Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom won’t, or doesn’t like to, see our child unless she can take her for hours and hours, alone. Like the latest instance, she keeps saying she wants to take DD to see Santa. Ok, great! Tuesday or Wednesday after school works great! But that won’t work, because she’s hoping to see her for the whole day, not just a couple hours after school. And weekends don’t always work for us. DD has activities or we have family things planned.

And it’s not just this instance. This happens all the time. She misses DD. Ok, come for dinner. But she won’t, because we will be there. She won’t come after school, because she wants alone time and because she wants hours. She always says, “I’ll come when I can take her out for the day.” Then she gets mad when we can’t accomodate that as often as she’d like. Do I tell her take it or leave it, or accommodate?

Wait, so when do you see your mom?

This is OP. She has no problem inviting us over, or out to dinner. But she refuses to just come over our house. She will pass up an opportunity to see the granddaughter she claims she misses, because she can’t take her for hours. We always see her once a month, usually two times. Always at her house.

Can't she come over for a couple hours and then take DD out to dinner on her own or something? She insists on a whole day? I can see wanting alone time. But the insistence on a whole day is odd unless she has specific activities planned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom won’t, or doesn’t like to, see our child unless she can take her for hours and hours, alone. Like the latest instance, she keeps saying she wants to take DD to see Santa. Ok, great! Tuesday or Wednesday after school works great! But that won’t work, because she’s hoping to see her for the whole day, not just a couple hours after school. And weekends don’t always work for us. DD has activities or we have family things planned.

And it’s not just this instance. This happens all the time. She misses DD. Ok, come for dinner. But she won’t, because we will be there. She won’t come after school, because she wants alone time and because she wants hours. She always says, “I’ll come when I can take her out for the day.” Then she gets mad when we can’t accomodate that as often as she’d like. Do I tell her take it or leave it, or accommodate?

Wait, so when do you see your mom?

This is OP. She has no problem inviting us over, or out to dinner. But she refuses to just come over our house. She will pass up an opportunity to see the granddaughter she claims she misses, because she can’t take her for hours. We always see her once a month, usually two times. Always at her house.

Anonymous wrote:My mom won’t, or doesn’t like to, see our child unless she can take her for hours and hours, alone. Like the latest instance, she keeps saying she wants to take DD to see Santa. Ok, great! Tuesday or Wednesday after school works great! But that won’t work, because she’s hoping to see her for the whole day, not just a couple hours after school. And weekends don’t always work for us. DD has activities or we have family things planned.

And it’s not just this instance. This happens all the time. She misses DD. Ok, come for dinner. But she won’t, because we will be there. She won’t come after school, because she wants alone time and because she wants hours. She always says, “I’ll come when I can take her out for the day.” Then she gets mad when we can’t accomodate that as often as she’d like. Do I tell her take it or leave it, or accommodate?

Wait, so when do you see your mom?

Does she want the alone time because she feels criticized by the parents?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very common and important in my culture. Grandparents...especially grandmothers…want to form a different bond with their grandchildren outside of the parents. And yes in my culture you basically do give the grandma "whatever they want". Thats the honor of being the matriarch of the family.

Yeah, no. Not sure what your culture is, but in my culture and in my family, my husband and I are in charge.

That was my post. I totally understand, Im just stating that its a common thing in my (Persian Muslim) culture. I understand it can have some negatives or be a burden but to us its important for the grandmother to feel like she has a special bond with her children and grandchildren.

Anonymous wrote:This is very common and important in my culture. Grandparents...especially grandmothers…want to form a different bond with their grandchildren outside of the parents. And yes in my culture you basically do give the grandma "whatever they want". Thats the honor of being the matriarch of the family.

Yeah, no. Not sure what your culture is, but in my culture and in my family, my husband and I are in charge.

This is very common and important in my culture. Grandparents...especially grandmothers…want to form a different bond with their grandchildren outside of the parents. And yes in my culture you basically do give the grandma "whatever they want". Thats the honor of being the matriarch of the family.

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get this- do you not have a day every so often like 1 time per month or so that you guys don't want a break/ day off from parenting? Because that sounds pretty win-win to me.

What I don’t get is why the grandma needs to be alone all day? That’s really odd.

I don't really get this- do you not have a day every so often like 1 time per month or so that you guys don't want a break/ day off from parenting? Because that sounds pretty win-win to me.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you ppl are complaining about free babysitters. Drop the kid off and come back in 2-3 days. Wow.

Right. We should just give in and do whatever grandma wants.

On the contrary, should grandma be available each and every time I want to dump my kids off on her? Should she drop everything and change plans because I want free babysitting NOW?

Take it or leave it. Sheesh. Where do these grandparents get off making demands for unfettered access to kids? So obnoxious.

I don't know why you ppl are complaining about free babysitters. Drop the kid off and come back in 2-3 days. Wow.

Don't accommodate. Number 1,
this approach will just result in her being able to spend less and less time with your DD as she gets older. Once she starts playing sports, etc she will have her weekends fully booked. Number 2 that's ridiculous.

No, you don't accommodate

My mom won’t, or doesn’t like to, see our child unless she can take her for hours and hours, alone. Like the latest instance, she keeps saying she wants to take DD to see Santa. Ok, great! Tuesday or Wednesday after school works great! But that won’t work, because she’s hoping to see her for the whole day, not just a couple hours after school. And weekends don’t always work for us. DD has activities or we have family things planned.

And it’s not just this instance. This happens all the time. She misses DD. Ok, come for dinner. But she won’t, because we will be there. She won’t come after school, because she wants alone time and because she wants hours. She always says, “I’ll come when I can take her out for the day.” Then she gets mad when we can’t accomodate that as often as she’d like. Do I tell her take it or leave it, or accommodate?