He's not ready to get marry or to make any sort of lifetime commitment. Maybe he won't be for another 5-10 years. If this is a deal breaker for you, move on.

I definitely did not feel ready to make a lifetime commitment to anyone before 30.

I had the opposite problem at your age. I was with someone 18-25. At 21, he proposed, and I said "no, I don't want to get married before 30. don't ask again until I am at least 27 or 28." He asked again at 24. I said yes and it went downhill fast. I knew I did not want to get married before age 30. We broke up.

If you really want to get married, I would tell him you don't need a ring. However, I really think you are very young to marry. If he does not want to get married in the near future and that is really want you want, seriously, I'd move on. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to get married? Does he want to marry you? Are you bothered because you want to be married by a certain age or because you don't know if you guys want the same thing?

OP here. His mouth says yes but his actions say no.

And no, I'm not bothered by that. It bothers me that I know he's the one I want to spend my life with but that I don't know if he wants the same.

You aren't bothered by the fact that he is telling you something but he actually means the exact opposite? You should be.
I'd say break up. For good and for real. Why do you think he's the one you want to spend your life with (real question.)

OP here. Sorry, I meant to spend I'm not bothered by being married by a certain age. He has all the qualities I imagine in a life partner. The most significant being my mom died from breast cancer three years ago, it was long and painful. . I've had to finish raising my younger brother as a result and he didn't shy away. I was an asshole after that. He stuck by me despite my attempts to push him away. He's had his fair share of shit happen as well. We have grown a lot together.

Anonymous wrote:My cousin met his wife at age 18 and married her at age 25. You're in a period of your life with many significant changes and challenges coming. You don't need to rush it.

I agree with this. I know 5 years probably seems like an eternity but your early to mid 20’s are a time of huge change, establishing a career, trying to get settled financially, moving if you think you might want to move somewhere else. I can completely understand and relate to someone who is not ready to take this step yet. It might be better to go through these growths and changes now, before a marriage, to make sure you guys can weather storms and compromise on REAL ISSUES before tying the knot. I mean what is he most serious life event you’ve gone through up to this point? C’mon. If throwing away a relationship because you don’t have a piece of paper signed by a judge is what you want though, go for it.

My cousin met his wife at age 18 and married her at age 25. You're in a period of your life with many significant changes and challenges coming. You don't need to rush it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to get married? Does he want to marry you? Are you bothered because you want to be married by a certain age or because you don't know if you guys want the same thing?

OP here. His mouth says yes but his actions say no.

And no, I'm not bothered by that. It bothers me that I know he's the one I want to spend my life with but that I don't know if he wants the same.

If he's not showing you that you're a priority in his life and the person he wants to be with, then you've got to let him know and decide whether you can live with that. My husband didn't propose until a full year after I expected him to, and I was definitely getting impatient, but I never doubted for a minute that he wanted to marry me and we were headed in that direction. I probably would have left otherwise; one party not being clear about their intentions when the other has laid it on the line is a type of manipulation and I don't like game playing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to get married? Does he want to marry you? Are you bothered because you want to be married by a certain age or because you don't know if you guys want the same thing?

OP here. His mouth says yes but his actions say no.

And no, I'm not bothered by that. It bothers me that I know he's the one I want to spend my life with but that I don't know if he wants the same.

You aren't bothered by the fact that he is telling you something but he actually means the exact opposite? You should be.
I'd say break up. For good and for real. Why do you think he's the one you want to spend your life with (real question.)

I'm sorry. I don't think he wants to get married right now. If you are happy never being married, then stay together. If not, then break up. He could change his mind; he's very young. But there's no guarantee.

FWIW, my DH and I were together for 3 years in our early 20's and he wouldn't propose, always saying he wasn't ready but couldn't articulate why (looking back, I think we were just too young but no one realizes they were too young until they are older). We split up. We did get back together, but not until after being apart for 3 years. If I had hounded him into it and gotten him to agree I don't think the marriage would have worked. We've been married over a decade now but I think that years-long separation was a necessary component.

DH and I are the happiest of married couples I know. We were in love and best friends from the beginning and so at 3 years I gave him the ultimatum that I wanted marriage and either we needed to get married or I needed to find someone who wanted the same things in life as me. We were 24, which is young, but we were mature and settled. He proposed within 3 months. DH has said in the decade since that he's glad I pushed marriage. He wanted to be with me forever, but just didn't realize that time was flying.

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to get married? Does he want to marry you? Are you bothered because you want to be married by a certain age or because you don't know if you guys want the same thing?

OP here. His mouth says yes but his actions say no.

And no, I'm not bothered by that. It bothers me that I know he's the one I want to spend my life with but that I don't know if he wants the same.

So you've been dating since you were 18 or 19? What's your rush? Go out and experience life!

Move on.

Does he want to get married? Does he want to marry you? Are you bothered because you want to be married by a certain age or because you don't know if you guys want the same thing?

Early and mid 20s and you’ve been together for 5 years? I would guess he’s not ready to get married. You can decide if you want to wait and see if he ever becomes ready or you want to leave now because you want to find someone who is ready.

Who hasn't proposed to you? The stats:
-5 years together but we are young (me, early 20's, him, mid 20's)
-one minor break up, last year so we could "experience" other things which was the only time he brought it up because i was seeing someone new
-anytime it's talked about, it's because I'm initiating it.
-his reason for not proposing is because he can't afford a ring - he doesn't really go out but has a lot in student loans he's paying off
-however, I have said countless times I do not care about the ring/wedding. I would prefer a band and city hall.

I love him but really, how long do you need before committing to a lifetime with someone?