Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 23:47     Subject: Question for stepparents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No and have no interest in them. They treated their Dad horribly as teens per their mom's wishes. When they were young, we tried hard. But, after years of doing things, like sending clothing (brands, styles, colors they wanted) and other stuff and never once getting it acknowledged (just it arrived, didn't even have to be a thank you), I gave up and stopped trying. They only call if they want something, usually money which Dad will no longer give. If the situation were different, I'd love them and would do a lot for the one who has a child. We have a child and I cannot imagine raising them to hate the other parent and discouraging a relationship.


Why wasn't their father more involved beyond sending clothes and material things? Did he spend time with them? Show up at all their functions? Drive them to school? Participate in their daily and care and life?

If not, it's easy to understand their resentment.


Mom moved them cross country and Dad could not follow. Dad at one point tried to move there and daughter pitched a fit saying mom would be upset. He would buy plane tickets and she would refuse to put them on the plane. The courts would just say send the kids and give dad more visitation and make her pay more costs but she refused. Courts would not do anything. Dad did as much as he could. Mom cheated, left, took the kids and blamed Dad saying he cheated and was a deadbeat (he never was) and was horrible to him. Kids copied behavior to get mom's approval. Its weird as she's very nice to us now and frequently texts to see how he, we, our child or his mom is (whom she treated horribly). His daughter sends random emails too. He wishes they would stop.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 23:34     Subject: Question for stepparents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My stepkids were 9 and 11. I do love them. It's a different kind of love than I have for my children, but I don't expect differently. Raising kids is just TOUGH anyway, and the kind of love one has for one's own kids makes it easier. It's easy to explain biologically--we experience such a tremendous, forgiving love that it soothes the difficulties. So it really is just harder to love stepkids even when things are hard.

I focus on the positive and try to let go of the negative as much as possible. This is only feasible because DH and I have a strong relationship and support each other, and he carries his weight. I could not handle stepkids without a full partner.

My stepkids' personalities can be hard for me sometimes. I won't lie, they annoy me more than my own kids.


I second all of this.


+2

Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 23:30     Subject: Question for stepparents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No and have no interest in them. They treated their Dad horribly as teens per their mom's wishes. When they were young, we tried hard. But, after years of doing things, like sending clothing (brands, styles, colors they wanted) and other stuff and never once getting it acknowledged (just it arrived, didn't even have to be a thank you), I gave up and stopped trying. They only call if they want something, usually money which Dad will no longer give. If the situation were different, I'd love them and would do a lot for the one who has a child. We have a child and I cannot imagine raising them to hate the other parent and discouraging a relationship.


Why wasn't their father more involved beyond sending clothes and material things? Did he spend time with them? Show up at all their functions? Drive them to school? Participate in their daily and care and life?

If not, it's easy to understand their resentment.



Maybe their mother didn't let him see them much? Just because you sacrifice a lot in a situation like that does not mean kids will reciprocate.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 23:09     Subject: Re:Question for stepparents
My husband came into our lives when he was six, married before 8 and he loves him like his own son. He's an incredible and loving person, though. I got them involved in activities they both liked doing which I think also helped them bond. I feel lucky to have married him.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 22:59     Subject: Question for stepparents
Anonymous wrote:No and have no interest in them. They treated their Dad horribly as teens per their mom's wishes. When they were young, we tried hard. But, after years of doing things, like sending clothing (brands, styles, colors they wanted) and other stuff and never once getting it acknowledged (just it arrived, didn't even have to be a thank you), I gave up and stopped trying. They only call if they want something, usually money which Dad will no longer give. If the situation were different, I'd love them and would do a lot for the one who has a child. We have a child and I cannot imagine raising them to hate the other parent and discouraging a relationship.


Why wasn't their father more involved beyond sending clothes and material things? Did he spend time with them? Show up at all their functions? Drive them to school? Participate in their daily and care and life?

If not, it's easy to understand their resentment.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 20:58     Subject: Question for stepparents
Anonymous wrote:My stepson was really young - like 2 - when he started coming around more often (every other weekend). Very sticky situation that I won't go into depth over. I care about him enough to not let anything bad happen to him, but I don't love him like my own children. I don't actually like his personality very much either, but he's just a kid, so it is what it is. All kids have their quirks.


Wow, does he dad know you feel this way? Poor kid. I'm sure he picks up on your bad vibes.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 20:57     Subject: Question for stepparents
No and have no interest in them. They treated their Dad horribly as teens per their mom's wishes. When they were young, we tried hard. But, after years of doing things, like sending clothing (brands, styles, colors they wanted) and other stuff and never once getting it acknowledged (just it arrived, didn't even have to be a thank you), I gave up and stopped trying. They only call if they want something, usually money which Dad will no longer give. If the situation were different, I'd love them and would do a lot for the one who has a child. We have a child and I cannot imagine raising them to hate the other parent and discouraging a relationship.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 20:52     Subject: Question for stepparents
Anonymous wrote:My stepkids were 9 and 11. I do love them. It's a different kind of love than I have for my children, but I don't expect differently. Raising kids is just TOUGH anyway, and the kind of love one has for one's own kids makes it easier. It's easy to explain biologically--we experience such a tremendous, forgiving love that it soothes the difficulties. So it really is just harder to love stepkids even when things are hard.

I focus on the positive and try to let go of the negative as much as possible. This is only feasible because DH and I have a strong relationship and support each other, and he carries his weight. I could not handle stepkids without a full partner.

My stepkids' personalities can be hard for me sometimes. I won't lie, they annoy me more than my own kids.


I second all of this.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 20:47     Subject: Question for stepparents
Sad thread.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 20:41     Subject: Question for stepparents
I love them. They were 3, 8, and 9 when I met them. I do not love them as much as my own child. But I work hard to protect them, encourage them, and encourage their relationship with their father.

I function and feel more like an aunt. That seems to work for all of us.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 11:23     Subject: Question for stepparents
My stepkids were 9 and 11. I do love them. It's a different kind of love than I have for my children, but I don't expect differently. Raising kids is just TOUGH anyway, and the kind of love one has for one's own kids makes it easier. It's easy to explain biologically--we experience such a tremendous, forgiving love that it soothes the difficulties. So it really is just harder to love stepkids even when things are hard.

I focus on the positive and try to let go of the negative as much as possible. This is only feasible because DH and I have a strong relationship and support each other, and he carries his weight. I could not handle stepkids without a full partner.

My stepkids' personalities can be hard for me sometimes. I won't lie, they annoy me more than my own kids.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 09:28     Subject: Question for stepparents
She was 4 when I met her and she is 15 now - I do love her, but admittedly not nearly in the same way I love my biological children. I had a step-sister growing up who was a serious manipulator of my parents and made very poor decisions as a teen (and as an adult...) and unfortunately I see a lot of similarities in my step-DD. We don't see her very often now that she's in high school and involved in activities and social life, so we really only hear from her when she needs money.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2017 09:25     Subject: Question for stepparents
My stepson was really young - like 2 - when he started coming around more often (every other weekend). Very sticky situation that I won't go into depth over. I care about him enough to not let anything bad happen to him, but I don't love him like my own children. I don't actually like his personality very much either, but he's just a kid, so it is what it is. All kids have their quirks.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2017 22:05     Subject: Question for stepparents
Not really-9 and 11. I do like them though, and would do a lot for them. Don't love them the way I love my own kids though. We've only ever had them every other weekend and summers, I'm guessing it may be different if they actually lived with me.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2017 21:42     Subject: Question for stepparents
Do you love your stepchildren? How old were they when you entered their lives?