Every time you communicate w/him, you are taking ten steps back in your recovery from getting over this guy.

You will be in an indefinite vicious cycle which will not do you an ounce of good.

And a huge NO (!!!!) to a FWB relationship.
You might as well take a stab at your own heart yourself if you decide to go that route.

I know it’s torture at times, but stop finding excuses to reach out to him.

Focus your energies on other things:
• Enroll in a class either academically or to learn a fun skill.
You will have many opportunities to meet new friends who can help get your mind off your ex.
• Volunteer in your community.
Walk dogs for your local Animal Shelter or rescue groups.
Play w/cats & help them find loving homes.
• Join a book club.
Speaking w/others about similar thoughts on mutual books read can stimulate some great conversation.
• Teach an adult reading skills.

By doing things for others, by taking the focus off of you plus making the world a better place as well can be the greatest thing you can do for yourself during rough times.

You WILL get over this man.
However it is solely in YOUR hands how soon this will occur.

2018 ——-> Fresh start ——-> Move on.

Good luck!

Every time you talk to him, it rekindles hope. And that hope is what is making this so painful. Try to last longer next time and eventually it will be habit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am totally lovesick. I made it to nine days of no contact but then texted my ex something I thought he should no. He called me back, which I screened, then I called him back, the he called me back and we chatted. He ended the conversation by telling me when he'd be back in town and that he would be in touch.

I don't even know what I get out of it. Part of me wants to maintain a friendship, or FWB arrangement (we last slept together before he went out of town two weeks ago), because I miss him and I love him and I enjoy his company. But the wiser part of me knows I need to stop communicating, stop responding, and treat him like a stranger.

I wish I had the courage to pull the trigger.

I get it. It easy for people to tout no contact. For some of us, it’s really hard. You do what you can. Be strong when you can and when you can’t, welll, you just can’t. No doubt getting over an ex takes much much longer this way. But for you, this maybe the way you have to do it. My analogy is it’s like holding onto a bouquet of ballons. Every so often I let a few go. Once I let them go, I panic and chase them but ultimately they’re gone. Eventually all the ballons will be gone and I’ll be able to move on. I think 9 days is pretty awesome.

It's only easy to recommend no contact because those of us who have done it both ways have already learned how much better and more effective no contact actually is. In other words, it reduces the pain, despite what you might think. And for ALL of us it's really hard.

It’s been more than a year since we broke up. It got easier once I blocked and/or deleted him on all social media and my phone so he could not text or call me so no contact.

I admit that I stalked him on social media for months after that but gradually I did it less and less and I haven’t done it at all in over a month now. I am cured!

Try OP. You broke up for a reason so prolonging the misery is not going to make it any better. Chin up, girl! Make 2018 a fresh start.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am totally lovesick. I made it to nine days of no contact but then texted my ex something I thought he should no. He called me back, which I screened, then I called him back, the he called me back and we chatted. He ended the conversation by telling me when he'd be back in town and that he would be in touch.

I don't even know what I get out of it. Part of me wants to maintain a friendship, or FWB arrangement (we last slept together before he went out of town two weeks ago), because I miss him and I love him and I enjoy his company. But the wiser part of me knows I need to stop communicating, stop responding, and treat him like a stranger.

I wish I had the courage to pull the trigger.

I get it. It easy for people to tout no contact. For some of us, it’s really hard. You do what you can. Be strong when you can and when you can’t, welll, you just can’t. No doubt getting over an ex takes much much longer this way. But for you, this maybe the way you have to do it. My analogy is it’s like holding onto a bouquet of ballons. Every so often I let a few go. Once I let them go, I panic and chase them but ultimately they’re gone. Eventually all the ballons will be gone and I’ll be able to move on. I think 9 days is pretty awesome.

OP here. I am totally lovesick. I made it to nine days of no contact but then texted my ex something I thought he should no. He called me back, which I screened, then I called him back, the he called me back and we chatted. He ended the conversation by telling me when he'd be back in town and that he would be in touch.

I don't even know what I get out of it. Part of me wants to maintain a friendship, or FWB arrangement (we last slept together before he went out of town two weeks ago), because I miss him and I love him and I enjoy his company. But the wiser part of me knows I need to stop communicating, stop responding, and treat him like a stranger.

I wish I had the courage to pull the trigger.

No contact. I did this and I still really never got over it (and I married someone else) but no contact helps and usually solves it.

No contact and write down all the reason it didn't work. And refer to the list every time you miss him.

No contact at all. Disconnect on all social media. It is the only way. Trust me. I have tried alternatives - never works. Cut the cord.

As long as you both are communicating with each other it will be literally impossible for you to move on.

Period.

Cease any form of contact from him immediately, you need to do this in order to effectively heal.

If you do not, then you will never get over your ex.
I promise.

Delete, block, pretend he died. NEXT! Date other men. Have fun, keep busy.

No contact. And you need to pretend he died.

Anonymous wrote:No contact is the only way.

+1000. You should move on. As long as you are communicating, you are hanging on.

No contact is the only way.

I'm having a hard time. Not OP of "what would you do?" And still in friendly communication with my ex, but wish he would come back. Need advice.