Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those are only answers you can decide. Will you love the child the same - hard to say. Some parents do, some don't, but the same goes for biological kids.

With social media, its very hard to keep things private. We have open on one side and closed on another. Its been very good for the open side and horrible with the other side which is why its closed now. If you are not comfortable, do not do one.

International or domestic, race is something to consider. Getting a white child is possible but hard. You also need to be open to SN.

Thank you. Can you explain what's been difficult about the second? You changed the terms from open to now closed?

* also what does SN stand for?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we had our first (biologically) we were in the adoption process. Now after having a bio kid, I have more concerns about adopting that I didn't really have the first time. Your insight would be helpful:
1. Adopting internationally: I'm concerned about how an child of a different race might feel in an all white (and very fair) family.
2. Adopting domestically: I struggle with the idea of an open adoption. Yes, I know that studies show it's better for child. We just aren't totally comfortable with it.
3. Will I feel differently about my adopted child than my biological? I fear that I'd be closer to my bio child.

* I think these are valid concerns and would appreciate any thoughtful responses. I haven't been on this thread in years but seem to recall that since it's anonymous there can often be snarky or nasty comments. Please try to refrain ?
Thanks

I can answer some questions. I'm an adult adoptee (transracial, international) who was adopted into a white family. I didn't have any siblings who were biological to my parents, but we definitely were a conspicuous family. Lots of questions came our way- some genuinely curious and some plain old hurtful. You have to remember that your child will always be viewed as a minority and will therefore be subjected to the racism and prejudice just like any other non-adopted minority.

My white husband and I also adopted a child from the same country from which I was adopted, and we have a biological child. So in my family, we're transracial, interracial, and international all in one! My circumstances may well be different than yours because we adopted first and then had the bio kid. I love my children equally. It's hard to verbalize, but it's true.

I must confess that after a lifetime of being conspicuous, I'm enjoying the relative anonymity afforded by being the same race/ethnicity as my children.

I think you're asking hard, honest questions. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Before we had our first (biologically) we were in the adoption process. Now after having a bio kid, I have more concerns about adopting that I didn't really have the first time. Your insight would be helpful:
1. Adopting internationally: I'm concerned about how an child of a different race might feel in an all white (and very fair) family.
2. Adopting domestically: I struggle with the idea of an open adoption. Yes, I know that studies show it's better for child. We just aren't totally comfortable with it.
3. Will I feel differently about my adopted child than my biological? I fear that I'd be closer to my bio child.

* I think these are valid concerns and would appreciate any thoughtful responses. I haven't been on this thread in years but seem to recall that since it's anonymous there can often be snarky or nasty comments. Please try to refrain ?
Thanks

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a biological child who is older and my younger is adopted.

These are thoughtful questions and I would encourage you to contact an adoption agency and talk it through with an adoption social worker. They will not judge you - on the contrary they will praise you for taking the process seriously and help you think through what will work for your family. They have seen so many more situations than I have - so they could address your concerns more fully.

Our adopted child is the same race as us and it does make life easier. If you adopt a child of a different race it is called a "conspicuous adoption" - here is a course you can take to learn more - http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/catalog/courses/conspicuous-families.cfm

There is no right or wrong - there is just what will work for your family.

We are in a semi-open adoption. We exchange letters and photos through the agency. All of our contact has been amazing. The birth mom writes us about once a year to say how much she loves the photos and how proud she is of how we are raising our child. Everyone in an adoption has a different story to tell.

We adore our adopted child. We have zero regrets. I wish you all the best.

Openness is agreed upon between the adoptive parents and the birth family. You figure out a plan together. The adoptive social worker is there to help you figure this out.

SN stands for special needs.

Another really good book we read during the home study was Raising Adopted Children. It addresses a lot of the beliefs people have about adoption and breaks down why they are true or not true. For example, you will hear adopted children are more likely to end up in therapy. The book indicates this is true - but probably has more to do with adoptive parents having contact with social workers during the adoption process and developing a belief that reaching our for help is good - and does not necessarily mean adopted children have more issues.