Yes if you are a normal step mom.

No if you are the other woman.

Yes I do. I have a very amicable relationship with DH's ex. Together, she and I planned a surprise 40th birthday party for one of the kids recently. One of the grandkids calls me grammy. The other grandkids its a little more awkward.

I used to hate it when my step-parents came to events. I found it very awkward. They liked to pretend they were doing it "for the kids" but really they were doing it to show off their "amicable" divorce and what a happy "blended" family they are, when of course the truth is nothing like that. My events were just an excuse for them to do that, they didn't actually care about being there.

Anonymous wrote:I did not. The exWife felt that she did the work to get the kids to where they are and that I was not a part of that equation.

I congratulated the kids and said things to them like "I heard you were great...."

I was not an AP. We met and married about 5 yrs after the divorce was final.

+1

Ex did not want me coming to the events. I was not AP, divorce was amicable, but she was very upset about any involvement I had with child.

I didn't want to push, as I didn't want to cause an argument between DH and his child's mother, but I think it made it look to the child that I didn't care. Even when the child asked me to come to an activity, ex wanted me to say no.

So each situation is different.

I do, but they live with me, so I'm often the one dropping them off or picking them up. DH goes to HIS step kids events because we live together and so he lives with them. He is often the one helping them rehearse lines for a play or whatever it is.

DH and I both attend my and his kids' events (so he is there with my ex for my kids, I am there with his ex for his kids).

Honestly, it can be awkward, but we try to take the high road. We've figured it's more important to support the kids and send that message.

I suppose I also feel the need, like a PP, to point out that I met DH only years after being divorced. So there's no blame there for either one of us "causing" the initial divorce by having a relationship.

DH's ex is very jealous and that's been tough. She makes comments in front of the kids. Her problem to deal with, and it is tough for her.

My kids' stepmom comes to as many events as she can. She has even come when their father was out of town. I am lucky, though -- she has become a friend to me and my kids adore her. She and my ex have a baby and she includes me in his life as well.

I have two small children and am divorcing. As we are all able, if/when my STBX and I remarry, I would hope that our new spouses would attend all of the above.

Anonymous wrote:Like sports, birthday parties, school events, etc? Or do you think that’s overstepping your boundaries?

My ex's second wife and I attend most of DD's school events. My ex, as was the case when I was married to him, is too busy during the day to go to stuff like kindergarten graduation or Black History Month assembly, so she and I go because we have the flexibility. She and I have a cordial relationship, so it's not awkward. Sometimes we sit together, sometimes not.

If your husband's ex doesn't like you for whatever reason, it might be less appropriate to go, OP.

I did not. The exWife felt that she did the work to get the kids to where they are and that I was not a part of that equation.

I congratulated the kids and said things to them like "I heard you were great...."

I was not an AP. We met and married about 5 yrs after the divorce was final.

I think it can depend a lot on the amicability/contentiousness of the divorce, and whether the new step parent is also the former affair partner. I think the stepparent attending birthdays and school concerts is pretty common. I know some couples where the new stepparent attends parent/teacher conferences and that seems over the top to me, but it also bugs me to see stepparents becoming the default parent of their stepchild.

Yes to all of those things. I can’t imagine how that would be overstepping and I think I’m pretty sensitive to everyone’s roles.

What kind of relationship do you have with them if you don't attend these things?

No, I don't think it's overstepping.

I'm not a step parent. But, my brother's second wife attended the events of his kids with his first wife. My family is very inclusive, so it seemed really normal to us. Now the kids are grown and have their own kids and my brother has passed. His second wife (who he later divorced) is still very active with his kids with his first wife and their kids (her step grandkids). I think everyone's lives have been enriched by this relationship.

Like sports, birthday parties, school events, etc? Or do you think that’s overstepping your boundaries?