sandmguy
Post 09/29/2017 10:58     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Because men aren't helping with anywhere near their fair share of housework and childcare and women are fed up and filing for more divorces than ever.


This above. My 17 year marriage dissolved because I stopped respecting my XH. He didn’t lift a finger around the house and left everything to me. He’d be sitting on the couch playing games on his phone while I’d be cleaning up the dog poo in the back yard so I could mow. He complained about how I did his laundry. He never put a dish in the dishwasher (he would rinse the dish then leave it in the sink). We both worked full time. And he wondered why I never had energy for sex (it wasn’t just a lack of energy, I didn’t respect him so it wasn’t enjoyable). Neither of us were good partners to the other.

The second we split he started taking care of his business and I’m sure he’ll be a great partner to the next wife.


Did you try counseling?
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 10:57     Subject: Appreciate each other
My husband and I are both attractive, gainfully employed, and we shared house work/child rearing equally. I think we are good parents. He is fun to talk to, and we have near-daily sex.

I appreciate him very much. Too bad his ex-wife didn’t.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 10:32     Subject: Re:Appreciate each other
Women are expected to be gorgeous, fit, bring in an equal income to her alpha spouse, prestigious career, well dressed, well groomed, great wife who wants exciting, frequent sex at a moment's notice, great mother, great at all family and social relationships, great at housework, and never forgetting thank yous.


Expected by whom? Personally, I expected my wife to care about trying to look nice; gorgeous suggests a movie star standard neither of us met. Fit? I expected not fat. Equal income, prestigious career? No. Thank you notes? No.

This todo list is not a husband's.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 10:24     Subject: Re:Appreciate each other
Marriage takes a lot of hard work and most of us don't want to work hard. To really succeed in your career you have to work your ass off and the same holds true in marriage. But both people have to accept that it takes a lot of hard work.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 09:15     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You decide to be partners; you make a life plan. Why are there so many unhappy marriages, talk of AP and divorces? Is it your partner's fault? I think all of us have bought into the American Dream. American culture expects every man to be handsome, tall, fit, big money maker, prestigious career, well dressed, well groomed, great husband, great father, great at fixing things, great at housework, great at yardwork. Women are expected to be gorgeous, fit, bring in an equal income to her alpha spouse, prestigious career, well dressed, well groomed, great wife who wants exciting, frequent sex at a moment's notice, great mother, great at all family and social relationships, great at housework, and never forgetting thank yous. Maybe the problem isn't "fat and lazy" partners, maybe it is unrealistic expectations.

When I read some of these posts on DCUM it actually makes me sad. Women complain men don't help with kids, chores, or don't make enough; men complain they are not getting enough sex or what their wives do is "busywork". No one wants to feel devalued or disrespected. Maybe your expectations need to be adjusted. Maybe we need to listen to our partners and not social media and other cultural influences. And stop with all the comparisons, judgements, and envy. Just appreciate each other more!


I'm only 2.5 years into my marriage and it has been so much harder than I ever fathomed. Our timeline was rather typical: Dated. Moved In. Engaged. Married. Pregnant. House. Baby. Career Advancement.

We had the strongest relationship before marriage but everything that came next kind of blew up that life. Since most don't jump into parenthood and homeownership before marriage I think those factors get tangled up into the 1:1 relationship you and your partner have. This is a great post, OP. The grass is always greener on the other side.



I am 3.5 years in my marriage, but there is no baby or house in sight because my husband has refused due to perceived lack of career security and financial readiness. Yet I have the same complaints as other women when it comes to his utter self-centeredness. Marriage is just not a good deal unless you really strike out with a high quality man. I thought that was what I was getting but as soon as we got married my husband thought he never had to think or care about my happiness again all the while expecting me to be his maid and therapist.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 09:00     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:You decide to be partners; you make a life plan. Why are there so many unhappy marriages, talk of AP and divorces? Is it your partner's fault? I think all of us have bought into the American Dream. American culture expects every man to be handsome, tall, fit, big money maker, prestigious career, well dressed, well groomed, great husband, great father, great at fixing things, great at housework, great at yardwork. Women are expected to be gorgeous, fit, bring in an equal income to her alpha spouse, prestigious career, well dressed, well groomed, great wife who wants exciting, frequent sex at a moment's notice, great mother, great at all family and social relationships, great at housework, and never forgetting thank yous. Maybe the problem isn't "fat and lazy" partners, maybe it is unrealistic expectations.

When I read some of these posts on DCUM it actually makes me sad. Women complain men don't help with kids, chores, or don't make enough; men complain they are not getting enough sex or what their wives do is "busywork". No one wants to feel devalued or disrespected. Maybe your expectations need to be adjusted. Maybe we need to listen to our partners and not social media and other cultural influences. And stop with all the comparisons, judgements, and envy. Just appreciate each other more!


I'm only 2.5 years into my marriage and it has been so much harder than I ever fathomed. Our timeline was rather typical: Dated. Moved In. Engaged. Married. Pregnant. House. Baby. Career Advancement.

We had the strongest relationship before marriage but everything that came next kind of blew up that life. Since most don't jump into parenthood and homeownership before marriage I think those factors get tangled up into the 1:1 relationship you and your partner have. This is a great post, OP. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 08:57     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Because women just refuse to be happy. Read the other thread. It's not enough for a man to contribute his fair share. He has to do it her way and also stress over it as much as she does or he's just being unreasonable. Misandry disguised as feminism


+10000 and I'm a woman.


Even women can be wrong sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 08:56     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:Because women just refuse to be happy. Read the other thread. It's not enough for a man to contribute his fair share. He has to do it her way and also stress over it as much as she does or he's just being unreasonable. Misandry disguised as feminism


If that is your takeaway from the other thread, you truly are part of the problem. Most men don't contribute their fair share and they use your deflection so they can avoid responsibility. Sorry, women aren't buying this shit anymore.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 08:53     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Because women just refuse to be happy. Read the other thread. It's not enough for a man to contribute his fair share. He has to do it her way and also stress over it as much as she does or he's just being unreasonable. Misandry disguised as feminism


+10000 and I'm a woman.


+1
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 08:49     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Because men aren't helping with anywhere near their fair share of housework and childcare and women are fed up and filing for more divorces than ever.


This above. My 17 year marriage dissolved because I stopped respecting my XH. He didn’t lift a finger around the house and left everything to me. He’d be sitting on the couch playing games on his phone while I’d be cleaning up the dog poo in the back yard so I could mow. He complained about how I did his laundry. He never put a dish in the dishwasher (he would rinse the dish then leave it in the sink). We both worked full time. And he wondered why I never had energy for sex (it wasn’t just a lack of energy, I didn’t respect him so it wasn’t enjoyable). Neither of us were good partners to the other.

The second we split he started taking care of his business and I’m sure he’ll be a great partner to the next wife.


My 21 year marriage is on the same path
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 08:23     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:Because women just refuse to be happy. Read the other thread. It's not enough for a man to contribute his fair share. He has to do it her way and also stress over it as much as she does or he's just being unreasonable. Misandry disguised as feminism


+10000 and I'm a woman.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 08:21     Subject: Appreciate each other
Anonymous wrote:Because men aren't helping with anywhere near their fair share of housework and childcare and women are fed up and filing for more divorces than ever.


This above. My 17 year marriage dissolved because I stopped respecting my XH. He didn’t lift a finger around the house and left everything to me. He’d be sitting on the couch playing games on his phone while I’d be cleaning up the dog poo in the back yard so I could mow. He complained about how I did his laundry. He never put a dish in the dishwasher (he would rinse the dish then leave it in the sink). We both worked full time. And he wondered why I never had energy for sex (it wasn’t just a lack of energy, I didn’t respect him so it wasn’t enjoyable). Neither of us were good partners to the other.

The second we split he started taking care of his business and I’m sure he’ll be a great partner to the next wife.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 07:28     Subject: Appreciate each other
Because women just refuse to be happy. Read the other thread. It's not enough for a man to contribute his fair share. He has to do it her way and also stress over it as much as she does or he's just being unreasonable. Misandry disguised as feminism
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 07:08     Subject: Appreciate each other
Because men aren't helping with anywhere near their fair share of housework and childcare and women are fed up and filing for more divorces than ever.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2017 07:06     Subject: Appreciate each other
You decide to be partners; you make a life plan. Why are there so many unhappy marriages, talk of AP and divorces? Is it your partner's fault? I think all of us have bought into the American Dream. American culture expects every man to be handsome, tall, fit, big money maker, prestigious career, well dressed, well groomed, great husband, great father, great at fixing things, great at housework, great at yardwork. Women are expected to be gorgeous, fit, bring in an equal income to her alpha spouse, prestigious career, well dressed, well groomed, great wife who wants exciting, frequent sex at a moment's notice, great mother, great at all family and social relationships, great at housework, and never forgetting thank yous. Maybe the problem isn't "fat and lazy" partners, maybe it is unrealistic expectations.

When I read some of these posts on DCUM it actually makes me sad. Women complain men don't help with kids, chores, or don't make enough; men complain they are not getting enough sex or what their wives do is "busywork". No one wants to feel devalued or disrespected. Maybe your expectations need to be adjusted. Maybe we need to listen to our partners and not social media and other cultural influences. And stop with all the comparisons, judgements, and envy. Just appreciate each other more!