Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are boys...and when they are acting like assholes I tell them they are acting like assholes. But OP, I would never say they ARE assholes. There is a huge difference.

I actually don't think there's a huge difference. You shouldn't do that.

This is PP...why not? The way I see it, there is a big difference between describing someone's current state...and describing someone, period.

We all act like jerks sometimes - me, you, my kids, your kids. But that doesn't mean they are jerks.

My children need to know when they are acting like assholes in the moment, and I tell them. But they are well aware that that does not mean I think they are assholes.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are boys...and when they are acting like assholes I tell them they are acting like assholes. But OP, I would never say they ARE assholes. There is a huge difference.

I actually don't think there's a huge difference. You shouldn't do that.

My kids are boys...and when they are acting like assholes I tell them they are acting like assholes. But OP, I would never say they ARE assholes. There is a huge difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel awful now but the shoe fits. My 11 year old - aka 13 year old gives me hell on everything. How do I rectify this?

Begin by apologizing to your child, and then invest time and energy, and maybe therapy dollars, in figuring out why you're calling your child names - which is bad enough - then rationalizing by saying "the shoe fits." The rationalization signals a problem that goes beyond a momentary loss of control.

While OP shouldn't have called her daughter names, there are times when teens actually fit the description. No need for therapy unless it's a recurring problem where OP loses her cool and starts name calling.

Anonymous wrote:I feel awful now but the shoe fits. My 11 year old - aka 13 year old gives me hell on everything. How do I rectify this?

Pick your battles. Let some things slide, especially if it’s something else bothering them. But don’t tolerate disrespect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom called me a bitch exactly once. Dad too. Etched in my memory. Dad apologized, which made a difference.

Apologize.

My mom also called a bitch once and slapped me. I will never forget. Didn't apologize. Still closer to my father.

Me too, but I'm not really close to either of them. My dad was the one who spanked me. My mom called me a little bitch and slapped me one night when I was asking for a ride to a friend's house. I'll never forget it.

Anonymous wrote:My mom called me a bitch exactly once. Dad too. Etched in my memory. Dad apologized, which made a difference.

Apologize.

My mom also called a bitch once and slapped me. I will never forget. Didn't apologize. Still closer to my father.

Anonymous wrote:I feel awful now but the shoe fits. My 11 year old - aka 13 year old gives me hell on everything. How do I rectify this?

Begin by apologizing to your child, and then invest time and energy, and maybe therapy dollars, in figuring out why you're calling your child names - which is bad enough - then rationalizing by saying "the shoe fits." The rationalization signals a problem that goes beyond a momentary loss of control.

Stop trying to justify it like in your OP. Apologize. If you really can’t handle it, consider therapy for your stress or anger management.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like any situation: You apologize with sincerity. “I responded to you using language that I’m not proud of. I called you a name and I’m guessing that made you feel bad. I apologize.”

Or something like that.

This. The two words in the world that you need to teach your child to say is "I'm sorry" or "I apologize". So take this as a teachable moment and teach. Keep in mind that it is okay to call out sass and to remind your child to speak to you respectfully but you lower yourself when you have to curse and demean or belittle. Apologize and move forward.

Completely agree. Be sincere with your apology -- tell her that you didn't like her behavior, but that you should never use that word, especially to describe someone in your family.

We all make mistakes. If I feel like I could have done a better job handling a situation with the kids, I'll talk to them later when everyone is calm. I hope they learn that no one is perfect, and maintaining a good relationship requires apologizing when you screw up.

Anonymous wrote:Like any situation: You apologize with sincerity. “I responded to you using language that I’m not proud of. I called you a name and I’m guessing that made you feel bad. I apologize.”

Or something like that.

This. The two words in the world that you need to teach your child to say is "I'm sorry" or "I apologize". So take this as a teachable moment and teach. Keep in mind that it is okay to call out sass and to remind your child to speak to you respectfully but you lower yourself when you have to curse and demean or belittle. Apologize and move forward.

My mom called me a bitch exactly once. Dad too. Etched in my memory. Dad apologized, which made a difference.

Apologize.

My mom called me that all the time. I’m still in therapy.

Like any situation: You apologize with sincerity. “I responded to you using language that I’m not proud of. I called you a name and I’m guessing that made you feel bad. I apologize.”

Or something like that.

I feel awful now but the shoe fits. My 11 year old - aka 13 year old gives me hell on everything. How do I rectify this?