My 91 y.o. mom is divorced, and a mild hoarder. She's full of energy and positivity, and the kids love her, but man is she a lot of work. I arranged for her part-time nurse to drive her over for the day to see the kids.

She started going on about some old blankets she got from a woman who was selling her house, and would I like some? No thank you, mom. And just kept going on, are you sure, you don't want even one? No, no, no I don't need any, mom.

And you know, she wouldn't let up, and I should just say sure, I'll take one, but I knew the next phase would be: which one, which color....so all of a sudden I said, "Mom, why are you collecting old blankets? That's something Dad would do."

Then the s**t really hit the fan and she was furious. "Well. So glad I came." and I had to talk her down from gathering her nurse and tennis-balled walker and shuffling out the door.

My mom was crazy (actually a borderline ) I walked on eggshells around her. I limited my exposure as much as possible ( she's dead now). I discussed it with my kids, starting when they were very young, and never left them with her. Once when my mother was mad at my grandmother, she put a hole in her front door with an AXE. Police were called, mom arrested, court ordered anger management counseling & probation. I also used to think, she's sick and can't help herself. So if they are truly crazy- limit exposure. Otherwise, keep your sense of humor. Some people get very bitter when they get old and want to make everyone else miserable. Don't let them rain on your parade! Good luck

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, at least you write about it with great humor.
I will steal grumping around and passively aggressing, if you don't mind.

I can only handle 2 weeks with my beloved parents, and that's with my mother on her best behavior. Hang in there.

I'm less humorous about my own parents. DH's don't hear so well, which helps immensely. You can actually say what you're thinking, and no one is the wiser!

You know what they say - your parents can push your buttons because they installed them. I always got along better with MIL than dh did because she didn't install my buttons and I could afford to be kind.

Many years ago, we learned we have to limit our visits to my parents' house to a weekend, max. Even though it's a five-hour drive each way. We just get tired of each other fast. My parents used to be horribly critical, negative, and fussy, but they've learned to control it for the brief visits. And now, in their 80s, they feel it keenly that each visit can be the last.

Anonymous wrote:Its so challenging to care for my 89 yo mother, after one day spent with her visiting, running errands or even going out to lunch (on us) she turns on us with criticisms, weight, kids, lifestyle, etc. The only sibs she doesn't criticize are the ones who visit infrequently and do not take on responsibilities. It makes it really tough to even phone her because she is so negative.
But its our duty, I just think it would be easier if the glass was half full more often.

Yes, at least these visits are infrequent. I am not looking forward to caring for them or my parents (my mom, maybe, but not my dad).

Its so challenging to care for my 89 yo mother, after one day spent with her visiting, running errands or even going out to lunch (on us) she turns on us with criticisms, weight, kids, lifestyle, etc. The only sibs she doesn't criticize are the ones who visit infrequently and do not take on responsibilities. It makes it really tough to even phone her because she is so negative.
But its our duty, I just think it would be easier if the glass was half full more often.

Anonymous wrote:
Well, at least you write about it with great humor.
I will steal grumping around and passively aggressing, if you don't mind.

I can only handle 2 weeks with my beloved parents, and that's with my mother on her best behavior. Hang in there.

I'm less humorous about my own parents. DH's don't hear so well, which helps immensely. You can actually say what you're thinking, and no one is the wiser!

Well, at least you write about it with great humor.
I will steal grumping around and passively aggressing, if you don't mind.

I can only handle 2 weeks with my beloved parents, and that's with my mother on her best behavior. Hang in there.

In-laws are here. They are nuts. DH doesn't care to play their games. Everyone is grumping around rearranging the furniture, making individual cups of coffee, and passively aggressing about the kids' schedules, clothes, pets, and activities. Actually all clothes: mine, theirs, the people working on their yard across the street.

I really think we could get a screenplay out of this if anyone wanted to see a 50-something couple and late-70s couple spend a week all wishing the visit would end!