Fighting is bad. Disagreeing, debating, and discussing issues like adults is very healthy.

Married over 10 years, and we don't fight. I do not engage when I am angry. And if DH engages when he is angry, I listen and try to bring up the topic later when he is calmer.

I do not like to have discussions when I am angry because I am pretty nasty when I am angry. I wait until I calm down and then decide if the issue is worth discussing.

Not everything is worth discussing. There are some things that I choose to ignore if I do not think that a reasonable solution can come out of the discussion.

When we do have discussions, they are issue specific, no finger pointing, whining etc.

Anonymous wrote:
Either they fight when you're not looking, or they brush everything under the rug and will start developing seething resentment at some point.

LOL.. .or maybe they are healthy communicators and share the same values.

Anonymous wrote:
Either they fight when you're not looking, or they brush everything under the rug and will start developing seething resentment at some point.

Or they communicate about things without fighting.

We've had fights maybe 4 or 5 times in our 8 year relationship. And our fights look like us getting a little bit of an attitude with each other, then telling each other why we're mad (in a pretty irritated tone), and then taking anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour trying to come to a resolution. I can think of maybe 1 disagreement in 8 years where the bad feelings lasted overnight.

My husband is super laid back and I'm super direct.

We went through pre-marital counseling and specifically learned techniques for how to disagree in a healthy way (the most irritating one is minor physical touch during a disagreement, like sitting next to each other on thr couch - maddening but it totally works - read John Gottmans research).

Our lives are pretty easy and not a lot to fight about - money is comfortable, families are under control, sex life is where we both want it.

I find it more odd when couples fight a lot. Like... why?

My husband and I discuss everything, but we do not have fights. He wouldn't win, so why bother? He's learned to discuss civilly with me, because if you raise your voice, I will bring out all of my ammunition, and you'll lose anyway. I do not like fighting. I heard enough of that when I was a kid.

Anonymous wrote: My husband and I disagree about all sorts of things but we don't often "fight."

I was going to post something similar. We will disagree and then talk something out. But it's very, VERY rare for either of us to yell. And we don't curse at each other or call each other names or do passive-aggressive things.

My DH and I don't fight. We've been married since 1998. We definitely disagree, but whomever is most passionate about a subject wins and the other caves. It helps that we are lock step in finances and are on the same page with our kids. We also met in college so we really grew up together and have spent more of our lives together as a couple than single. We truly grew together rather than apart.

My husband and I disagree about all sorts of things but we don't often "fight."

I truly, 100% believed that relationships did not exist without some kind of fighting. Going on 2 years now married to a man that I don't fight with. The closest we came was me upset over something he said at a party to which he was remorseful and defused the potential argument. We talk through disagreements but there is also a lot of trust in shared decisions and it helps that we have similar thoughts in life.

Anonymous wrote:No, it's crap for a relationship. When we fight we fight fair, but we are both avoiders. Him, because I don't know why. Me, because I learned not to bring stuff up with him ... all he ever did was get defensive and then want to rehash the fight days later when I was done with it. He snaps at me and I don't like that. I am obviously over sensitive, but it's who I am. Being yelled at isn't my thing.

I'm pretty much over him. But, seeing as we have 2 children and we get along (As you recall, we don't fight) we are still together.

Funny, or maybe not, but thank you for honesty

No, it's crap for a relationship. When we fight we fight fair, but we are both avoiders. Him, because I don't know why. Me, because I learned not to bring stuff up with him ... all he ever did was get defensive and then want to rehash the fight days later when I was done with it. He snaps at me and I don't like that. I am obviously over sensitive, but it's who I am. Being yelled at isn't my thing.

I'm pretty much over him. But, seeing as we have 2 children and we get along (As you recall, we don't fight) we are still together.

Depends on what you mean by "fight." If you mean yelling, bickering, silent treatment, and generally being unpleasant -- yes, it's healthy to not do that. I know several couples who snipe at each other and it's so uncomfortable.

If you mean they never voice disagreement, no, that's very unhealthy. It's normal to disagree and healthy to talk it out.

If you mean they truly never disagree about anything and both are equal partners in the relationship with the ability to disagree if they felt moved to ... that seems unreal but, if real, yeah I guess that's fine.

Either they fight when you're not looking, or they brush everything under the rug and will start developing seething resentment at some point.

Is this healthy? Or good for a relationship?