Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, when you say "it was wholly unattractive," what do you mean? Did you shove her, grab her, hit her? What did you do?

If you physically abused her in any way, I think she should not take a chance.

No physical abuse at all. I was anxious and accused her of an affair and snooped on her. I didn't yell at her, hit her, push her, nothing. That's not me. She emotionally detached.

Op, control issues are just as harmful as physical abuse. Work on your issues.

Anonymous wrote:I think you should get into therapy to work on your issues and also I think you should back off and give her the space she clearly craves.

Yes. You're ruining any chances of reconciliation.

If my DH was accusing me of having affairs when I wasn’t, and there was zero basis in reality for these accusation, I’d probably just say “f*** it. Might as well bang someone else since he already thinks I am anyway.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, when you say "it was wholly unattractive," what do you mean? Did you shove her, grab her, hit her? What did you do?

If you physically abused her in any way, I think she should not take a chance.

No physical abuse at all. I was anxious and accused her of an affair and snooped on her. I didn't yell at her, hit her, push her, nothing. That's not me. She emotionally detached.

I tend to detach when I feel hurt by DH's actions. The only thing that usually works is him being very open with how he feels, reassuring me, and then giving me space.

hugs OP, you are better off without her. I know its tough right now but if she left you because of the reason you said then she is not loyal. You can do better. I'm not trolling on this. Sounds like she was in it only for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, when you say "it was wholly unattractive," what do you mean? Did you shove her, grab her, hit her? What did you do?

If you physically abused her in any way, I think she should not take a chance.

No physical abuse at all. I was anxious and accused her of an affair and snooped on her. I didn't yell at her, hit her, push her, nothing. That's not me. She emotionally detached.

As a woman, let me say it is DIFFICULT to come back once you shut your spouse out and detach from him.

Anonymous wrote:Op, when you say "it was wholly unattractive," what do you mean? Did you shove her, grab her, hit her? What did you do?

If you physically abused her in any way, I think she should not take a chance.

No physical abuse at all. I was anxious and accused her of an affair and snooped on her. I didn't yell at her, hit her, push her, nothing. That's not me. She emotionally detached.

Op, when you say "it was wholly unattractive," what do you mean? Did you shove her, grab her, hit her? What did you do?

If you physically abused her in any way, I think she should not take a chance.

Yep, the only way is to totally back off. Only if she has the chance to miss you, do you have a chance at starting over. But honestly, i would focus on moving on if I were you. I'm sorry.

She gets mad thinking you are snooping? Sure she isn't cheating?

I think you should get into therapy to work on your issues and also I think you should back off and give her the space she clearly craves.

Sorry OP, I hope she reconsiders

Bribe her to go to therapy with you for six months. If she agrees, you will give her x in any divorce settlement without argument.

Have you told her all of this?

Only been separated a month, see each other a few times a week at exchanges for the kids. I text her wanting to talk about the marriage and be a better husband, but she doesn't think I can change. No abuse, no cheating, no major financial issues. She just doesn't trust that any changes I may make will be permanent. I admittedly have some trust issues after some bad things as a kid, but I've mostly put them behind me.

I miss her. I miss talking to her, holding hands, doing things as a family. The new normal sucks. I ask her about her day and she gets mad thinking I'm snooping into what she's doing.

I let her down by getting anxious over marital issues. Instead of focusing on myself, I projected onto her thinking she was seeing someone. It made things worse. She won't forgive me. It was wholly unattractive, and I realized my issue too late.

I'm hoping maybe some time away and space will cause her to reevaluate, but I'm not sure. I still love her immensely and I loved our family. How do I gain her trust again? How do I show her I can be supportive of her? I'm willing to do just about anything for her and the kids. I'm lost now.