She's only known a few weeks and she already knows for sure she wants to divorce? What does the DH want to do?

I know she is in shock, but I think she should totally slow play this, go to counseling, etc. and give herself time to get her ducks in a row before demanding a divorce.

She should talk to an attorney first, both for advice on how getting a job now will affect her child/spousal support, and for some general guidance on how assets are likely to be divided and what kind of support she can expect. It wouldn't be great for her to take a job with lower pay and more flexible hours based on an expectation of having the kids the majority of the time and sufficient child/spousal support to supplement the salary, only to find out when she's six weeks on the job that she's only going to have them 50% of the time and support will be much less than she anticipated so she needs to find a different job.

Here's my question. Let's say she strategically holds off on getting a job before the divorce in order to maximize alimony/CS.

Then afterward she goes and gets a job. This is a change in material circumstances.

Doesn't he then go back and say, "she has income now, so we must recompute alimony/CS"? (And possibly also custody)

Similarly, if he got a big promotion and raise after the divorce, she'd want to recalculate the money based on his new income level, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to talk to a lawyer.

How much she gets in child support depends on a number of factors - how much she has the kids, how much her salary is. She may be in for a shock at how low child support may be if he wants 50/50 custody (which will cut his child support amount drastically). She may get a small amount of alimony for a couple of years if she has been out of the workforce for a while.

In almost all cases, SAHMs need to tighten their belts significantly.

"SAHM" is a perk of marriage that is lost when the marriage ends.
I've (personally) never heard of a divorced SAHM. On what planet does this exist?

If there are lots of assets, anything goes. Don't know if that's the case here.

Anonymous wrote:She needs to talk to a lawyer.

How much she gets in child support depends on a number of factors - how much she has the kids, how much her salary is. She may be in for a shock at how low child support may be if he wants 50/50 custody (which will cut his child support amount drastically). She may get a small amount of alimony for a couple of years if she has been out of the workforce for a while.

In almost all cases, SAHMs need to tighten their belts significantly.

"SAHM" is a perk of marriage that is lost when the marriage ends.
I've (personally) never heard of a divorced SAHM. On what planet does this exist?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really does depend on the state. Many states, it's just a formula. He makes x, she makes x and child needs x and parents each contribute x depending on income.

She should look for a job now. She has no idea how long its going to take her to get a job. She will probably move out at some point during the separation, and in some states, the separation period can't even begin until you're living apart. Does she plan to keep the house?

When she does get a job, he can just go and ask for the support numbers to be changed to reflect her income. It is really futile at this point.

And we all "deserve" the maximum amount of support.

+1. And from his perspective, he has been supporting her for a number of years already.

What kind of crap is this? You could easily rephrase that to read "and from her perspective she's been raising his kids for a number of years already." Why do people seem to think that men are "owed" someone raising their children and then act like the mom has been sitting on her ass "being supported." Presumably, this was a joint decision the couple made, but now that the marriage is tanking he's been "supporting her." BS.
Signed, a WOHM but this is crap.

Because they're her children as well and presumably he has shared in the responsibility of raising them, providing for them, nurturing them. So why should he continue supporting her with negligible effort on her part once he's moved out?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really does depend on the state. Many states, it's just a formula. He makes x, she makes x and child needs x and parents each contribute x depending on income.

She should look for a job now. She has no idea how long its going to take her to get a job. She will probably move out at some point during the separation, and in some states, the separation period can't even begin until you're living apart. Does she plan to keep the house?

When she does get a job, he can just go and ask for the support numbers to be changed to reflect her income. It is really futile at this point.

And we all "deserve" the maximum amount of support.

+1. And from his perspective, he has been supporting her for a number of years already.

What kind of crap is this? You could easily rephrase that to read "and from her perspective she's been raising his kids for a number of years already." Why do people seem to think that men are "owed" someone raising their children and then act like the mom has been sitting on her ass "being supported." Presumably, this was a joint decision the couple made, but now that the marriage is tanking he's been "supporting her." BS.
Signed, a WOHM but this is crap.

I wouldn't be so sure she will get majority custody.

Anonymous wrote:It really does depend on the state. Many states, it's just a formula. He makes x, she makes x and child needs x and parents each contribute x depending on income.

She should look for a job now. She has no idea how long its going to take her to get a job. She will probably move out at some point during the separation, and in some states, the separation period can't even begin until you're living apart. Does she plan to keep the house?

When she does get a job, he can just go and ask for the support numbers to be changed to reflect her income. It is really futile at this point.

And we all "deserve" the maximum amount of support.

+1. And from his perspective, he has been supporting her for a number of years already.

She needs to talk to a lawyer.

How much she gets in child support depends on a number of factors - how much she has the kids, how much her salary is. She may be in for a shock at how low child support may be if he wants 50/50 custody (which will cut his child support amount drastically). She may get a small amount of alimony for a couple of years if she has been out of the workforce for a while.

In almost all cases, SAHMs need to tighten their belts significantly.

It really does depend on the state. Many states, it's just a formula. He makes x, she makes x and child needs x and parents each contribute x depending on income.

She should look for a job now. She has no idea how long its going to take her to get a job. She will probably move out at some point during the separation, and in some states, the separation period can't even begin until you're living apart. Does she plan to keep the house?

When she does get a job, he can just go and ask for the support numbers to be changed to reflect her income. It is really futile at this point.

And we all "deserve" the maximum amount of support.

She should probably not go into this divorce with the mindset that she "deserves" the maximum amount of anything.

The better question is how does she intend to provide for herself during the separation period until the divorce is final without a job? Unless her husband is making serious money she's going to need a job.

The answers to your questions are also state specific and of course you didn't provide the state. Finally, she should spend $300 and get a consult with a lawyer before making major life decisions rather than listening to the people on here.

A "much lower position" in what field? You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about your friends ability to find a job- are you in a certain industry where this is automatically true?

my SAHM friend just found out a few weeks ago that her DH is having a long-term affair. She is an emotional wreck.
She has almost 100% committed to divorcing now, but she's so nervous and confused. She's been a SAHM for 10+ years and knows she will have to find a job again, hopefully in her field but a much lower position. I can try to help her, because we are/were in the same industry

Should she start looking now for a job now? Or should she get the divorce first as a SAHM? She wants (and deserves) the maximum child support and alimony from her DH. I'm sure she'll get majority of the custody. He's usually too busy working or seeing his mistress to spend time with his kids.
If she gets a job before they divorce, will it lower her support?

Thanks