Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were. Not WAS

YES! I was wondering when someone would say that. No one ever gets subjective right.

*subjunctive

I make twice as much as my husband in a very strategic position. Our modem died 2 weeks ago while he was out of town. I had to have him walk me through 1) determining it was in fact the modem; 2) identify what to replace it with (modem or modem/router combo); 3) pick out the replacement. He also found it at a local store for me (I could've handled that part). We each contribute our own thing. I'm sure I could have figured it out if I absolutely had to, or I could ask him and the whole thing be handled in a few minutes versus hours.

Anonymous wrote:Were. Not WAS

YES! I was wondering when someone would say that. No one ever gets subjective right.

Are your friends husbands, sweet, kind, generous and great lovers? Do their husbands adore them? You may be well ahead of the game in terms of being happy.

Were. Not WAS

Anonymous wrote:It's ''smarter than I".

It's also "in charge" no hyphen.

OP, what are the "smarts" you wish he had? There's IQ, which isn't necessarily a blessing in and of itself. Then there's common sense, which could also be called life skills. Then there's intelligence to the extent that someone is interesting to talk to about things/debate stuff with. Then there are also tons of other categories, like good with trivial facts, good at dealing with people, etc. Those are more "skills" than "smarts" but my point is I think there are a lot of facets to being "smart." There's also a good work ethic, which can sometimes compensate for a lack of smarts (conversely you can be smart but lazy).

Your post seems to be less about IQ smarts and more about planning/functioning skills, which aren't the same thing as smarts (and in fact, a lot of high IQ people have trouble with things like organizing/planning). I guess I'm just not sure what it is about him that you think makes him a doofus. If he's just all around dumb, unmotivated, lazy, and clueless, then I'm sorry.

It's ''smarter than I".

My husband is much smarter than I am, but I have much better executive function skills, so I kind of run the show.

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband dearly. He is sweet, kind, generous and a great lover. He adores me. But...I think I'm smarter than him. And...it really bugs me.

He's the Phil to my Claire; Tom to my Annette; Homer to my Marge.

I have friends that are so impressed by their husbands and defer to them for decisions, life planning etc.

I am in-charge of it all. Because my husband is kind of a dufus.

I'm so sick of it.

PP here. OP, not sure that you want someone "smarter than you", but instead just smart, which is *absolutely NOT* the answer to everything. I know a lot of women on DCUm think it is the answer, but it is not. Honestly, I think people (both men and women) get tired and lazy, as they get older, but there is no one answer to that. You trade one batch of problems for another, and you would take your old problems back in a minute!

There's a difference between being smarter than your husband (describes my marriage) and thinking your husband is a doofus (hell no). I'd probably take the lead in a trivia match but I'd never make all of our life planning decisions without involving him because I have a more prestigious terminal degree or scored higher on the SATs or whatever other metric you're using.

No two people are exactly intellectually matched, but I can't imagine falling for someone I thought so little of that I'd compare him to Homer Simpson.

Anonymous wrote:Do you get to make decisions and decide?

Because my husband has a very high IQ, thinks he's the bee's knees, and OK, somtimes makes good decisions. Sometimes, they're catastrophic, and he won't acknowledge that, because he's supposed to be the smart one.

+1

Control issues.

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband dearly. He is sweet, kind, generous and a great lover. He adores me. But...I think I'm smarter than him. And...it really bugs me.

He's the Phil to my Claire; Tom to my Annette; Homer to my Marge.

I have friends that are so impressed by their husbands and defer to them for decisions, life planning etc.

I am in-charge of it all. Because my husband is kind of a dufus.

I'm so sick of it.

OP, I just wrote on another thread (about husbands and money) - if it is any consolation, I know quite a few wives first hand who have exceptionally smart husbands (and the wives are also exceptionally smart, not by coincidence). In the cases I know (quite a few), the wives have to take on QUITE a lot, as there is absolutely zero common sense in the other half of the marriage. Which does not sound bad, until you live it - these women are absolutely exhausted. Not to mention, the amount of patience, lack of communication, and everything else that goes along with it. Be careful what you ask for, seriously. I hear about it a lot, it is bad.

Do you get to make decisions and decide?

Because my husband has a very high IQ, thinks he's the bee's knees, and OK, somtimes makes good decisions. Sometimes, they're catastrophic, and he won't acknowledge that, because he's supposed to be the smart one.

I love my husband dearly. He is sweet, kind, generous and a great lover. He adores me. But...I think I'm smarter than him. And...it really bugs me.

He's the Phil to my Claire; Tom to my Annette; Homer to my Marge.

I have friends that are so impressed by their husbands and defer to them for decisions, life planning etc.

I am in-charge of it all. Because my husband is kind of a dufus.

I'm so sick of it.