Anonymous
10/26/2017 14:02
Subject: Re:Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Thanks to everyone who responded.
-So yes one kid is already in school (upper elementary), has friends, and we just moved last year and he is thriving in this school.
-Therapy not working, too much resentment and zero communication.
-And after reading it dawned on me that yes these are two separate issues, and that if DH insists on same elementary, he can buy me out of house and I can get an apartment down the street. (Plenty of apartments within 10 mins walking but they all go to a different elementary school)
Though I am not sure what custody arrangement will eventually pan out.
-So yes one kid is already in school (upper elementary), has friends, and we just moved last year and he is thriving in this school.
-Therapy not working, too much resentment and zero communication.
-And after reading it dawned on me that yes these are two separate issues, and that if DH insists on same elementary, he can buy me out of house and I can get an apartment down the street. (Plenty of apartments within 10 mins walking but they all go to a different elementary school)
Though I am not sure what custody arrangement will eventually pan out.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 13:54
Subject: Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Anonymous wrote:It's not just about the initial asset division, (and you don't mention retirement accounts in there which is usually a big factor.). Through child support and alimony the combined hhi gets split, roughly. This means you both will now have to pay for two households on the hhi you previously used for one. In many cases that means both have to downsize.
You are smart not to take on a mortgage you may not be able to afford, (and neither should your xh.). That's why most people end up selling and splitting the profits for downpayments in condos in the same school district. It's tough on the kids, obviously. I wouldn't trade the equity in the house for cash, either. It's true it would be nice to have a cash cushion but this is a catastrophic financial event that most people have to build back up from. I would focus more on minimizing the changes for the kids, setting up a sustainable lifestyle long term, including factoring in retirement and college savings costs.
And if therapy to repair the marriage is at all possible, it's worth every penny compared to the divorce financial hit.
OP here thanks, what does the bolded mean. Why should I not take my share as cash? I would gladly downsize and buy a condo, but there is nothing that goes to my elementary school. But yes I can try one that goes to same middle/high and a good elementary, but unfortunately that will eat up all my cash.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 13:08
Subject: Re:Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
there are two separate issues (I think?)
one is division of assets and the other is custody and school.
As long as the kids have one parent in the school district, I'm pretty sure the kids can go to that school. I dont think it means that the kid has to be at the house with the parent who has greater custody. So, you could have split custody in a variety of ways and days and the kids remain in the school that they're in now, if their dad stays in the house or if either of you has a place in the same school district.
If 50% of the assets are in the house. and you dont want it, you can give him the house and you take the other 50% in whatever form those assets are, and then find a cheaper place. BUT, you will be responsible for financing that place--big enough for you and your kids assuming that you want them part of the time, too. And, you have to think about the commute for them to schools, etc. So, even if their dad stays in the house and they stay in the school, if you move far away, you're going to have to figure out how the kids get to school from your place, etc, and the impact on their lives.
one is division of assets and the other is custody and school.
As long as the kids have one parent in the school district, I'm pretty sure the kids can go to that school. I dont think it means that the kid has to be at the house with the parent who has greater custody. So, you could have split custody in a variety of ways and days and the kids remain in the school that they're in now, if their dad stays in the house or if either of you has a place in the same school district.
If 50% of the assets are in the house. and you dont want it, you can give him the house and you take the other 50% in whatever form those assets are, and then find a cheaper place. BUT, you will be responsible for financing that place--big enough for you and your kids assuming that you want them part of the time, too. And, you have to think about the commute for them to schools, etc. So, even if their dad stays in the house and they stay in the school, if you move far away, you're going to have to figure out how the kids get to school from your place, etc, and the impact on their lives.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 13:00
Subject: Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
It's not just about the initial asset division, (and you don't mention retirement accounts in there which is usually a big factor.). Through child support and alimony the combined hhi gets split, roughly. This means you both will now have to pay for two households on the hhi you previously used for one. In many cases that means both have to downsize.
You are smart not to take on a mortgage you may not be able to afford, (and neither should your xh.). That's why most people end up selling and splitting the profits for downpayments in condos in the same school district. It's tough on the kids, obviously. I wouldn't trade the equity in the house for cash, either. It's true it would be nice to have a cash cushion but this is a catastrophic financial event that most people have to build back up from. I would focus more on minimizing the changes for the kids, setting up a sustainable lifestyle long term, including factoring in retirement and college savings costs.
And if therapy to repair the marriage is at all possible, it's worth every penny compared to the divorce financial hit.
You are smart not to take on a mortgage you may not be able to afford, (and neither should your xh.). That's why most people end up selling and splitting the profits for downpayments in condos in the same school district. It's tough on the kids, obviously. I wouldn't trade the equity in the house for cash, either. It's true it would be nice to have a cash cushion but this is a catastrophic financial event that most people have to build back up from. I would focus more on minimizing the changes for the kids, setting up a sustainable lifestyle long term, including factoring in retirement and college savings costs.
And if therapy to repair the marriage is at all possible, it's worth every penny compared to the divorce financial hit.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 12:32
Subject: Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Are the kids already enrolled in school? I left the house and kept the kid, but my kid hadn’t started school yet, and I was the primary parent.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 12:31
Subject: Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Sell the house and both move. Or, stay married.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 12:27
Subject: Re:Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
If you are in a decent place for negotiation, I would try to get an agreement that you will sell the house and both move to the same less expensive area.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 12:21
Subject: Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Sounds like you should have kept your pants on
Anonymous
10/26/2017 12:19
Subject: Re:Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
We already live in the cheapest TH for this area. There are no apartments/condos that feed into our elementary school.
But there are apartments/condos that feed into same middle/high school and equally good other elementary schools.
Ideas?
It sounds like a sell the house situation. You could afford it married, but not divorced.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 12:13
Subject: Re:Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
OP here.
We already live in the cheapest TH for this area. There are no apartments/condos that feed into our elementary school.
But there are apartments/condos that feed into same middle/high school and equally good other elementary schools.
Ideas?
We already live in the cheapest TH for this area. There are no apartments/condos that feed into our elementary school.
But there are apartments/condos that feed into same middle/high school and equally good other elementary schools.
Ideas?
Anonymous
10/26/2017 11:49
Subject: Re:Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Nope. Doesn't work that way. Both of you will basically have to downgrade. You can try to rebuild, but from what i've seen divorce is a financial suck on all sides. If you can stay, then do that until the kids are grown.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 11:36
Subject: Re:Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
How far away would you move if you didn't keep the house? If you'd be close enough to do school transportation, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to get a 3/3/5 or something like that so that you both get an even amount of weekday and weekend time. If you're moving too far away for that, him getting the house wouldn't be dispositive, but it would be a strong argument in his favor.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 11:34
Subject: Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Sounds like you both need to get smaller places in the same school district but it may be hard given housing costs.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 11:32
Subject: Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
Of course not. You could rent an apartment in the same district and have the kids there. Also, selling the house is an option - then you can both downsize.
Anonymous
10/26/2017 11:31
Subject: Custody-Does the parent who can afford the house and hence same schools get the kids?
So we moved to buy our house in a good school district and have half of our marital assets tied to it. So the spouse who gets the house will get nothing else, no liquid cash.
I feel this is risky if I lose my job, fall sick etc. and need 6 months -1 year of expenses ~60-80K. Also feel it is wasteful for me to carry house costs (taxes, HOA, repairs, utilities, cleaning) and maintenance as single mom. Those are not my priority. Especially over liquid cash.
So if DH agrees to take the house for his share will he get weekday custody since that would mean same school and same house for the kids?
I feel this is risky if I lose my job, fall sick etc. and need 6 months -1 year of expenses ~60-80K. Also feel it is wasteful for me to carry house costs (taxes, HOA, repairs, utilities, cleaning) and maintenance as single mom. Those are not my priority. Especially over liquid cash.
So if DH agrees to take the house for his share will he get weekday custody since that would mean same school and same house for the kids?