Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

Are you serious PP? You would walk up to the door of a young teen party and expect to come in and talk to the host parents? That is not helicoptering, that is psychotic coddling. Your child would be mortified. The person said to reach out prior to party. No need to invite yourself, or ask how often they will check, or make sure the mom isn't having a glass of wine and equating that with a drunk. Just wow!

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid in public school and one in private. The general MO among parents at the private school is as described above, multiple phone calls, requests for background checks and finger printing, and embarrassing amounts of hovering. In public school, parents seem to trust their kids and the other parents and a text invite among kids and a request to know if parents will be there is sufficient. Guess which crowd has resulted in more tween dishonesty and experimentation issues...yup. The private school kids.

Is there some research you can pull up on that or is that your one sided opinion based on your child going to one school?

Anonymous wrote:We make a phone call to the parents before accepting the invitation, and if it was well in advance, we might make another phone call the day of or the day before the party. We just introduce ourselves, confirm our kid is coming, and say, "just wanted to make sure adults would be in the house, thanks again for hosting, blah, blah, blah." You know, trust but verify. Oh, and our kids are mortified that we would do this, but they know the alternative is that we are walking them to the door!

At pick up, the standard MO these days is a text from the driveway.

For a teen drop off party??? Good Lord.

Private school kids so it may make a difference because we have a school directory. Generally every gathering my kids have attended has been preceded by an email from the parents saying they are aware their DC has invited kids over and they're fine with it. They usually reiterate the drop off and pick up times and say to let them know if there are any concerns they should be aware of. Are usually just drop off from the car but I also know most of the parents anyway.

Wow. My son is currently 12 and goes to a small private school for kid with learning disabilities, so I know most of the parents. But when I was 13, no way would my parents have called the parents of a kid who invited me to a party, or insisted on meeting them on drop off. I was a responsible, boring kid and everything worked out fine.

I have one kid in public school and one in private. The general MO among parents at the private school is as described above, multiple phone calls, requests for background checks and finger printing, and embarrassing amounts of hovering. In public school, parents seem to trust their kids and the other parents and a text invite among kids and a request to know if parents will be there is sufficient. Guess which crowd has resulted in more tween dishonesty and experimentation issues...yup. The private school kids.

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

You go to the door with your kid. If only the kid shows up at the door, say hi and ask to see the parent.

"Hi Larla. So nice to meet you. Can you go ask your mom or dad to come to the door? Thanks!"

You meet the parent, introduce yourself and ask for the pick-up time. Then you leave.

I've done it with my son (age 16) and will have no problem doing it with his younger sister when she starts going to parties.

We make a phone call to the parents before accepting the invitation, and if it was well in advance, we might make another phone call the day of or the day before the party. We just introduce ourselves, confirm our kid is coming, and say, "just wanted to make sure adults would be in the house, thanks again for hosting, blah, blah, blah." You know, trust but verify. Oh, and our kids are mortified that we would do this, but they know the alternative is that we are walking them to the door!

At pick up, the standard MO these days is a text from the driveway.

You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Anonymous wrote:I ask if a parent will be there before giving permission and then insist on meeting the parent when I drop my child off.

How old is your kid?

Anonymous wrote:I ask if a parent will be there before giving permission and then insist on meeting the parent when I drop my child off.

Btw, my son is 13. There is no way I’d allow him to attend a party at the house of someone I’ve never met without an introduction.

I ask if a parent will be there before giving permission and then insist on meeting the parent when I drop my child off.

Wow. That's entirely too much parental hovering for a teen dropping. Once they're in middle school...here's how it goes...

Just let them out of the car. They go in by themselves. If it's somewhere public like a mall, I have them text me when they find the group, before I drive away. When they're done, you text them that you're outside and they come out.

Gone are the days of walking them to the door and kissing them goodbye. Before you know it, their date will do that

So I dropped off my child at a Friend's party. I've never met the friend or her parents. The friend was at the door, greeted my daughter and told me the pick up time.
I hung around for a minute, expecting to see a parent and say Hello. No one came by, it was kind of awkward. I guess I could have asked if there was an adult in the house and introduced myself.
A couple of other girls came at the same time, so I left. I was uncomfortable the whole time, texted my DD to make sure there were parents in the house. It was a good party, she had a good time.
Again at pick up time, I rang the door bell and was asked to wait outside while my daughter was fetched. No Hellos, no pleasantries. All the girls were 13/14 year olds!
I just wasn't ready for these cold drop-offs! Missing the ES days, where parents were invited in, we talked about our kids.

How can I have handled this better so I am more comfortable next time? Should I insist on introducing myself to the parents or should I try and be more cool? I dont know how to be cool, when I'm agonizing about this. I'd hate for her to miss out parties because I'm anxious.
Teen parenting is hard Don't other parents want to know who their kid is friends with? Am I so old-fashioned?