If they're late, you leave. Let them know ahead of time that's the plan. Otherwise there are no consequences for their lateness, so why should they change their bad behavior? Alternatively, start saying you can't take their kid when they ask. You don't have to say why, just "it doesn't work for me" but if you're brave then you could tell them that they're consistently late and it makes it stressful/difficult/whatever for you.

No way I would be late to my own kid's party waiting for someone else. You are entitled to be angry, but do something about it so it doesn't happen again!

Being late is being rude. I don't care what disability you think you have, if you can tell time you can be on time. Make a plan.

OP, tell these people when you need them to arrive, and if they are 1 minute late, lock the door.

We had this problem in our car pool. One mom was late every single day. We had to break up the car pool over it.

No fuck!ng way would I miss half of my child's party to wait around for them.

Like PPs said, boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's ADHD with no manners. I know people are tired of hearing about it, but that mental illness, if untreated, will turn people into jerks.

I have ADHD and am never late, but that's because I also have anxiety and want to please people. My husband's side of the family has ADHD without anxiety or any wish to please, and they are systematically late to everything. My BIL can be several HOURS late to events. We have stopped waiting for him, obviously.

The only way around it is boundaries. "Arrive by 10 or we'll have left already" That kind of thing. People with ADHD need very direct information because it's the only way it's going to be flagged in their memory. Being diplomatic dilutes the message in a sea of words and it gets lost.

Even with my mix of ADHD and anxiety - it's a major struggle to get anywhere on time. It's awesome that you use both issues to force yourself to be on time! I need to try that.

I also agree - OP needs to set boundaries with that family.

PP you quoted. My husband is always on my case saying: "you need to get your anxiety under control". That's because when I have the energy, I nag him into being on time, and respecting his deadlines, and getting his bills paid/cars inspected/taxes done well before the due date, etc, and that's stressful for him. He prefers being late or missing deadlines... which I cannot for the life of me understand. He just missed a crucial deadline that affects us all very negatively, DESPITE my reminding him many times about it. If I could have done it for him, I would have, but it was work-related. Of course, he thinks he's fine and doesn't need treatment. It boggles my mind.
My other friends with ADHD who tend to be late DO seem to make an effort, and get angry at themselves when they can't get their act together, such as send in their taxes by the due date, for example.

I'm the PP. You are describing my marriage. In a way, it's refreshing to know there are other people dealing with the same thing.
And you said "when I have the energy". That's what it boils down to. Energy to get focused and get things done.
Sorry OP - I know this is not relevant to your problem this morning. I hope you will report back to let us know what you decided to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's ADHD with no manners. I know people are tired of hearing about it, but that mental illness, if untreated, will turn people into jerks.

I have ADHD and am never late, but that's because I also have anxiety and want to please people. My husband's side of the family has ADHD without anxiety or any wish to please, and they are systematically late to everything. My BIL can be several HOURS late to events. We have stopped waiting for him, obviously.

The only way around it is boundaries. "Arrive by 10 or we'll have left already" That kind of thing. People with ADHD need very direct information because it's the only way it's going to be flagged in their memory. Being diplomatic dilutes the message in a sea of words and it gets lost.

Even with my mix of ADHD and anxiety - it's a major struggle to get anywhere on time. It's awesome that you use both issues to force yourself to be on time! I need to try that.

I also agree - OP needs to set boundaries with that family.

PP you quoted. My husband is always on my case saying: "you need to get your anxiety under control". That's because when I have the energy, I nag him into being on time, and respecting his deadlines, and getting his bills paid/cars inspected/taxes done well before the due date, etc, and that's stressful for him. He prefers being late or missing deadlines... which I cannot for the life of me understand. He just missed a crucial deadline that affects us all very negatively, DESPITE my reminding him many times about it. If I could have done it for him, I would have, but it was work-related. Of course, he thinks he's fine and doesn't need treatment. It boggles my mind.
My other friends with ADHD who tend to be late DO seem to make an effort, and get angry at themselves when they can't get their act together, such as send in their taxes by the due date, for example.

Op just tell them to be here an hour before you need them to be

Anonymous wrote:
It's ADHD with no manners. I know people are tired of hearing about it, but that mental illness, if untreated, will turn people into jerks.

I have ADHD and am never late, but that's because I also have anxiety and want to please people. My husband's side of the family has ADHD without anxiety or any wish to please, and they are systematically late to everything. My BIL can be several HOURS late to events. We have stopped waiting for him, obviously.

The only way around it is boundaries. "Arrive by 10 or we'll have left already" That kind of thing. People with ADHD need very direct information because it's the only way it's going to be flagged in their memory. Being diplomatic dilutes the message in a sea of words and it gets lost.

Even with my mix of ADHD and anxiety - it's a major struggle to get anywhere on time. It's awesome that you use both issues to force yourself to be on time! I need to try that.

I also agree - OP needs to set boundaries with that family.

It's ADHD with no manners. I know people are tired of hearing about it, but that mental illness, if untreated, will turn people into jerks.

I have ADHD and am never late, but that's because I also have anxiety and want to please people. My husband's side of the family has ADHD without anxiety or any wish to please, and they are systematically late to everything. My BIL can be several HOURS late to events. We have stopped waiting for him, obviously.

The only way around it is boundaries. "Arrive by 10 or we'll have left already" That kind of thing. People with ADHD need very direct information because it's the only way it's going to be flagged in their memory. Being diplomatic dilutes the message in a sea of words and it gets lost.

You can manage this by giving them a time 30 minutes earlier than you really need them to be there. So if you need her picked up by 4pm, tell them 3:30pm.

Or

You can speak directly to them: “You been late with dropping off Larla several times and it’s bothering me. I missed part of my kid’s birthday party because I was waiting for you to drop off your child. This happened last month when we were at the park. I’m sure it not your intention, but the result is that I feel disrespected. It’s as if my time isn’t important. I know we all have situations that come up. This, however, is a pattern. The bottom line is that I need you to be here when you say you’re going to be here.”

Don't wait for people who are chronically late. It's enabling them.

You show people how to treat you, and if you always wait around, you let them know that their behavior is ok (when it isn't).

Op, why "do something with them" again. You have a choice in life. You do not need to choose this arrangement with people who disappoint you. You don't even need to justify it - your disappointment - it's ok to act merely on a preference. If you don't act, I have no sympathy for you.

Don't assume it will change. Stop offering to do things where they will make you late. Drive separately. Make it so that if they are late, it affects only them, not you.

My sister is like that. She is incapable of estimating time correctly, then has a million excuses as to why she was late.

I have learned to just keep doing my thing and be pleasantly surprised if she shows up.

Learn to distance yourself from this, don't try to fix it. Look out for your family's needs. And be cautious when making plans with them in the future.

I would not have waited thirty min. I'd have told them explicitly that if they're not at your house by X time you'll have to leave without their child. Period. Don't wait around for people you know will be late. In the future give them times that are thirty minutes ahead of the actual time. To help with the anger, just remind yourself that you don't know what's going on in their life or their brain that makes them this way and everyone deserves the benefits of the doubt. There are things you do that are equally maddening to someone else and they have the good grace not to tell you.

I am dealing with the parents of DC's friend. They are always late. I invited their child to my child's birthday party at a lazer party place out in the suburbs of Maryland. They were unable to take her, so I offered to take her with us to the party. They dropped her off a half hour late. I missed the first half hour of the party and we ended up taking two cars. I am doing something with them again this morning. Please give me a nice way of getting angry. I generally say nothing because it likely to be a string of expletives in a screaming shrill voice because that's the level of anger I have with these people.