Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound smug and mean...especially about the cousin with the health condition, as a PP mentioned. Everyone knows money doesn’t buy happiness or health. Hell, my husband has a chronic health condition that no one would want “for a billion dollars” and we’re not even close to rich. I’m pretty sure most of this forum’s posters know that their kids’ lives are not going to be perfect bc of money, but they’re leaving behind whatever they can to ensure their children have the strongest financial foundation they can provide. I don’t begrudge them that.

+1. I don’t think there are too many adults thinking - omg I’m providing my kids a $10 million trust fund, their lives will be perfect. Most adults are not as naive as you think they are — they realize that bad marriages, recessions, and health issues can happen to anyone including their rich kids. But honestly you’re insecure and kidding yourself if you think money doesn’t make lives easier esp big money. It provides the parents (and kids) the security of knowing that if they lost their job or a pre existing condition caused health insurance cost to triple or they had to spend big money to see a top specialist that doesn’t take insurance, it would be no sweat financially. You’re kidding yourself if you think that kind of mental security isn’t priceless. It’s not all about flying first class and staying at the Ritz in Paris.

Not sure why you see the need to get mean about my post and call me insecure. Maybe you are right, but my post was not for those not-naive people. This forum appears to me to be chock full of people who have a really desperate attitude about money.

And of course money is important and can give you some security. But honestly- who cares? For many of us, we'll never "get rich" and it doesn't matter. If you have two working parents and good insurance, chances are really high that you will make it through a crisis ok. We have to save what we can and live our lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound smug and mean...especially about the cousin with the health condition, as a PP mentioned. Everyone knows money doesn’t buy happiness or health. Hell, my husband has a chronic health condition that no one would want “for a billion dollars” and we’re not even close to rich. I’m pretty sure most of this forum’s posters know that their kids’ lives are not going to be perfect bc of money, but they’re leaving behind whatever they can to ensure their children have the strongest financial foundation they can provide. I don’t begrudge them that.

+1. I don’t think there are too many adults thinking - omg I’m providing my kids a $10 million trust fund, their lives will be perfect. Most adults are not as naive as you think they are — they realize that bad marriages, recessions, and health issues can happen to anyone including their rich kids. But honestly you’re insecure and kidding yourself if you think money doesn’t make lives easier esp big money. It provides the parents (and kids) the security of knowing that if they lost their job or a pre existing condition caused health insurance cost to triple or they had to spend big money to see a top specialist that doesn’t take insurance, it would be no sweat financially. You’re kidding yourself if you think that kind of mental security isn’t priceless. It’s not all about flying first class and staying at the Ritz in Paris.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not sure what your point is. You are describing the difference between your (self-described) UMC upbringing and your cousins' rich upbringing. Of course there isn't a ton of difference there other than in experience.

But if you were raised food-insecure or housing-insecure, then there would be a huge and meaningful difference. Also, it's not clear from your post what your experience was, but not being saddled with massive educational debt is a huge advantage in life.

For sure, after a certain income level (that is much lower than most people on these boards thing), more money doesn't buy happiness. But let's not pretend that that "good education" and stability that you are espousing as the secret to happiness are things that everyone can provide.

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound smug and mean...especially about the cousin with the health condition, as a PP mentioned. Everyone knows money doesn’t buy happiness or health. Hell, my husband has a chronic health condition that no one would want “for a billion dollars” and we’re not even close to rich. I’m pretty sure most of this forum’s posters know that their kids’ lives are not going to be perfect bc of money, but they’re leaving behind whatever they can to ensure their children have the strongest financial foundation they can provide. I don’t begrudge them that.

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound smug and mean...especially about the cousin with the health condition, as a PP mentioned. Everyone knows money doesn’t buy happiness or health. Hell, my husband has a chronic health condition that no one would want “for a billion dollars” and we’re not even close to rich. I’m pretty sure most of this forum’s posters know that their kids’ lives are not going to be perfect bc of money, but they’re leaving behind whatever they can to ensure their children have the strongest financial foundation they can provide. I don’t begrudge them that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be just me, but I have noticed that there have been a lot of posts obsessing over status and wealth and how rich people can just literally buy everything they will ever need and buy their children life-long security and prosperity and happiness. I find the people with trust funds who seem to chime in on every thread about how they are living a normal life but secretly their children will have "security" for the rest of their lives particularly grating.

The underlying idea is that if you do not make or have as much money as you possibly can, you might be doing your children a disservice, which can certainly sting the devoted/obsessive parents on a website called "DC Urban Moms (and Dads)."

I think that this is a huge load of baloney because it is not what I have seen with my most wealthy relatives. I grew up with a set of cousins in flyover country whose parents probably have over $20 million net worth. So not hedge fund money, but not money most of us will ever see. They got to travel extensively and have all the luxuries money could buy. We would visit and I remember thinking that their lives were so perfect. My upbringing, on the other hand, was upper middle class but highly dysfunctional. I was raised by a single mother with pretty bad mental health problems who had support from her family, which gave some normalcy and stability to our lives.

Since my rich relatives and I are around the same age, I can tell you that as adults, I don't think that they have better lives than I do. Some of them went to top schools but so did I. Some of them have failed marriages, or mediocre careers. One lives with a chronic health condition that I would not want for a billion dollars. I have a good career and a good marriage and decent health. I don't look at any of them and think "I want her life." Our family is close enough that I know that their lives have some good and some bad, like everyone else. I don't envy that they will have a large inheritance because I can't really bring myself to care about it. I have also seen people squander huge inheritances but that is a story for another day. I don't particularly resent my miserable childhood because it made me who I am, for better or worse. Money gives people a sense of control over their lives, but it is largely an illusion. There are just too many variables in life.

TL; DR: It's more important to give your children a good education and relationship skills than buckets of money. The marriage partner they choose will probably have a bigger impact on their quality of life as adults than almost anything else you do, and you have very little control over that. And help your crazy relatives because their children will appreciate it. I hope this makes someone feel better. YMMV.

Well said...a little smug...but well said. I think the point you are making despite the schadenfreude (especially about your sick cousin...that's a little too much!) is that money doesn't buy happiness. I think everyone eagerly or at least deep down cannot argue that. I would go further and say that at a certain level of income & wealth any additional wealth really has marginal value. Some people take private jets to multi-million dollar third or fourth homes in hawaii. Some people fly first class to stay at the Four Seasons in Hawaii. Some people fly economy to stay at the Marriott in Hawaii. Some people drive down to Florida and stay at an AirBnB. How much real additional happiness do people get out of those different types of vacations? Especially if you are used to taking that kind of vacation I don't think the marginal value is that much.

Sorry I forgot to add one thought to tie it to OP's post. In fact, I believe if you are raising kids and they are always flying private and staying at the Four Seasons you are actually doing them a disservice. Even if you have oodles of money I think they should experience a road trip, AirBnB, etc enough that they then appreciate the finer things and don't always expect them. Also, can they replicate that lifestyle when they grow up, can their kids? At some point unless you are a bazillionaire it starts to run out generationally and someone is going to have to go from a luxurious childhood to a more modest adulthood...I don't know but that sounds exactly like the wrong direction...everything goes downhill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be just me, but I have noticed that there have been a lot of posts obsessing over status and wealth and how rich people can just literally buy everything they will ever need and buy their children life-long security and prosperity and happiness. I find the people with trust funds who seem to chime in on every thread about how they are living a normal life but secretly their children will have "security" for the rest of their lives particularly grating.

The underlying idea is that if you do not make or have as much money as you possibly can, you might be doing your children a disservice, which can certainly sting the devoted/obsessive parents on a website called "DC Urban Moms (and Dads)."

I think that this is a huge load of baloney because it is not what I have seen with my most wealthy relatives. I grew up with a set of cousins in flyover country whose parents probably have over $20 million net worth. So not hedge fund money, but not money most of us will ever see. They got to travel extensively and have all the luxuries money could buy. We would visit and I remember thinking that their lives were so perfect. My upbringing, on the other hand, was upper middle class but highly dysfunctional. I was raised by a single mother with pretty bad mental health problems who had support from her family, which gave some normalcy and stability to our lives.

Since my rich relatives and I are around the same age, I can tell you that as adults, I don't think that they have better lives than I do. Some of them went to top schools but so did I. Some of them have failed marriages, or mediocre careers. One lives with a chronic health condition that I would not want for a billion dollars. I have a good career and a good marriage and decent health. I don't look at any of them and think "I want her life." Our family is close enough that I know that their lives have some good and some bad, like everyone else. I don't envy that they will have a large inheritance because I can't really bring myself to care about it. I have also seen people squander huge inheritances but that is a story for another day. I don't particularly resent my miserable childhood because it made me who I am, for better or worse. Money gives people a sense of control over their lives, but it is largely an illusion. There are just too many variables in life.

TL; DR: It's more important to give your children a good education and relationship skills than buckets of money. The marriage partner they choose will probably have a bigger impact on their quality of life as adults than almost anything else you do, and you have very little control over that. And help your crazy relatives because their children will appreciate it. I hope this makes someone feel better. YMMV.

Well said...a little smug...but well said. I think the point you are making despite the schadenfreude (especially about your sick cousin...that's a little too much!) is that money doesn't buy happiness. I think everyone eagerly or at least deep down cannot argue that. I would go further and say that at a certain level of income & wealth any additional wealth really has marginal value. Some people take private jets to multi-million dollar third or fourth homes in hawaii. Some people fly first class to stay at the Four Seasons in Hawaii. Some people fly economy to stay at the Marriott in Hawaii. Some people drive down to Florida and stay at an AirBnB. How much real additional happiness do people get out of those different types of vacations? Especially if you are used to taking that kind of vacation I don't think the marginal value is that much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be just me, but I have noticed that there have been a lot of posts obsessing over status and wealth and how rich people can just literally buy everything they will ever need and buy their children life-long security and prosperity and happiness. I find the people with trust funds who seem to chime in on every thread about how they are living a normal life but secretly their children will have "security" for the rest of their lives particularly grating.

The underlying idea is that if you do not make or have as much money as you possibly can, you might be doing your children a disservice, which can certainly sting the devoted/obsessive parents on a website called "DC Urban Moms (and Dads)."

I think that this is a huge load of baloney because it is not what I have seen with my most wealthy relatives. I grew up with a set of cousins in flyover country whose parents probably have over $20 million net worth. So not hedge fund money, but not money most of us will ever see. They got to travel extensively and have all the luxuries money could buy. We would visit and I remember thinking that their lives were so perfect. My upbringing, on the other hand, was upper middle class but highly dysfunctional. I was raised by a single mother with pretty bad mental health problems who had support from her family, which gave some normalcy and stability to our lives.

Since my rich relatives and I are around the same age, I can tell you that as adults, I don't think that they have better lives than I do. Some of them went to top schools but so did I. Some of them have failed marriages, or mediocre careers. One lives with a chronic health condition that I would not want for a billion dollars. I have a good career and a good marriage and decent health. I don't look at any of them and think "I want her life." Our family is close enough that I know that their lives have some good and some bad, like everyone else. I don't envy that they will have a large inheritance because I can't really bring myself to care about it. I have also seen people squander huge inheritances but that is a story for another day. I don't particularly resent my miserable childhood because it made me who I am, for better or worse. Money gives people a sense of control over their lives, but it is largely an illusion. There are just too many variables in life.

TL; DR: It's more important to give your children a good education and relationship skills than buckets of money. The marriage partner they choose will probably have a bigger impact on their quality of life as adults than almost anything else you do, and you have very little control over that. And help your crazy relatives because their children will appreciate it. I hope this makes someone feel better. YMMV.

Well said...a little smug...but well said. I think the point you are making despite the schadenfreude (especially about your sick cousin...that's a little too much!) is that money doesn't buy happiness. I think everyone eagerly or at least deep down cannot argue that. I would go further and say that at a certain level of income & wealth any additional wealth really has marginal value. Some people take private jets to multi-million dollar third or fourth homes in hawaii. Some people fly first class to stay at the Four Seasons in Hawaii. Some people fly economy to stay at the Marriott in Hawaii. Some people drive down to Florida and stay at an AirBnB. How much real additional happiness do people get out of those different types of vacations? Especially if you are used to taking that kind of vacation I don't think the marginal value is that much.

Anonymous wrote:This may be just me, but I have noticed that there have been a lot of posts obsessing over status and wealth and how rich people can just literally buy everything they will ever need and buy their children life-long security and prosperity and happiness. I find the people with trust funds who seem to chime in on every thread about how they are living a normal life but secretly their children will have "security" for the rest of their lives particularly grating.

The underlying idea is that if you do not make or have as much money as you possibly can, you might be doing your children a disservice, which can certainly sting the devoted/obsessive parents on a website called "DC Urban Moms (and Dads)."

I think that this is a huge load of baloney because it is not what I have seen with my most wealthy relatives. I grew up with a set of cousins in flyover country whose parents probably have over $20 million net worth. So not hedge fund money, but not money most of us will ever see. They got to travel extensively and have all the luxuries money could buy. We would visit and I remember thinking that their lives were so perfect. My upbringing, on the other hand, was upper middle class but highly dysfunctional. I was raised by a single mother with pretty bad mental health problems who had support from her family, which gave some normalcy and stability to our lives.

Since my rich relatives and I are around the same age, I can tell you that as adults, I don't think that they have better lives than I do. Some of them went to top schools but so did I. Some of them have failed marriages, or mediocre careers. One lives with a chronic health condition that I would not want for a billion dollars. I have a good career and a good marriage and decent health. I don't look at any of them and think "I want her life." Our family is close enough that I know that their lives have some good and some bad, like everyone else. I don't envy that they will have a large inheritance because I can't really bring myself to care about it. I have also seen people squander huge inheritances but that is a story for another day. I don't particularly resent my miserable childhood because it made me who I am, for better or worse. Money gives people a sense of control over their lives, but it is largely an illusion. There are just too many variables in life.

TL; DR: It's more important to give your children a good education and relationship skills than buckets of money. The marriage partner they choose will probably have a bigger impact on their quality of life as adults than almost anything else you do, and you have very little control over that. And help your crazy relatives because their children will appreciate it. I hope this makes someone feel better. YMMV.