Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you splitting the costs? If so, do your own thing. From my perspective, we were a busy family and my DH traveled a great deal. I wanted vacations to be only US. Vacationing with other people involves so much compromise.

Wait- are other people getting free trips from inlaws?! If so, I'm jealous. That's my #1 deterrent to these trips. They're costly and I don't get a say.

My parents pay for the huge beach house we get (with my siblings and their kids, 16 people total) each summer. It's their way of ensuring we can all come, because no one has to pay for it. They love the week so much and really want it to happen for as long as possible and they both have plenty of money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you splitting the costs? If so, do your own thing. From my perspective, we were a busy family and my DH traveled a great deal. I wanted vacations to be only US. Vacationing with other people involves so much compromise.

Wait- are other people getting free trips from inlaws?! If so, I'm jealous. That's my #1 deterrent to these trips. They're costly and I don't get a say.

That, and OBX gets old after well, year one. Plus, we have so little time off, we like to mix it up a little. OP, you are more diplomatic than I. Are they reasonable people - do they hear what other people say, even if it is not in agreement? I know some stubborn old people, but it seems like you have nice, kind, generous and fun ILs, so you shouldn't have a problem.

Whatever. Some people love OBX. We love it, our kids love it, but we also want them to see other places in the country (and outside the country) so DH & I agreed between us (nobody is footing our vacations, we do one with my siblings and parents like every 5 years) that we alternate OBX one year and someplace else the next.

OP - maybe your ILs would be open to sharing their "tried and true" every other year and you can pick whatever you want & go without them the alternate years.

Anonymous wrote:We just never got in this trap, but my inlaws like the same places (multiple of the same place!) every year. We frequently say "we love exploring new cities!" "We aren't beach people." "Florida in August is pretty miserable, so we aren't interested in that again." "We did that last year, so we don't want to do it again for many years" "We want the kids to see a new city." I say everything very nonchalant and am blase about it, not mean, but I can't do Destin, Ocean City and Atlantic City yearly.

It helps immensely that DH and I are on the same page. We get 3 weeks of vacation. A week of that is spent around holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter) and we always see family on holidays. The rest of it is spent on our international vacation and a 3 day weekend domestically here and there. We invite inlaws with us on our big vacations, but they have never come with us. Vacation to them means sitting. Vacation to us means exploring different cities. My parents usually join us on our big vacation, but would stand down if my inlaws wanted to come instead.

Agree on the other places, but the bolded is sheer insanity. We go quarterly- it is so beautiful- but then, we are beach people.

We are the same though, making several international trips and several long weekend trips yearly and we don't want to HAVE to go to a place we aren't that into. My problem is also the timing. HAVING to ALL go together- no thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you splitting the costs? If so, do your own thing. From my perspective, we were a busy family and my DH traveled a great deal. I wanted vacations to be only US. Vacationing with other people involves so much compromise.

Wait- are other people getting free trips from inlaws?! If so, I'm jealous. That's my #1 deterrent to these trips. They're costly and I don't get a say.

That, and OBX gets old after well, year one. Plus, we have so little time off, we like to mix it up a little. OP, you are more diplomatic than I. Are they reasonable people - do they hear what other people say, even if it is not in agreement? I know some stubborn old people, but it seems like you have nice, kind, generous and fun ILs, so you shouldn't have a problem.

Anonymous wrote:Are you splitting the costs? If so, do your own thing. From my perspective, we were a busy family and my DH traveled a great deal. I wanted vacations to be only US. Vacationing with other people involves so much compromise.

Wait- are other people getting free trips from inlaws?! If so, I'm jealous. That's my #1 deterrent to these trips. They're costly and I don't get a say.

Are you splitting the costs? If so, do your own thing. From my perspective, we were a busy family and my DH traveled a great deal. I wanted vacations to be only US. Vacationing with other people involves so much compromise.

What do you do when you just keep getting invited on IL vacations? Am I really expected to go on several of these a year? I did my duty and went on one last November and there's one coming up next month.

My issue with IL vacations is that we could go to a great city in Europe for the same cost.

Nope. Same beach, every year. At least I did get them to agree to a beachfront house, so that was an upgrade over the last 30 years.

I'd lay it out like you did. That you want a change for your vacation and can't commit 5 days to the beach like usual. So would they prefer doing a 2-3 day beach trip with you all. OR a week long vacation somewhere else?

Are there other nuclear families involved? DH's siblings and their kids? That would be the complicating factor for us on both sides. But I could see setting up a rotation or something. One year the beach, one year a different vacation.

We just never got in this trap, but my inlaws like the same places (multiple of the same place!) every year. We frequently say "we love exploring new cities!" "We aren't beach people." "Florida in August is pretty miserable, so we aren't interested in that again." "We did that last year, so we don't want to do it again for many years" "We want the kids to see a new city." I say everything very nonchalant and am blase about it, not mean, but I can't do Destin, Ocean City and Atlantic City yearly.

It helps immensely that DH and I are on the same page. We get 3 weeks of vacation. A week of that is spent around holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter) and we always see family on holidays. The rest of it is spent on our international vacation and a 3 day weekend domestically here and there. We invite inlaws with us on our big vacations, but they have never come with us. Vacation to them means sitting. Vacation to us means exploring different cities. My parents usually join us on our big vacation, but would stand down if my inlaws wanted to come instead.

If you are game for including the in laws (such a rarity on DCUM), bring it up to them and see how they react. If they are not interested, just tell them that you guys need a change next year.

If they own their beach place, or otherwise have strong ties to the region, with friends to whom they like to show off the grandkids, it might be hard for them to change.

But otherwise, sure. If they are the anxious type, and worry about number of toilets, or things like that, like my mother, then you might want to research a couple of locations and be prepared to assuage all their worries.

Just what you wrote - convey the message to them. You wrote it well, I'm sure you can speak it well. Don't be afraid.

My ILs are very nice and are great with the kids. We don't mind spending a few days of vacation with them every summer, but the problem is, they like to go to the same exact beach place, and do the same exact things. My husband and I both get tired of the beach after a few days, and even the kids are over it before the vacation ends.

We agreed to do the beach this summer, but have talked (just DH and I) about working on a plan that does not involve the beach next summer. Maybe Williamsburg or a mountain resort or just anything other than the beach. With a few plans in place, we hope to approach the ILs and see if they'd be willing to change things up. If not, we'd maybe just do 2-3 days at the beach instead of 5, and use the time off for our own nuclear family at another point in the summer.

Has anyone succeeded in changing up a "set in stone" vacation with the ILs? TIA!