Anonymous wrote:thanks - wouldn't it be the opposite of presumptuous? It would help show her I'm a real person and would diffuse tension? (I never met her during the interview process)

If there's already some discomfort there, you are now forcing her to deal with you before you've even started the job. I'm not sure what you mean by "a real person", but to me, it would seem like you were jumping the gun, and frankly, you seem almost a bit too concerned with her feelings to the point where I would be uncomfortable with it. As a pp said, you are her boss, not her friend. Be respectful, but focus on the work and the job.

It's almost like you're a stepmother who's insisting on being called "mom", if that makes any sense. It's overeager, which is rarely appealing.

Anonymous wrote:I was thinking about asking my new direct report, who is already at the company, to lunch before I start work in two weeks

She is already feeling uncertain about her position because I came in and layered her in between my future boss and her.

Will getting lunch help or hurt? How do I phrase the request without seeming condescending?

Team lunches are fine.

SOunds like your company went with a new external hire (YOU) over promoted an internal hire (HER). Technically this was not your decisions, so she will need to come to terms with it. It could be due to her or it could be due to a simple external hire bias the company has.

What you can do, is act like her boss and teammate. Be humble, get to know the computer systems, way around, solicit ideas, BUT ACT LIKE YOUR TITLE. If there is not a clear delineation of roles and responsibilities, she will get unhappy and leave, or you will get unhappy and tread water. You're her boss before you are her friend.

Anonymous wrote:thanks - wouldn't it be the opposite of presumptuous? It would help show her I'm a real person and would diffuse tension? (I never met her during the interview process)

If you are really nice to her and ask her to lunch the first week. Don't talk down to her. Acknowledge that you are new. Don't overly suck up like "Oh Gee! I don't know how I got this job! I'll really depend on you since you probably could do it with your eyes closed!" Just indicate you'll treat her with respect then do.

Wait until you're actually working there, then ask to go to lunch that first week.

thanks - wouldn't it be the opposite of presumptuous? It would help show her I'm a real person and would diffuse tension? (I never met her during the interview process)

I would wait until you are on the books.

I would plan on it during your first week, rather than before you even start. That seems presumptuous to me.

I was thinking about asking my new direct report, who is already at the company, to lunch before I start work in two weeks

She is already feeling uncertain about her position because I came in and layered her in between my future boss and her.

Will getting lunch help or hurt? How do I phrase the request without seeming condescending?