It's not easier but four is great.

No, not easier.
Trying to even out the #s is not a reason to have a 4th.
Definitely more expensive. We bought a bigger house, minivan.
Now, I'm trying to save $1 million for 4 kids college tuitions.
I think 4 is only easier if you live in a very low cost rural area and you are a SAHM within a big community of large families (meaning less emphasis on education and organized sports and activities)
-mom of 4

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard making numbers equal makes it easier.

Equal with what? There's nothing "easy" about parenting, and 4 is not easier than 3. I wouldn't really say it's any harder though. Running a household is chaotic and stressful and a lot of work. Adding more kids didn't really change that for us. We love our big family and just go with the flow on all the little logistical things. I would agree with the previous posters about needing a bigger car and two hotel rooms when you travel, etc., but all that really seems trivial to us compared to the joy of our big family. I wouldn't be deciding based on things like that. The only really compelling factor arguably is the college fund, but again, in the big scheme of things, that doesn't seem to us to be a reason to have, or not to have, a larger family.

I think if you talk to parents of five or more kids, most of them will tell you how much they love their big families and all the joy that accompanies it. I don't know any large family parents who will say, "yeah we put together a spreadsheet comparing the cost of college and a larger car, etc., and compared that to the return of joy and happiness in order to determine the optimal number of kids..." This is why you'll hear stories and wonder how in the world someone raised a family of six kids in a three bedroom house or how that big family managed to send all those kids to college on a police officer's salary and so on. It's just a different mentality for large families.

It’s because of the balance with three someone is left out of playing together much of the time.

Ex: Things are made in pairs as well at many playgrounds. So two hop on the swings when they are done your other two hop on. With three kne is left standing. Arcades the seared games are built for two. Etc...

I don't think anyone said that ever.

Anonymous wrote:with the 4th you HAVE to get the huge bulky SUV. My honda pilot no longer worked. I had to go tahoe/suberban or mini. Also we now get 2 hotel rooms when traveling. The "babies" go to bed so much earlier than the other 2 we need a space to hang out when they go down. I really love having 4 but it pushes you over the edge into the big family category. When we were a family of 5 we could kinda squeeze into the things/places/packages that were built for the typical family of 4 but with 6 we are double/new/bigger everything. To me its been the biggest financial jump compared to 1-2 or 2-3.

You should have had a minivan with the third. A Honda Pilot is a crappy substitute. OK for two kids, but not three.

OP, I'll let you know come June.

--dh

with the 4th you HAVE to get the huge bulky SUV. My honda pilot no longer worked. I had to go tahoe/suberban or mini. Also we now get 2 hotel rooms when traveling. The "babies" go to bed so much earlier than the other 2 we need a space to hang out when they go down. I really love having 4 but it pushes you over the edge into the big family category. When we were a family of 5 we could kinda squeeze into the things/places/packages that were built for the typical family of 4 but with 6 we are double/new/bigger everything. To me its been the biggest financial jump compared to 1-2 or 2-3.

The biggest thing is that a family of 5 can always squeeze into a regular car. If you’re contemplating a 4th the make things easier, you should probably stick with 3.

I’ve never heard anyone say 4 kids is easier than 3. That doesn’t make any sense. Unless you’re planning on having the oldest care for the new baby.

My friends with 4 say it is easier but they all have a certain personality that enjoys chaos.

As I struggle with getting my 2 to extra curricular and making sure at least one of us watches most of their games, I don't get how 4 would be logistically possible!

I only have three, so take this with a grain of salt: I totally see how having equal numbers could make things easier at times. Everyone has a playmate! What keeps us from going for a fourth are the following:

-Expense: daycare, college, activities. There are cheap ways to get clothes and stuff, but childcare and college are significant expenses. We aren't of the mindset that we need to fully fund four years of expensive private college + grad school, but even saving enough to help is a lot
-Attention: another person means someone else who needs attention. That doesn't change. Everyone would get less.
-Uncertainty: this is true with every kid, of course, but the possibility of SN is a larger deterrent at this point, largely because of the added cost and stress. And even typically developing kids can be crappy sleepers, and the thought of years of sleep deprivation just seems like way too much.
-Work: I have plenty of friends with four kids, and none of the mothers in those families work. I have a career I love and am ramping up, and don't want to hold back on.

But four does sound appealing in other ways. Maybe if I were younger (am 41), we'd go for it. Will be curious to see the responses you get!

Depends on the spacing and the ages of the older children.

And the extra money needed for college, of course. As you know, kids are expensive!

Contemplating a fourth. I’ve heard making numbers equal makes it easier. I didn’t find 2 easier than 1 though...