It's not that big of a deal so I would just do it. The part of being an executor that is miserable is if there are family members who disagree with the will/ intent of the will. If you are an only child, this should be easy-peasy. It will be easier than dealing with the drama of telling her 'no'...

Your mother will be dead at that point, so you won't have to deal with her behavior at that point unless she puts something ridiculous/offensive in her will, in which case you can decline to serve as executor when the time comes. If it's too much trouble to do long-distance, hire an attorney local to her area to do the legal work, and there are various services that can help deal with the rest of her estate. You won't get as much money from her estate that way, but it's less work for you.

My mother is a narcissist, toxic, all that and I have estranged myself from her for the most part for about the past 12 years. My father died two years ago and she is now getting a new will together and wants me to be her executor.

Aside from the fact that I’ve distanced myself and my family for our own well being, and that I can’t stand her, I can’t imagine taking on that responsibility from several states away. I have a full time job, a husband, and 3 teens.

Am I being unreasonable? Is it really not as much of a burden in this day and age, because of improved technology and communication options? Or would settling a (normal, middle class) estate be an enormous task from a distance and without emotional baggage?

I want to say no but I’m an only child and wonder if this is something I’m supposed to just suck up?