It is very unlikely that I'd date or marry a disabled person.

If my DH became disabled, then of course I'd stand by him. However, I'm already madly in love and have a history. If he became suddenly diabled, I'd be more worried about how hard he would come down on himself, so I'd have to stay strong and never make him feel any worse for it.

If something happened to my husband I have no doubt that I would stay with him...that being said, I feel terrible saying this but I know I wouldn't have started dating someone who was disabled. i'd like to think i would, but i just know i wouldn't. i did date someone with a mild case of tourettes and that didn't bother me at all, but i don't think i could have dated someone who was physically challenged. i'm also a very outdoorsy person and I think even someone who isn't physically challenged but doesn't like hiking, etc. wouldn't have worked out.

however, my SIL's sister met a man without legs (from an accident) and they got married and have a daughter now. they are very happy.

My ex-husband is profoundly deaf but primarily an English speaker, with some signing as a back-up. Something like 90% of hearing-deaf marriages end in divorce, as ours did. Considering our incompatibility, our marriage would have ended if he were a concert pianist. But being married to a completely deaf person is really hard. You have to interpret at parties where it's too loud/dark for him to speech read, which means no independent conversations of your own. No concerts. No movies except a handful of captioned ones. You can't whisper to each other in bed without turning the light on. When the baby cries, he doesn't wake up and you end up doing 100% of nights on your own. I remember him waking me up when he was ready for work and saying "how'd the night go?" I wanted to kill him. But then, it would have felt weird to get him up just to bring the baby to me, even though my c-section recovery was horrible. When he'd yell from the next room, I'd have to go to him, but I couldn't yell to him. He had serious communication problems with our daughter when she was a toddler, and continues to be somewhat challenged in communicating with her. It's borderline dangerous to try to talk in the car, and my daughter can't talk to him at all from the back seat.

People who are deaf since birth or childhood can often have a more isolated approach to the rest of the world, because they have been shut out of many conversations through life, especially if they have been mainstreamed and not in the (signing) deaf community. For a hearing person, that capacity for solitude can be very challenging.

I know of two hearing-deaf couples who have worked out well so far. You have to be a very laid back person and it helps not to enjoy music too much, because for someone who uses speech reading and their limited residual hearing to communicate, background noise is challenging.

Studies show that in most hearing-deaf marriages, the hearing parent becomes the primary parent if the children are hearing. It can be a big strain on the hearing parent and a source of discord for the couple.

I don't know if I would marry someone with a mobility impairment, but people should not take the challenges of hearing-deaf relationships lightly. It is like two very foreign cultures, but without the capacity to assimilate fully.

I'd like to think that I would start dating a disabled man - I have a sister with MS and she actually had a fiance break up with her because he told her he couldn't handle it - what a POS, but I suppose at least she found out before she married him.

I'm really crazy about my husband, so I would absolutely be there for him if anything happened.

Anonymous wrote:I broke up with a boyfriend who told me that he would not be able to put up with a disabled wife.
I am healthy. He just sounded selfish.

Selfish, but honest-saved you a lot of possible years of unhappiness.

I broke up with a boyfriend who told me that he would not be able to put up with a disabled wife.
I am healthy. He just sounded selfish.

Anonymous wrote:I would marry anyone I fell in love with. The question is would I take the opportunity to get to know a disabled person well enough to fall in love with them? Have to do some soul searching to answer that one.

I think this is the key question.

I would marry anyone I fell in love with. The question is would I take the opportunity to get to know a disabled person well enough to fall in love with them? Have to do some soul searching to answer that one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting piece in the WaPo yesterday about a couple who just got married. He's paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Interesting discussion of how he dealt with dating and being in a wheelchair and the response of his wife-to-be that made her stand out.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/03/AR2009090304276.html?sub=AR

What do you think would have happened if the shoe were on the other foot. Would he have married her if she were the one with the disability.

WRT the obesity thing. That is different. Obesity reflects a behavior. If a person was disabled due to bad behavior I probably would want nothing to do with them. But many disabilities are due to bad luck. So from that perspective, the comparison is unfair.

Yes, I think that is less certain. Also, I noticed that he has a good job and is professionally successful. That probably makes a huge difference for a man.

I would marry someone who is physically disabled before I married someone who was mentally disabled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting piece in the WaPo yesterday about a couple who just got married. He's paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Interesting discussion of how he dealt with dating and being in a wheelchair and the response of his wife-to-be that made her stand out.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/03/AR2009090304276.html?sub=AR

What do you think would have happened if the shoe were on the other foot. Would he have married her if she were the one with the disability.

WRT the obesity thing. That is different. Obesity reflects a behavior. If a person was disabled due to bad behavior I probably would want nothing to do with them. But many disabilities are due to bad luck. So from that perspective, the comparison is unfair.

Yes, I think that is less certain. Also, I noticed that he has a good job and is professionally successful. That probably makes a huge difference for a man.

Anonymous wrote:Interesting piece in the WaPo yesterday about a couple who just got married. He's paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Interesting discussion of how he dealt with dating and being in a wheelchair and the response of his wife-to-be that made her stand out.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/03/AR2009090304276.html?sub=AR

What do you think would have happened if the shoe were on the other foot. Would he have married her if she were the one with the disability.

WRT the obesity thing. That is different. Obesity reflects a behavior. If a person was disabled due to bad behavior I probably would want nothing to do with them. But many disabilities are due to bad luck. So from that perspective, the comparison is unfair.

What an awesome story!

I think you are asking two different questions. Would I stick around if something happened to my spouse that made him disabled? I hope I would. I'd like to think I would. I guess we never know until we are in that situation - I'm sure personalities change etc. but I would like to think we'd work through it.

The other question - would I date, fall in love with, marry a man who was disabled? Well I met my husband when I was 23 so I was a different person then. Who knows. It would have been hard for me to fall in love with a disabled man then, I wasn't nearly as confident in myself.

My uncle met my aunt when she was in a wheel chair. They have been married for years and have a teen together - getting ready to go off to college. So obviously, some people would. Not everyone would. There are a lot of obese single people too. Unfortunately people, myself included, can have a tough time looking beyond the surface. I have had disabled friends and obese friends but I have dated neither.

Interesting piece in the WaPo yesterday about a couple who just got married. He's paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Interesting discussion of how he dealt with dating and being in a wheelchair and the response of his wife-to-be that made her stand out.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/03/AR2009090304276.html?sub=AR

I see a woman at work who has spina bifida, she is paralyze from her waist down. She is single, very pretty, and nice. I wonder how many people would consider a relationship with her. If I met a nice man in a similar condition, I would date or marry him. That said, I wonder how many other people would do the same. I also wonder what would happen if I were in the same position as she is. How many of our spouses would stick around.