Anonymous wrote:You're right. High school can be like that. If you can't get away from the people calling you names, you need to join some outside groups that have new people in them. The reason life gets better after high school is that people no longer have strength in numbers and are not so explicitly mean. There's better balance -- you'll have your couple of friends, and you aren't stuck with a bunch of assholes all the time.

+1

OP, while I agree with this, there are people in numbers who decide to be mean and destructive - even as adults. Your choice is to subscribe to their efforts, or decide that you are in fact bigger and better than them (as they have shown) - and you are.

I have to mention, there is one girl that I went to high school with who was seriously not pretty in the least (I don't like that other word, because I don't believe anyone is that word, based on their exterior). She had fuzzy jet black hair that looks like it had no hope, the biggest eyebrows you have ever seen, facial features that did not stand out at all, and she dressed like she simply did not care (she didn't). She is now a top paid model, travels the world, has tons of modeling jobs, and doing far better than any of her high school haters. You are the truth - not the haters - eventually, the truth comes out. High school is not forever - and while it is for some people, your job is to surpass them - which won't be difficult at all.

Hollybear wrote:It's pretty hard when you're in high school and you're bullied by boys and girls alike because you look "ugly". I have no confidence left, no matter how much you tell me that beauty is on the inside. It's not!! In reality, people will judge you for how you look, not for what you really are.

I don't blame other students for wanting to kill themselves. High school is full of mean people who think they're better than you.

Look at this from a different angle. Don't believe people who tell you that you are still beautiful just the way you are, etc. No. I don't know what you look like but surely we can all agree that beauty is a scale, and some people will be more beautiful than others and some will be less. You won't be upset, for instance, to hear that some people have musical ears and some do not, and only very few are destined to become performing pianists. Think of beauty as a talent that you, at this point of your life, do not have.

But so what? Look at the Forbes 500 list. Look at the media. Look at bestselling authors. Look at whatever people who are top achievers in whatever field you value. Look at the wives of powerful men if everything else fails. Go to the courthouse and stand by the window handing out marriage licenses for a day. You'll see all kinds of people getting married, and you'll see all kinds of people achieving top scores in life - professionally, financially, fame wise, whatever. Beauty helps in life, but homely looks do not prevent you from succeeding. Not at all. You can still become academically and professionally successful, rich, famous, whatever you value. Beauty doesn't buy all that. If you think about it, beautiful girls WITHOUT everything else are so infinitely replaceable. Success is not about beauty.

Incidentally, that's not an excuse to neglect your grooming and body. Great hair, teeth, skin and figure are very squarely under your control. Take care of this and you're halfway there. Add stylish clothes and you're way ahead of the game.

Your life is what you make of it.
Appearance counts an enormous amount all throughout life for first impressions, dating and jobs. You're already at a disadvantage in the US and Europe if you're not white anyway.
But what's even more powerful is confidence and inner strength.

I was completely under my mother's control as a high schooler (long story) and wore the clothes she bought me, which were deliberately very modest, large and baggy. Sweatpants and turtlenecks instead of ripped jeans and crop tops. No make-up or going out with friends or watching TV. I definitely stood out amid all the pretty, pop-cultured, fancily-dressed girls in my wealthy private. And somehow no one made fun of me, everyone was really nice. Perhaps because I was nice to them, or because I was respected as a student, or because I lucked into a great school, or perhaps because I was so far out there, they felt sorry for me, who the hell knows. Some were patronizing in their kindness, but that was perfectly fine with me.

I ended up escaping my mother's house and learning how to dress better... but I still wear turtlenecks all winter!

Exercise. Go out and get fit - walk, ride your bike, strength train. Brush your teeth, take care of your skin and hair. Plan what you are going to wear and know what looks good on your body type. It'll make you feel better about you. If you feel o.k. with yourself, you won't care so much what some of these losers are saying to you. And, let's face it, HS kids who are still poking fun at other kids...are immature at best.

I was a super dork in HS. But I did the above plus I focused on my schoolwork and doing the best I could academically. I was not going to be Miss Popularity and I accepted that.

Imagine my surprise when I got to college and guys were asking me out left and right - they thought I was hot! (Me?!!), I was going out with a group of girls from the dorm every weekend, I was having a blast. Looking back, all that stuff that I did in HS really helped to make my entrance into college a great experience.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, familiarity breeds contempt.....HS is not all it's cracked up to be. There is a big wide world out there waiting for you. Hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you. I have a child with a noticeable appearance difference that turns heads (not always in a good way). We love this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWASeaYuHZo Watch it when you need a hug.

That video is great. Thank you for sharing!

Please reach out to somebody (HS Counselor, priest/pastor, parent, friend) and talk about how you're feeling. It really does get better, but that perspective only comes with a couple of years more experience.

Hang in there. Get good grades, try to find your tribe (a club, a group)if you can, and just get through. I didn't experience what you are, but *so* many of us just endured HS. College will be a very different experience. I tell my kids that you don't want to "peak" in HS...it seems forever at the moment but in life it's just a blink of an eye and soon it'll be in your rear view mirror. Living well really is the best revenge.

Hugs to you. I have a child with a noticeable appearance difference that turns heads (not always in a good way). We love this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWASeaYuHZo Watch it when you need a hug.

OP, I suspect most people over 30 will agree that for most people: A crummy high school experience is correlated with a happier, more successful life after high school.

I know it's horrible now, and since you've never lived post-high-school, it's hard to take the long view. So ask some well-adjusted adults in your life (IRL) about this.

Try to make friends outside your school. Neighborhood, church, rec league, some hobby, etc.

Life is much much longer than high school. The day to day grind can feel endless, but trust me, life is SO MUCH longer than high school.

Focus on making good friends and getting the best grades you can. Then focus on life AFTER high school.

It does get better, op. It really does. I remember in high school reading an essay by Erma Bombeck about "The best is yet to be". My high school experience really sucked, and I kinda clung to that idea as my mantra and it really is true.

I'm now a fairly old lady, and can tell you it will get better. You'll find your niche and won't have to deal with those people any more. Adulthood is an improvement on that score, I promise.

I agree. High school was definitely not the best years of my life. But I found some activities that I enjoyed, and got good grades so that I would have more options after high school. College was a huge improvement (and grad school was awesome!).

The best thing anyone ever said to me about high school was that it is four years of intensive training for a social situation you will never encounter again.

You're right. High school can be like that. If you can't get away from the people calling you names, you need to join some outside groups that have new people in them. The reason life gets better after high school is that people no longer have strength in numbers and are not so explicitly mean. There's better balance -- you'll have your couple of friends, and you aren't stuck with a bunch of assholes all the time.

It's pretty hard when you're in high school and you're bullied by boys and girls alike because you look "ugly". I have no confidence left, no matter how much you tell me that beauty is on the inside. It's not!! In reality, people will judge you for how you look, not for what you really are.

I don't blame other students for wanting to kill themselves. High school is full of mean people who think they're better than you.