Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: why is it called the sandwich "generation"? Doesn't every generation have to deal with both kids and aging parents at some point?

People are waiting longer to have kids and elderly folk are living longer. Thus a woman in her 50's (like me) has an 11 year old and an 87 year old mother. Not the usual case 20 years ago. It happened sometimes, but there was not an entire generation with both little ones and very aged incapacitated parents to deal with at the same time.

+1

My mothers parents are in their early 80s and all her children have been out of the house for 10+ years.

Anonymous wrote:Question: why is it called the sandwich "generation"? Doesn't every generation have to deal with both kids and aging parents at some point?

People are waiting longer to have kids and elderly folk are living longer. Thus a woman in her 50's (like me) has an 11 year old and an 87 year old mother. Not the usual case 20 years ago. It happened sometimes, but there was not an entire generation with both little ones and very aged incapacitated parents to deal with at the same time.

My spouse and I are both the youngest (late children) and we had children late. My parents are 85 and 91. My MIL is 86. And our twins are 6. I have definitely had some sandwich generation issues in the last 2-3 years, so I sympathize with you greatly.

Yup. Elderly MIL in physical decline and also in financial crisis so we have to see her weekly an hour away from home. Also a teenage daughter who will be leaving for college far too soon.

Question: why is it called the sandwich "generation"? Doesn't every generation have to deal with both kids and aging parents at some point?

I am a primary caretaker for my MIL and younger kids... very hard.

Oh, so sorry, PP!

Right there with all of you.

Elderly father wants me to spend my two weeks of use-or-lose leave with him and mom because what else do I have to do? Just make the holidays work and take care of my severely disabled child...

You're not alone, OP!

We have small kids plus parents who have serious health problems but are delusional (not clinically) about them and make decisions that seem to be honestly contrary to what we all can see is reality.

But my DH lost his mom in his 20's so even though she would be a huge PITA today and right in there with the rest of him, he'd much rather that.

On the tough days I try to remind myself that I'm lucky my almost-50 self still has my parents at all.

Thank you all for the support. I'm so sorry to hear about what you are all dealing with, too. I'd say that I hope things take a positive turn for you all but I truly can't see that this situation with the parents gets any better. It's especially hard when they are difficult people like my mom who complain all the time rather than recognize anything people are trying to do to help.

We just had to abandon our Thanksgiving plans to drive 8 hours in the opposite direction because FIL was having a health “crisis” ( turned out to be ok, but BIL who is local is a terrible communicator and made it sound like he could drop dead any time). Realized how much FIL’s wife has declined cognitively and FIL really needs to get some help with her so he can take care of himself more.

I hear ya. I have kids and parents to care for but my parents are not only ungrateful and think it is just a given I care for them, their politics and voting practices only further ensure my kids will have to take care of me too some day.

Right there with you. Mom is undergoing chemo and my kids are 3 and under. Some days are harder than others, but I try to remind myself to find joy everyday.

Feel for you, OP. My now young adult kids are now on their own, mom is still kicking, but it's easier.

The descriptor of sandwich generation is feeling literal to me this morning as I have spent the last three hours batting back problems with my teen and my elderly mother and am feeling physical pressure in my chest, head, back ..

I was heading out to exercise but got sidetracked with these calls. I was going to meditate but the phone kept ringing.

Thanks for letting me vent.