Anonymous wrote:My BFF is male. The thought of any sort of romantic entanglement between us makes me laugh out loud. Nope, men and women can occasionally be friends. We were both married when we met (at work), have common friends and acquaintances, so this relationship does not exist in a vacuum. We share quite a bit. Not everything gets back to DH, because everybody is entitled to a bit of private space in their lives.

total and absolute BS.

flip the script - your DH is talking to another female quite regularly. the texting between the two of them can happen at all hours of the day/night, but there is no romantic entanglement. sometimes the conversations are about YOU - perhaps sometimes those conversations are not very flattering about you.

you would be the first on her complaining and seeking advice - is this normal? should I be worried? why is my DH not honest or keeping secrets from me? etc., etc., etc.

Define "text often". Is that a few times a week, or is it a continuing daily conversation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you keeping your conversations with your friend a secret?
Are you hiding the amount of times you text him from your DH?
Would you openly allow your DH to read your messages with your friend?
Do you deep down, have a tingle of feelings for your friend?
Is there sexual chemistry there?
Do you share unflattering details about your DH with your friend?



Answer yes to any of these, and it's definitely an EA. Stop it and step away if you want to stay married.

Totally agree with this.

Well stated! +1

Anonymous wrote:Are you keeping your conversations with your friend a secret?
Are you hiding the amount of times you text him from your DH?
Would you openly allow your DH to read your messages with your friend?
Do you deep down, have a tingle of feelings for your friend?
Is there sexual chemistry there?
Do you share unflattering details about your DH with your friend?



Answer yes to any of these, and it's definitely an EA. Stop it and step away if you want to stay married.

Totally agree with this.

Anonymous wrote:My BFF is male. The thought of any sort of romantic entanglement between us makes me laugh out loud. Nope, men and women can occasionally be friends. We were both married when we met (at work), have common friends and acquaintances, so this relationship does not exist in a vacuum. We share quite a bit. Not everything gets back to DH, because everybody is entitled to a bit of private space in their lives.

Are you OP or someone else?

It's an emotional affair if it negatively affects your relationship with your husband and if you tell him things that you wouldn't feel comfortable your DH knew.

Are you keeping your conversations with your friend a secret?
Are you hiding the amount of times you text him from your DH?
Would you openly allow your DH to read your messages with your friend?
Do you deep down, have a tingle of feelings for your friend?
Is there sexual chemistry there?
Do you share unflattering details about your DH with your friend?



Answer yes to any of these, and it's definitely an EA. Stop it and step away if you want to stay married.

So your closeness with your not emotional affair partner makes your DH uncomfortable.

Why exactly won't you dial it back to accommodate him?

My BFF is the same gender and I think we are having an emotional affair, but no one questions it because we are not opposite gender. Only you know the reality, and it sounds like you know that you feel zero attraction. So, I say you're fine.

My BFF is male. The thought of any sort of romantic entanglement between us makes me laugh out loud. Nope, men and women can occasionally be friends. We were both married when we met (at work), have common friends and acquaintances, so this relationship does not exist in a vacuum. We share quite a bit. Not everything gets back to DH, because everybody is entitled to a bit of private space in their lives.

You confide in this person and your DH is uncomfortable, and you're resistant to dialing it back and want us to vote on it? EA.

Sounds like you are putting emotional energy into this friendship that is not being put into your marriage. So yes, an EA.

Is he more interesting and better to talk to than your DH? Do you feel like you can tell him things you can't tell your DH? Would you feel devastated if you couldn't talk to him anymore? Is chatting with him a highlight of your day? If yes, you might be in the danger zone. It is a fine line, because friendship is important and straight people can be friends with people of the opposite sex without it being sexual, but I've also known people who swore there was no sexual attraction and then they had an affair.

No EA. Proceed.

Have a close friend of the opposite sex whom I confide and have grown close, but DH isn't happy about it. We text often and have a good rapport. I needed a friend about now, so it works out.

DH thinks the closeness is an EA, I don't think so.