Anonymous wrote:I was a classroom teacher. A colleague had a child in her class who was not behaving. She had spoken to the mom about it. Unbeknownst to her, the mom came to school and stood in the hall one morning(this was years ago before schools were locked up tight). When the teacher corrected the child about something, the mom swooped in and screamed at the kid and yanked him out. (This was also when parents believed the teachers and did not blame a disability on behavior.)

It was not a pretty scene. It was disturbing to the class and the teacher. I don't remember if it was effective. Probably not.

This story is about a completely different situation in a world that no longer exists.

I was a classroom teacher. A colleague had a child in her class who was not behaving. She had spoken to the mom about it. Unbeknownst to her, the mom came to school and stood in the hall one morning(this was years ago before schools were locked up tight). When the teacher corrected the child about something, the mom swooped in and screamed at the kid and yanked him out. (This was also when parents believed the teachers and did not blame a disability on behavior.)

It was not a pretty scene. It was disturbing to the class and the teacher. I don't remember if it was effective. Probably not.

Op - what does your dd think is the source of the issue? One observation may not be helpful either as it won’t give you the whole picture. I think if the school isn’t acting receptive and willing to come up with a plan to help her- then it’s time to go.

See: Hawthorne Effect

About visiting:
I'm a public school teacher and have had many parents come to my class. However, I don't want them to do it if the goal is to embarrass their kid or as a punishment. I also don't want parents there if they're being nosy or criticizing the teaching. Maybe you could be very clear this is about problem solving and not about looking into the quality of the teaching? I've usually set it up directly with the parents, so perhaps emailing the teacher and asking?

I would want to know the reason if they didn't want me to come observe. Our facilities are pretty terrible but the teachers are good and the school has a nice feel. Admins are supportive of having visitors come to the school so they become sympathetic to what we're trying to accomplish with few resources. I'd be worried about why they didn't want you to come.

About helping your kid with math:
If you think the problem is the specific way math is being taught, you can find out more by looking at the curriculum materials and general standards for the grade. A practice book or some tutoring using different methods might be more helpful than going to the class.

Is it possible there is another reason he isn't doing well in math? Goofing around? sitting too close to a good friend for that class? Not doing his homework? I would ask the teacher about these things. Also, I would check his homework to make sure he's doing it correctly and not just writing answers down.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - 21:37 - I think the process at our school fails with communication. The parent-teacher conferences are not more meaty than at public school. They are trying to change some things, but it's been a source of frustration. I feel like this should have been nipped in the bud two years ago instead of brushed off.

If they have a learning specialist that person has never been offered up - I've asked for a conference with a goal towards a plan of action. I wish we had left this school completely when we determined it wasn't a good fit for my younger child and pulled that child out. But now that we are at our third year in it's tough with the social aspect. If it were uniformly bad it would be an easy choice, but that's not the case.

Thanks for the input folks. We may work towards an educational assessment. She's not having trouble with all subjects, so it's just hard to pinpoint what's going on.

I'd try a math tutor. It could be that the curriculum your school uses just isn't working for her.

My niece's private school was still using Everyday Math. She was floundering, had a private assessment that found no learning issues. My sister hired a tutor to get through it but child continued to hate math.

Now finally in 7th that curriculum is done, and she is getting As in math and likes it.

Evidently we've just gotten lucky at our school.
At my DD's private school, we are allowed to schedule an observation any time we want, and they encourage you to observe at least once a semester. We do have to schedule it in advance so there aren't a ton of parents there at the same time, and they ask that we wait until mid October so that the teachers have a chance to get the kids into a routine first before visitors start popping up.

At my DS's public school, they have two official visiting days. One is just a normal day and the other is a specific "bring your parents to school" day with activities. We are also welcome to come to lunch any time we want, and to come observe if we make an appointment and verify with the teacher that there isn't anything special going on that we might be disrupting.

OP here - 21:37 - I think the process at our school fails with communication. The parent-teacher conferences are not more meaty than at public school. They are trying to change some things, but it's been a source of frustration. I feel like this should have been nipped in the bud two years ago instead of brushed off.

If they have a learning specialist that person has never been offered up - I've asked for a conference with a goal towards a plan of action. I wish we had left this school completely when we determined it wasn't a good fit for my younger child and pulled that child out. But now that we are at our third year in it's tough with the social aspect. If it were uniformly bad it would be an easy choice, but that's not the case.

Thanks for the input folks. We may work towards an educational assessment. She's not having trouble with all subjects, so it's just hard to pinpoint what's going on.

OP this is 21:37 again. Does the parochial school have a Learning Specialist or person with a similar title/role on staff? If so, you should take your observations and questions to them.

Anonymous wrote:In my experience as a parent of a child with SN I would say it is a routine and expected request. I have done this in both public and private alone and with our advocate.

+1 but the key is the advocate. An advocate is an educational expert who knows what they are looking at. Their observation is part of an official process to address a gap between the child's potential and current performance and/or a gap between what is being taught and what the child is taking away from the lesson (in public school it's part of the IEP process). When an advocate is scheduled for an observation a school member of staff needs to escort them to and from the classroom. Public schools manage this all the time.

I don't know of any parents who have done an observation themselves. Usually a situation is either serious enough to warrant an expert observation or it can be dealt with in a parent-teacher conference. Especially in a private school, where parent-teacher conferences and teacher feedback are more "meaty" than at public school. Where do you think your situation falls?

In my experience as a parent of a child with SN I would say it is a routine and expected request. I have done this in both public and private alone and with our advocate.

Maybe send in an impartial expert that is not you to observe?

I'm pretty sure you cannot watch your kid in class at most schools. In our private, there is one visiting day a year (and then of course it's probably not a normal day) and then the rest of the time you can't watch. At my other kid's public school, I'm pretty sure no parents is the rule there too.

I think you are out of luck. If you really are interested in reinforcing at home, I'm sure they will give you the curriculum or you can read the book or whatever. If you are more interested in spying on the cclass, I bet they will say no.

Last year in my private school, my kid had a terrible class in which the teacher seemed horrible, kids were getting kicked out of class etc. The admin didn't let me in but they did send counselors and the principal into the class to observe and try to fix the issue. I think if you have a concern, you will need to raise it and let them investigate.

This is pretty helicoptery.

Our public is very closed and same experience but at least we are not paying for it. It doesn't sound like a good fit and I'd change schools.

What is the general protocol/allowed observation?

My child is in 5th grade in a parochial school - has continually had trouble with math even though her standardized test scores indicate that she has some level of aptitude and prior to enrolling at this school her math skills were at or above grade level.

Her school has never seemed particularly open to allowing me to observe a class - i.e. - I've asked and they've deferred with conferences, etc. but at this point I really would like to know exactly what is being done in the classroom so that I can reinforce that at home.

And did I also mention we pay for private tutoring as well?

I am not and don't want to be a helicopter parent, and I get that they don't want an audience of every miffed parent, but this has been an ongoing issue.

What's the generally "done" thing.

Thanks in advance.