Anonymous wrote:Yes, as an outsider, it sounds odd when someone asks how do I manage my anger when my special needs child acts up? and she is told "medicate your child." No one is advising OP what to do for and with herself.

I have a child with less challenging issues so far (ASD, but very high-functioning, and some anxiety.) I find myself with irrational anger sometimes. It's anger at my son's behavior, but its roots are in issues with my mother and my husband (who also, most likely, is on the spectrum.)

I find the best thing for managing my anger is therapy (for me) and outdoor exercise and meditation. And also taking a weekend away by myself or with friends at least a couple times a year. A little distance goes a long way.

At least 2-3 people on this thread also suggested therapy and / or medication for the parent.

Yes, as an outsider, it sounds odd when someone asks how do I manage my anger when my special needs child acts up? and she is told "medicate your child." No one is advising OP what to do for and with herself.

I have a child with less challenging issues so far (ASD, but very high-functioning, and some anxiety.) I find myself with irrational anger sometimes. It's anger at my son's behavior, but its roots are in issues with my mother and my husband (who also, most likely, is on the spectrum.)

I find the best thing for managing my anger is therapy (for me) and outdoor exercise and meditation. And also taking a weekend away by myself or with friends at least a couple times a year. A little distance goes a long way.

Op here - I was talking about my own anger but in response to child's frequent tantrum/meltdowns over what should be happy family experiences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my DD medication worked. We waited too long, 15 and I still wonder if her emotion regulating suffered bcs of it. The difference is very marked on the weekends when she is not on her medication. She also sees a therapist. And I basically asked her Dr to help me understand how to cope with my DD. I use 'yes, your teen is crazy," and a lot of advice there works for how I regulate my own behavior with DD.

You don't medicate for dyslexia. The op needs medication if this kid's disability is pushing her buttons.

The OP said her kid had ADHD and dyslexia.

You're right. I was assuming op was talking about her own anger.

Anger is a secondary emotion - I suspect she or you needs professional help to get to the bottom of your distress. It’s a sign that things are out of whack. Help via therapy, a parenting class and maybe meds will help things I’m sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my DD medication worked. We waited too long, 15 and I still wonder if her emotion regulating suffered bcs of it. The difference is very marked on the weekends when she is not on her medication. She also sees a therapist. And I basically asked her Dr to help me understand how to cope with my DD. I use 'yes, your teen is crazy," and a lot of advice there works for how I regulate my own behavior with DD.

You don't medicate for dyslexia. The op needs medication if this kid's disability is pushing her buttons.

The OP said her kid had ADHD and dyslexia.

Anonymous wrote:For my DD medication worked. We waited too long, 15 and I still wonder if her emotion regulating suffered bcs of it. The difference is very marked on the weekends when she is not on her medication. She also sees a therapist. And I basically asked her Dr to help me understand how to cope with my DD. I use 'yes, your teen is crazy," and a lot of advice there works for how I regulate my own behavior with DD.

You don't medicate for dyslexia. The op needs medication if this kid's disability is pushing her buttons.

For my DD medication worked. We waited too long, 15 and I still wonder if her emotion regulating suffered bcs of it. The difference is very marked on the weekends when she is not on her medication. She also sees a therapist. And I basically asked her Dr to help me understand how to cope with my DD. I use 'yes, your teen is crazy," and a lot of advice there works for how I regulate my own behavior with DD.

If it's only you that's getting angry/annoyed/frustrated with her then you need to look into ways of regulating your own emotions. There are many books out there regarding it - and it may be good for you to read up on it and practice it now becuase, believe you me, the teen years have been worse IME. Even with YEARS of practice keeping my shit together in the face of infuriating behavior, I am sometimes pushed beyond my limit.

If your DD's behavior is impacting all relationships at home, you should seriously consider medication. That's what pushed us to begin medication with DS. His behavior was ruining his relationship with his siblings, it was impacting his relationship with me and DH and just, overall, disruptive. It's no way to live.

You should also identify those things that exacerbate behaviors. As PP noted, if homework is an issue between you, have someone else do it with him. If screentime transitions are difficult, don't allow it. My oldest is in HS and we still don't allow screentime during the week except for HW and then it's done in a common room.

Set up an 'incentive' program. For us, it was screentime/video games on the weekend. Kids got at least 20 minutes of screen time on the weekend. Good behavior could earn additional minutes.
Poor behavior resulted in loss of minutes but they always had at least 20 minutes (you don't want them in a position where they feel like they've got nothing left to lose). It was very effective for us.
We still do it for video game time but it's less behavior related as chore/study time related. Good luck.

Medication, therapy, etc., are all good ideas. But they aren't immediate solutions given how long it can take to find good care. For me, a couple of things that worked well for me are/were to have routines in difficult parts of the day and to identify things I really like about my kid and doing with my kid and then make plans to do things regularly. The first made my life easier and the second reminded me often of how much I enjoy my kid.

Also consider therapy and medication for parents, not just kids.

My SN kid and my own anxious tendencies were a bad match.

Once I got on an effective SSRI it helped me to catch my breath and better parent her, with less anger and yelling.

What is she doing that gets you angry?

Another vote for medicating for ADHD. It's really helped our family life. And if you and she are butting heads over doing homework, hire a tutor.

Start with therapy, possibly medication. When it affects your family this much, you need it.

My 8yo dd has adhd/dyslexia. She is difficult at home seemingly all the time. How do you not get angry with a child like this ?!