I love to travel and we've been lucky to be able to go on some great trips, even when our kids were younger. However, I wouldn't want to go to Hawaii with little ones. The flight and jet lag are just not worth it. Save that trip for when your kids are older and can appreciate it more.

I would suggest something closer for you and possibly a little cheaper (since it sounds like other siblings would have trouble with this cost too). Or simply tell her that you can't pull that off this year and you'll catch the next reunion vacation. Don't put her on the defensive (she is allowed to have her nice vacations), but just stay it straight and say you're sorry to miss it.

However, if you do give in and go to Hawaii and you have enough vacation time to do it, I would absolutely recommend that you fly to the West Coast and stay there for a day or two before getting on the plane for the last part of the trip. I would do it on the way back too. It will be easier on your little ones and you!

Way too far with little kids. Pick somewhere in the middle like Utah or suggest New England.

Anonymous wrote:I'd say that until the kids are a little older you want to keep flights under say the 10 plus hours to get to Hawaii. I would also ask her about the Carribbean since her kids are more equipped to do the longer flights. I say this as someone who lived on the other side of the planet and was used to seeing little ones on 14 hour flights, of course its possible but its really not fun for anyone- even those with the "good" kids.

+1. This.

Every other year we have to vacation together for a reunion

No you don't. I'm not reading past here

"Sorry, it doesn't work for us this year."

“Sorry but Hawaii is not going to work in our budget. Any other suggestions or do you want to scrap the group trip this year and do solo vacations?”

Hawaii is a very long flight with small kids and the jet lag can be hard on them. I think you can just tell her that.

"We can't afford it."

"We don't want to go to Hawaii."

"We're homebodies and prefer trips closer to home."

Gosh, OP, these sentences are REALLY easy to say...

Tell her it's too expensive. I am in the same boat as you are, where I prefer to keep it closer to home and relatively inexpensive. We plan vacations with others, but I have no problem whatsoever giving the others an explicit budget number and saying no when it's beyond what we want to pay. Grow a spine and just be honest.

Are you a grown ass adult? You don’t HAVE to vacation with your SIL

.....Every other year we have to vacation together for a reunion......

No, you don't have to vacation together. Two things people should be able to do before they're allowed to get married and/or have children: Learn to say 'no' and learn to say 'it's not in our budget'.

I'd say that until the kids are a little older you want to keep flights under say the 10 plus hours to get to Hawaii. I would also ask her about the Carribbean since her kids are more equipped to do the longer flights. I say this as someone who lived on the other side of the planet and was used to seeing little ones on 14 hour flights, of course its possible but its really not fun for anyone- even those with the "good" kids.

Counteroffer the Caribbean. Don’t be pressured into spending more than you’re comfortable with. And Hawaii is not a big deal for her travel-wise but it is for you.

Just say you don't want to go to Hawaii because you prefer OBX, since that's clearly the truth.

Husband and I like to go to vacation spots near us, preferably within driving distance. We can afford better if we reprioritized our budget but we don’t want to put so much pressure on ourselves to fork over more and make sure we enjoy it. No big deal if it rains all day if we only drive 3 hrs and we can come back any time. We often fly to places too but prefer to stay in the US so we don’t have to research so much, particularly with preschool aged kids.

SIL likes exotic vacations. She is very much into being the Jones’s.

Every other year we have to vacation together for a reunion.

She is suggesting Hawaii. We could technically afford it but it would be more than we ever spent on vacation.

I just don’t want to fly that far and spend so much. She is also west coast and I am east coast.

I’m thinking about just telling her that it costs too much for us. Not sure how she will take it.

She also goes on vacation a lot. She has some trip booked every school vacation and half the summer, literally. Also her kids are in high school and middle school and carry their own luggage, etc.

The other siblings might try to pay for it as well but I know it would mean a lot of sacrifices for them too.

Should I just say we can’t afford it?