We've had this happen at birthday parties, and my daughter did it as well. In her case, the girls who spent the night were ones who no longer lived in town. (It was a dinner and a movie birthday party) so everyone seemed totally fine with that and we didn't even keep it quiet. I don't recall it causing any problems at other birthday parties either -- I think just one or two of the girls bestie friends stayed over but it wasn't a big deal.

I think 4 out of nine though is too many. I'd say just one or two and yes they have to be mature enough and caring enough to be quiet about it. If you don't believe they will be far better to say no to a sleepover. Often the girls are so tired and worn out anyhow, a sleepover on top isn't a great idea.

yes it's rude
there is no way the kids aren't going to talk
it's hurtful

Anonymous wrote:I have seen this done before and think hurt feelings are unavoidable. I would say no.

I also think it's rude. My daughter experienced exactly this about a month ago. But interestingly, she wasn't fazed by it at all. Eight girls were invited, and two were invited to spend the night. My daughter said it was no big deal because everyone knew those two girls were best friends with the birthday girl.

Since she wasn't bothered by it, maybe this is typically done? I think it would be ok if just one special friend was invited to spend the night, but not more than one. That way, all other girls are in the same boat and there would (hopefully) be no hard feelings.

Rude. Don't do it.

It's rude. When DS was 9 he showed up to a bowling birthday party and learned that a subset of guests had just arrived from the sleepover portion of the party. He was polite and didn't say anything of course but I could tell it bothered him.

Have the girls sleep over another time.

Seriously, you have to ask if it is rude? Yes, it is very rude!

I have seen this done before and think hurt feelings are unavoidable. I would say no.

Anonymous wrote:As an adult, you should know that this is a line in the sand kind of thing. Absolutely 100% no.

+1 Not worth the drama or hurt feelings. You would feel the fallout.

As an adult, you should know that this is a line in the sand kind of thing. Absolutely 100% no.

Rude. Have a sleepover on another night.

It's obviously rude. I was one of the not-included-in-the-sleepover girls @ 33 years ago, and I still remember! The other girls WILL hear about it (not to mention notice sleeping bags and such).

Very rude and could potentially hurt someone's feelings. Would your DD want someone to do that to her? Have your overnight another time.

That is rude.

Having one sleepover is no big deal. But 3-4 out of 9? Nope. Very rude.

I would take this opportunity to refuse on the grounds that it's rude.
I hate sleepovers...

Next time she can invite 3 and have them all sleep-over.

11 YO DD is having a bday party next weekend with 9 girls. Today she asked if 3 could sleepover. I'm thinking it's rude to only invite a subset to stay overnight. DD doesn't agree and says that the girls staying overnight won't say anything and will keep it to themselves. She nor I want all of them to stay over. What do you think?