Yes, I will obviously let him stay up later on a holiday.. but I am not agreeing to a 7 pm start time .. which really means 7:30/8pm.

I just want to manage expectations. There are only 3 other adults and they can bend a bit too.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

Agree. This is how I would handle it.

I have a set early bedtime for my kids, but I do let my kids stay up a little later for these family holidays.

I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

I have you beat OP. My inlaws don't have Thanksgiving, Christmas, NYE dinner until 9-10 pm. They are from a different culture and it's completely normal to them. It was so, so hard when my kids were babies/toddlers. It's still kind of tough, but they actually love the change of pace now. I often go lay down with my kids after dinner and we all sleep until my husband is ready to go back to our hotel. We're always the first to leave at 1-2 am.

I would leave exactly at 8. Insist the 2 year old is fed much earlier or bring food for him. I would agree to eat at 6 with a young child.

Anonymous wrote:
Don't worry I am not backing down, I'm also setting the precedence for Christmas Eve...

We are their only family so we can't just not go. But I did say we are leaving at 8pm (DS normal bedtime). He will be in PJs and will fall asleep in the car.

Also I bring apps because I cant wait all day to eat thanksgiving dinner! HA

I'm 13:00 below, so just missed your post. BRAVO! Sounds like you have it all mapped out. Great call on the PJs.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... odd. I'd plan to make it a 'Thursday afternoon visit' more than a thanksgiving thing. You can be there for the festivities and to hang out, but I don't see how they can expect more.

This. I think you should make it clear to SIL and ILs that you are looking forward to seeing them on Thanksgiving, and apologize that you can't stay past 8. And that's it.

On Thursday, you come over after nap time with a smile on your face and both jump into meal prep/chat/football game watching/chit chatting. And at 8 pm, no matter where you are in the meal, you get up, say goodnight, and head home.

You should not feel guilty for leaving - you made yourself clear with the advance email/text/call - and let them stew if needed. Maybe next year things will change, or it will go the same way. Either way, you compromised a bit by staying later than you would have otherwise, and can know you took the high road.

Don't worry I am not backing down, I'm also setting the precedence for Christmas Eve...

We are their only family so we can't just not go. But I did say we are leaving at 8pm (DS normal bedtime). He will be in PJs and will fall asleep in the car.

Also I bring apps because I cant wait all day to eat thanksgiving dinner! HA

My kids are both in bed by 7pm. No way I'd have a meal START at that time. If they insist, I'd say we'll just be over for appetizers and will need to miss the meal. And if I were you I'd leave their house by 6pm, not 8pm. Though I guess a holiday does call for a bit of flexibility.

And yes, all our holiday meals are between 2-4pm. But this was always the way my family did it growing up too, so it wasn't a huge shift for them.

Yeah... odd. I'd plan to make it a 'Thursday afternoon visit' more than a thanksgiving thing. You can be there for the festivities and to hang out, but I don't see how they can expect more.

Cook a small thanksgiving for your own little family and eat in the afternoon. Then go to ILs for the late afternoon but leave when you need to leave before dinner there starts. No one should force the other to adapt but it is what it is. Maybe next year they will be more flexible or your DC can stay up later.

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her you would love to have lunch with them to celebrate the day but you can't do dinner that late.
I would not let my inlaws dictate my day like this with a small child.

Agreed. Does she understand what the issue is?

I would tell her you would love to have lunch with them to celebrate the day but you can't do dinner that late.
I would not let my inlaws dictate my day like this with a small child.

I will trade any of you with nap issues/ mid day thanksgiving. .

Thanksgiving dinner is at my inlaws and I was just told dinner would be at 7 pm. It is just my in laws and childless SIL. My son (2) will not go down for the night at their house- 1 hour away. I suggested we slide dinner to 6 ( we will be there all day helping), and she said she says no, she prefers to eat at 7.. which means 7:30/8 at her house. There is no reason why we can't eat earlier. .no one is working, we help with food prep.. they just prefer to eat later. I grew up eating thanksgiving dinner at 3pm and am so confused!

I told her our family will be leaving at 8 pm (I will be flexible and stay a little later but need to give her a cutoff time- judging from last years 10pm departure!)... My Husband will follow up and supports me.. but come on. Give a little. If there were other guests involved I would stand down but not for a dinner with immediate family.