wanted to co-parent, you would have sought full physical custody but not legal custody. You don't get to be upset now that he wants to exclude you when you have so clearly decided to exclude him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish to restrict his parental rights. Damage control is to be honest and say you don't think they should have a relationship anymore with Dad and Dad's only duty is to pay child support.

Did you even read the OP? She said the dad wants to move. And if a court granted her primary custody, then something must be wrong with the dad. 50/50 is the norm.

He can have summers and weekends. They can share legal custody so they both make the decisions for the kids. 50/50 isn't the norm even though it should be.

He will get some of the summer and every other weekend but he is moving two counties away and has substance abuse issues. However, he really wanted to make 50/50 work despite being 1.5hr away — this wasn’t possible. I want to be there to tell them with him because I think we are normally good coparents and presenting a united front is best but he is angry and doesn’t want me included. I don’t know what he is going to say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your kids wanted to live with Dad, and have been living with Dad half the time but the court said they will live with you?

Sounds like they have a good relationship with Dad. Let him tell them.

No,kids are 5 and 7. They lived with Dad because that’s where their childcare was (grandma). He is moving. Not sure where grandma is going. Court decided for MANY reasons, I get primary physical. He wants to tell them in a way that will jeapordize our relationship because he’s mad about the courts decision. I am asking how can I do damage control?

They are 5 and 7. You don't need to do anything. Whatever he tells them will be erased by the reality of living with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish to restrict his parental rights. Damage control is to be honest and say you don't think they should have a relationship anymore with Dad and Dad's only duty is to pay child support.

Did you even read the OP? She said the dad wants to move. And if a court granted her primary custody, then something must be wrong with the dad. 50/50 is the norm.

50/50 is only the norm when parents live in the same general region. It sounds like Dad's moving far enough away that 50/50 isn't an option, and the courts decided that mom should have primary.

You tell them first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish to restrict his parental rights. Damage control is to be honest and say you don't think they should have a relationship anymore with Dad and Dad's only duty is to pay child support.

Did you even read the OP? She said the dad wants to move. And if a court granted her primary custody, then something must be wrong with the dad. 50/50 is the norm.

He can have summers and weekends. They can share legal custody so they both make the decisions for the kids. 50/50 isn't the norm even though it should be.

Do you think he's going to tell lies to make you look bad? Is that why you want to be there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish to restrict his parental rights. Damage control is to be honest and say you don't think they should have a relationship anymore with Dad and Dad's only duty is to pay child support.

Did you even read the OP? She said the dad wants to move. And if a court granted her primary custody, then something must be wrong with the dad. 50/50 is the norm.

50/50 isn't the standard everywhere. In my state you only get 50/50 if both parents agree to it (which my ex and I did).

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish to restrict his parental rights. Damage control is to be honest and say you don't think they should have a relationship anymore with Dad and Dad's only duty is to pay child support.

Did you even read the OP? She said the dad wants to move. And if a court granted her primary custody, then something must be wrong with the dad. 50/50 is the norm.

You can't control what he does, so if he chooses to tell the kids without you, so be it.

Be prepared to answer questions and offer reassurance. If they complain or seem scared, don't badmouth their dad, just be empathetic. Time will help as they get in the new routine.

You sound selfish to restrict his parental rights. Damage control is to be honest and say you don't think they should have a relationship anymore with Dad and Dad's only duty is to pay child support.

Anonymous wrote:So your kids wanted to live with Dad, and have been living with Dad half the time but the court said they will live with you?

Sounds like they have a good relationship with Dad. Let him tell them.

No,kids are 5 and 7. They lived with Dad because that’s where their childcare was (grandma). He is moving. Not sure where grandma is going. Court decided for MANY reasons, I get primary physical. He wants to tell them in a way that will jeapordize our relationship because he’s mad about the courts decision. I am asking how can I do damage control?

So your kids wanted to live with Dad, and have been living with Dad half the time but the court said they will live with you?

Sounds like they have a good relationship with Dad. Let him tell them.

My ex dh and I have been separated and just had a long custody trial. I got primary physical and legal. Order is not yet entered and he wants to tell the kids with his girlfriend tomorrow about this change. Kids are not going to take it well but he refuses to do it with me. I haven’t told kids yet because I’m literally just absorbing this news and was hoping he would take decide to tell them together. I won primary for many reasons but the main being that he wants to move a few counties away to live with his girlfriend.

What do I do? How can I be part of this? How do I deal with the fallout?