I have a hard time seeing how having an abortion at 25 proves anything other than how lucky it was that you had that option available to you, if you weren't ready to be a parent.

I sowed a few wild oats in my early 20's and got married at 27 and had my first child at 32. So, I wasn't young and naive when I got married and I had a few years post-wedding to work on my career and get used to being married. Two more children soon followed. I'm still happily married many years later and my only minor regret was not having my first baby at 30.

I made marriage a priority in my early 20s because I knew I wanted kids. Some people would never want to get married in their early 20s. for me it was 100% the best choice. Just have to know yourself well.

Anonymous wrote:right after college. I even got an abortion at 25 because I didn't want to interrupt my young career.

All for what? I make six figures, I'm unhappy and those fun drunken weekends were fleeting.

Sorry, just venting. On the off chance any young women read this forum: Don't make the same mistake.

You sound like a miserable person. You would still be miserable had you married in your 20s only now you would be posting about how you wasted your life.

The research is pretty clear that waiting to marry results in stronger marriages. That said, if a woman wants kids, she shouldn't waste time on bad relationships. (She should also avoid bad relationships for her own sake.)

I'd caution anyone in their early 20s from exclusively focusing on settling down, but I do think you're right that by mid-20s it's smart to start thinking in those terms and getting more serious about finding a life partner. I have plenty of family andfriends who didn't get married and have kids (if they had them at all) until their later 30s, and they lead happy fulfilling lives, but many have expressed that they wish they started earlier.

I had a lot of people tell me I was moving too fast when at 26 I met my now-hiusband, quickly got engaged and had two kids by the time I was 31, but we both knew we wanted a family and 10 years later I have no regrets. There are certainly other good paths to the same end, and some compelling career arguments for waiting in some circumstances, but not settling down in your 20s just because that's what friends in your cohort are doing is worth some further introspection for those you still have the choice.

I married the guy I started dating my senior year of college. We didn't get married for a good while after college, but were together (with a brief time off in between) from the time I was 21. We had a disastrously unhealthy relationship and now I'm 42 and divorced with two small children. I don't regret the marriage per se, but settling down early is no guarantee you're going to end up happy.

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I didn't get married right after college because I was good and stupid. I had no idea how to choose a good mate. If I had married any of the men I dated back then I would be divorced or miserably married I'm sure.

I had always admired people who knew themselves well enough at that age to choose a mate for life.

I think a lot of it is luck. I wasn't smart at 21, I was lucky. I have had a long, stable, happy marriage, but I don't think my friends whose marriages imploded had less insight than I did at 21.

I'm glad I didn't get married right after college because I was good and stupid. I had no idea how to choose a good mate. If I had married any of the men I dated back then I would be divorced or miserably married I'm sure.

I had always admired people who knew themselves well enough at that age to choose a mate for life.

"Do what you want, and pay for it."

Many cultures have different variations on that saying.

So instead of whining that you didn't know, or wish you'd known, or that you regret X, Y, Z... no. You take your fun, whatever it is, and you take responsibility for it.

My idea of fun in my 20s was to go to grad school, find a husband and have kids. Do I regret not going to bars and dating multiple people? No, because that never appealed to me.

What you do, look on it with clear eyes and accept the consequences.

Anonymous wrote:right after college. I even got an abortion at 25 because I didn't want to interrupt my young career.

All for what? I make six figures, I'm unhappy and those fun drunken weekends were fleeting.

Sorry, just venting. On the off chance any young women read this forum: Don't make the same mistake.

Disagree. You change a lot from 20 to 30. Dating can help you find out who is a good match and who isn't. Not sure getting married "because you can" leads to happiness.

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 24 to my high school boyfriend and instantly regretted it. The marriage was brief. I had a ton of fun in my late 20s early 30s and don't regret a thing. I married the love of my life at 35.

Russian roulette cause you wanted

I got married at 24 to my high school boyfriend and instantly regretted it. The marriage was brief. I had a ton of fun in my late 20s early 30s and don't regret a thing. I married the love of my life at 35.

Bingo, women have a biological clock, you can't fight nature

right after college. I even got an abortion at 25 because I didn't want to interrupt my young career.

All for what? I make six figures, I'm unhappy and those fun drunken weekends were fleeting.

Sorry, just venting. On the off chance any young women read this forum: Don't make the same mistake.