Anonymous
11/09/2017 18:55
Subject: ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
Anonymous wrote:My 7 yr old son has ADHD. He is medicated. We've been involved in a social skills group but it's not generalizing to school. Where do I go now?
If something happens, it's never his fault; someone else made him behave that way. If a privilege is revoked, his response does not fit the punishment--ie a major tantrum over losing his ipad until his homework is complete. His response is over exaggeration---that he has now lost it "forever" or "for the rest of my life". His negativity about himself is overwhelming. If he is not picked first for a perceived fun activity, than he feels that he will always be picked last forever. However, he feels that for a non preferred activity, he is always picked first.
How do I help him turn his negativity around? Or who do I turn to for help to help him?
My kid responds "really" well to my modeling something. So when I mess up, I own up to the mistake, say I'm sorry, and then discuss how I intend to fix it. I talk through the whole thing, so he understands what I'm doing.
Does it make him perfect? No, but he is now more likely to accept responsibility.
As far as the rigid thinking, which my son also has, his therapist has told me to ask him a few questions to help him think through the situation and ideally see that there are other views/sides/issues going on. That it's more complex that what he initially perceived, and that it's OK.
A lot of this is talk, talk, talk. Model, model, model. Which is why therapy is helpful. http:www.additudemagazine.com has a lot of helpful articles. Search rigid thinking, negativity, etc.
Anonymous
11/09/2017 18:49
Subject: Re:ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
OP, was your son like this before the meds? Wondering if it is the side effects of Meds. or that's just the way he is?
Anonymous
11/09/2017 16:43
Subject: Re:ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good luck you all.
Wait till they are 14.
Brace yourself.
Get something for yourself.
I think it will be easier when they will be 28 or something. I do not see it earlier.
Mom of 14s year old GTLD ADHD boy.
What happens at 14? Spoilers please!
I'm not PP, but we were dealing with similar issues with DS at age 7 and tried therapies, meds, etc. Now at 13 going on 14, the issues remain but the attitude is worse and DS is still volatile. So, for us, I would say we tried to address early but despite our best efforts it's been a bumpy road and I expect more of the same the next few years. I just hope and pray that DS will eventually be mature enough to become an independent adult capable of having relationships with others.
Anonymous
11/09/2017 16:31
Subject: Re:ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
If you have seen one person with ADD, you have seen one person with ADD. Treatment is very individualized and there are many meds to choose from because everyone responds differently, positively and negatively. I found a magazine called ADDITUDE Strategies and Support for ADHD and LD. Great articles written by experts and those with ADD. The winter issue has published ADHD therapies that work. There are tools available to help with exercise and sleep being among the top. You are your son's best advocate and it will help him to know that you love him even when you don't like his behavior. ADDITUDEMAG.com. Hope you are encouraged.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 20:04
Subject: ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
I think cbt is probably the most helpful. My son has been working on this with his therapist and it seems to be helping some. You can also try a book like what to do when you grumble too much and work through those exercises. Talking through mistakes you make and how you mentally deal with it is also supposed to help. (Like “oh, I forgot to buy cheese so now we can’t make tacos for dinner. I’m feeling a little frustrated with myself because I really wanted tacos. But everyone makes mistakes and I guess today I made one. Next time I’ll try to make a list before I go to he store to help me remember. I bet I can figure out something else good to make for dinner.” And help him do the same with his own mistakes and disappointments.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 19:58
Subject: Re:ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
Anonymous wrote:Good luck you all.
Wait till they are 14.
Brace yourself.
Get something for yourself.
I think it will be easier when they will be 28 or something. I do not see it earlier.
Mom of 14s year old GTLD ADHD boy.
What happens at 14? Spoilers please!
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:36
Subject: ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
I think this kind of black/white thinking is common with ADHD. Our DS7 does it too. We are planning to start seeing a therapist, but I also wonder if the stimulants make it a little worse.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:33
Subject: ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you, OP, but my eight year old has very similar struggles. At least in our case, I wonder if this is anxiety or maybe even depression talking.
OP here---we're on zoloft as well as Focalin. Maybe I need to talk to the dr about increasing the zoloft. I'm sorry your 8 yr old is having the same struggles. Life shouldn't have to be so hard when these kids are so young.
My son has been on focalin since he was 8 -- it is great, BUT it increases his anxiety. He takes 1 mg of Guanfacine at night time to help with anxiety. He also takes melatonin to fall asleep every night. He needs a LOT of sleep and I think I've heard most ADHD kids do.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:31
Subject: Re:ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
Anonymous wrote:Good luck you all.
Wait till they are 14.
Brace yourself.
Get something for yourself.
I think it will be easier when they will be 28 or something. I do not see it earlier.
Mom of 14s year old GTLD ADHD boy.
OP here---I'm fond of saying that college drinking has nothing on parental drinking.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:29
Subject: Re:ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
Good luck you all.
Wait till they are 14.
Brace yourself.
Get something for yourself.
I think it will be easier when they will be 28 or something. I do not see it earlier.
Mom of 14s year old GTLD ADHD boy.
Wait till they are 14.
Brace yourself.
Get something for yourself.
I think it will be easier when they will be 28 or something. I do not see it earlier.
Mom of 14s year old GTLD ADHD boy.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:29
Subject: Re:ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
Repeat social skills camp/class. It's not a one and done process.
Ask for social skills to be addressed in the iep.
Check your own cognitive distortions. Be consistent. Get the unstuck & on target book for scripts/guidance.
Ask for social skills to be addressed in the iep.
Check your own cognitive distortions. Be consistent. Get the unstuck & on target book for scripts/guidance.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:24
Subject: ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you, OP, but my eight year old has very similar struggles. At least in our case, I wonder if this is anxiety or maybe even depression talking.
OP here---we're on zoloft as well as Focalin. Maybe I need to talk to the dr about increasing the zoloft. I'm sorry your 8 yr old is having the same struggles. Life shouldn't have to be so hard when these kids are so young.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:21
Subject: ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
That sounds a lot like the thinking that drives anxiety--you might ask your care provider about it.
Is he in therapy? Cognitive behavioral therapy helps someone suffering from anxiety challenge those kinds of negative thoughts.
Is he in therapy? Cognitive behavioral therapy helps someone suffering from anxiety challenge those kinds of negative thoughts.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:08
Subject: ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
I don't have an answer for you, OP, but my eight year old has very similar struggles. At least in our case, I wonder if this is anxiety or maybe even depression talking.
Anonymous
11/08/2017 16:07
Subject: ADHD, Negativity, Exaggeration, and lack of responsibility
My 7 yr old son has ADHD. He is medicated. We've been involved in a social skills group but it's not generalizing to school. Where do I go now?
If something happens, it's never his fault; someone else made him behave that way. If a privilege is revoked, his response does not fit the punishment--ie a major tantrum over losing his ipad until his homework is complete. His response is over exaggeration---that he has now lost it "forever" or "for the rest of my life". His negativity about himself is overwhelming. If he is not picked first for a perceived fun activity, than he feels that he will always be picked last forever. However, he feels that for a non preferred activity, he is always picked first.
How do I help him turn his negativity around? Or who do I turn to for help to help him?
If something happens, it's never his fault; someone else made him behave that way. If a privilege is revoked, his response does not fit the punishment--ie a major tantrum over losing his ipad until his homework is complete. His response is over exaggeration---that he has now lost it "forever" or "for the rest of my life". His negativity about himself is overwhelming. If he is not picked first for a perceived fun activity, than he feels that he will always be picked last forever. However, he feels that for a non preferred activity, he is always picked first.
How do I help him turn his negativity around? Or who do I turn to for help to help him?