Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and have a fantastic relationship with my in laws (go visit them by myself, etc.). Reverse is true for my husband.

I would say our families, while different, have similar core values and both my husband and I are low maintenance and don't get slighted easily. Those factors are likely strong contributors to the success of the inlaw relationship. Both sets of parents are reasonablely low maintenance as well.

So does your DH bring up issues you have with your inlaws? If they're upset about the number of days you're staying for Christmas, does he sit them down and tell them why or does he just ignore it until they make rude comments to the DIL?

That's the point about being low maintenance.

My in laws are just happy to see us when we come, as are my parents. No one makes rude, passive aggressive comments to each other. I usually call MIL before a holiday, tell her our itinerary and why and it's not a thing afterwards.

My FIL made a joke once I found offended. I asked him not to do that again and he respected my wishes and I didn't go looking for other reasons to correct him. It's all very low drama, but again, that's probably due to the personalities and values of people involved.

All of your examples are things that I think your DH should have stepped in. He should tell them the itinerary and he should tell his dad you didn't like the joke.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because DHs are less PITA and easier going than DWs.

This is not true. I think women stay closer to their parents and are better at managing relationships. Sons mangle their relationships and the wives suffer.

“Managing relationships”?

I think you mean the need to control relationships.

Women try to "control" everything. Same issues at work too. Cannot stay their swimming lane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because DHs are less PITA and easier going than DWs.

This is not true. I think women stay closer to their parents and are better at managing relationships. Sons mangle their relationships and the wives suffer.

“Managing relationships”?

I think you mean the need to control relationships.

OP here. No. "Manage" is the right word, not control. My mom loves to buy DH clothes and kept buying him PJs, boxers and undershirts. She didn't see the issue, but it made DH uncomfortable, so I explained it to her and told her to stop buying him clothes. I would call that "managing." Families are different and there will always be differences that arise that need managed. I've also easily explained to my parents how our family will rotate holidays. DH's family doesn't understand it at all and he won't explain it to them. They often have a lot of hurt feelings because they expect us at Christmas every years, even on my family's year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and have a fantastic relationship with my in laws (go visit them by myself, etc.). Reverse is true for my husband.

I would say our families, while different, have similar core values and both my husband and I are low maintenance and don't get slighted easily. Those factors are likely strong contributors to the success of the inlaw relationship. Both sets of parents are reasonablely low maintenance as well.

So does your DH bring up issues you have with your inlaws? If they're upset about the number of days you're staying for Christmas, does he sit them down and tell them why or does he just ignore it until they make rude comments to the DIL?

That's the point about being low maintenance.

My in laws are just happy to see us when we come, as are my parents. No one makes rude, passive aggressive comments to each other. I usually call MIL before a holiday, tell her our itinerary and why and it's not a thing afterwards.

My FIL made a joke once I found offended. I asked him not to do that again and he respected my wishes and I didn't go looking for other reasons to correct him. It's all very low drama, but again, that's probably due to the personalities and values of people involved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because DHs are less PITA and easier going than DWs.

This is not true. I think women stay closer to their parents and are better at managing relationships. Sons mangle their relationships and the wives suffer.

“Managing relationships”?

I think you mean the need to control relationships.

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and have a fantastic relationship with my in laws (go visit them by myself, etc.). Reverse is true for my husband.

I would say our families, while different, have similar core values and both my husband and I are low maintenance and don't get slighted easily. Those factors are likely strong contributors to the success of the inlaw relationship. Both sets of parents are reasonablely low maintenance as well.

So does your DH bring up issues you have with your inlaws? If they're upset about the number of days you're staying for Christmas, does he sit them down and tell them why or does he just ignore it until they make rude comments to the DIL?

Anonymous wrote:Or... inlaws prefer men more than women. The way I've seen and experienced the phenomenon has been 'this wonderful man is willing to put up with my daughter?' and then - 'this meh woman is who my son settled for?' so of course the man gets along better with his in-laws than the woman. They think he walks on water for existing, and think she's taking up oxygen (even if she's wonderful). I think it's a lot of ingrained deep-seated sexism even with people who know better rationally.

OP here. I haven't seen the sexism you're talking about. "Willing to put up with my daughter"? I've never met a parent who speaks like that about their daughter or kid.

I am a woman and have a fantastic relationship with my in laws (go visit them by myself, etc.). Reverse is true for my husband.

I would say our families, while different, have similar core values and both my husband and I are low maintenance and don't get slighted easily. Those factors are likely strong contributors to the success of the inlaw relationship. Both sets of parents are reasonablely low maintenance as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because DHs are less PITA and easier going than DWs.

This is not true. I think women stay closer to their parents and are better at managing relationships. Sons mangle their relationships and the wives suffer.

This. And expectations are different. A lot of parents/ILs expect the wife you do things a certain way and when they don't it is held against them. They don't make those same expectations for the DH nor do they hold as much against them.

Or... inlaws prefer men more than women. The way I've seen and experienced the phenomenon has been 'this wonderful man is willing to put up with my daughter?' and then - 'this meh woman is who my son settled for?' so of course the man gets along better with his in-laws than the woman. They think he walks on water for existing, and think she's taking up oxygen (even if she's wonderful). I think it's a lot of ingrained deep-seated sexism even with people who know better rationally.

I think because women in general handle the majority of the emotional work involved in the family, there is more natural conflict between DWs and MILs who may have different styles. Whereas men, because they don't have that extra burden, are more able to go with the flow in general so less reason for conflict. (Again this is in general, not all cases).

I also think as a PP said that women are more likely to address an issue with their parents than a man is with his (particularly with his mother).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because DHs are less PITA and easier going than DWs.

This is not true. I think women stay closer to their parents and are better at managing relationships. Sons mangle their relationships and the wives suffer.

This, all day long.

Anonymous wrote:Because DHs are less PITA and easier going than DWs.

This is not true. I think women stay closer to their parents and are better at managing relationships. Sons mangle their relationships and the wives suffer.

Because DHs are less PITA and easier going than DWs.

In my experience in my family as well as with friends, men seem to like their inlaws a lot more than women. Have you all found this to be true?

When DH has an issue with my parents, I bring it up with them immediately and tell them to knock it off (such as my mom buying DH boxers...). Any issues I have with my inlaws are never, ever addressed by DH.