Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't have the Xmas issue but we alternate years for Thanksgiving- one year with my family, one year with Dh's family.

OP here. We do this too. The family that has Thanksgiving doesn't get Christmas that year. The problem is the gifts. Thanksgiving doesn't have gifts. (btw, we don't actually want gifts)

Growing up, we did Christmas at Thanksgiving with one of my sets of grandparents for several years.

You aren't being unreasonable at all. We did the two Christmases thing for a while after our first was born, but once we had our second we were done-- in fact, we haven't traveled for Thanksgiving or Christmas for the past two years and I don't think we will this year either. Parents and ILs alternate coming to us.

I'm sure that that will change over time but for right now it is been a real blessing.

Do it the way you want. The kids are only young once and you don't want to regret those years. We stopped traveling to see ILs on Christmas after one year they cancelled on us (to see my SIL's family instead). After that, never again.

We finally stopped doing Christmas with both of our families due to the logistical nightmare it was causing due to both families living hundreds of miles from here. We now do Christmas at home and invite the grandparents to visit. I felt pretty guilty the first year but got over it quickly once I realized how much more relaxing and fun it was to spend Christmas in our own home for once.

We also made the decision that Christmas for our kids would always be in their own home. We did not live near grandparents and moved every few years (military), so it was important to us that our kids had Christmas at home.

With a few exceptions, most Christmases have been at home with just our nuclear family. We have a lot of traditions that we've created over the years that the kids love, and our Christmas Day is typically peaceful and enjoyable. Our kids have enjoyed the few years when we've spent Christmas with a lot of family around, but they always say they prefer the years when it is just us and we have our quirky but fun for us traditions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't have the Xmas issue but we alternate years for Thanksgiving- one year with my family, one year with Dh's family.

OP here. We do this too. The family that has Thanksgiving doesn't get Christmas that year. The problem is the gifts. Thanksgiving doesn't have gifts. (btw, we don't actually want gifts)

That's perfect, then. You don't want the gifts, they won't give them over until you arrive, so there is no motivation for you to bend over backwards to go to them for an extra Christmas. It's like someone demanding you come over to their house so they can serve you a turd sandwich and if you don't come, you don't get it - "Oh darn, guess I'll just have to miss out on that thing I definitely didn't want in the first place!"

We have always had a policy that we spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at our home. I wanted my kids (they are adults now) to wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning. Relatives were welcome to visit us. But we don't travel at Christmas. We sometimes left Christmas afternoon to visit relatives. I think that cut down on feeling like we had to be several places at once.

Now that my kids are grown - two married with kids of their own, we don't pressure anyone to come home at holidays.

Christmas is at your house. Grandparents are more than welcome to come. We drew a hard line when our children were born and only budged one year when we all went to the Caribbean for Christmas, including in-laws.

Anonymous wrote:We don't have the Xmas issue but we alternate years for Thanksgiving- one year with my family, one year with Dh's family.

This is me. I would just have it at your own house.

Anonymous wrote:We don't have the Xmas issue but we alternate years for Thanksgiving- one year with my family, one year with Dh's family.

OP here. We do this too. The family that has Thanksgiving doesn't get Christmas that year. The problem is the gifts. Thanksgiving doesn't have gifts. (btw, we don't actually want gifts)

We don't have the Xmas issue but we alternate years for Thanksgiving- one year with my family, one year with Dh's family.

Anonymous wrote:Multiple Christmases is crazy. Did you do that with your grandparents as a kid? I doubt it.

It's selfish for the grandparents to want to each have a full blown Christmas every year. Let them travel to you or send gifts and Skype Christmas morning. Sheesh.

+1. DH and I live hours away from each set of grandparents (and they aren't near each other). For now we're alternating but when DD gets older, we'll do Christmas at home and we'll invite the grandparents to come if they'd like. I doubt they will as the other grandkids are local to the grandparents but we aren't doing multiple Christmases. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:Multiple Christmases is crazy. Did you do that with your grandparents as a kid? I doubt it.

It's selfish for the grandparents to want to each have a full blown Christmas every year. Let them travel to you or send gifts and Skype Christmas morning. Sheesh.

OP here. DH's grandparents were local so he did go around on Christmas to a couple houses, but had the real Christmas on Christmas morning in his own living room.

My grandparents were both cross country and I spend every other Christmas with them and every other Christmas in my own living room. That's what I'm trying to work towards.

I think the gifts are the sticking point. They want to hold the gifts until they see the grandkids.

Multiple Christmases is crazy. Did you do that with your grandparents as a kid? I doubt it.

It's selfish for the grandparents to want to each have a full blown Christmas every year. Let them travel to you or send gifts and Skype Christmas morning. Sheesh.

We're struggling with this and am thinking of this now because we're making holiday plans. We spend every other holiday alternating between DH's family and my family. Now that we have kids (the only grandkids), there's a HUGE push for us to do 2 Christmases. Neither family is local; one is cross country and the other is 4 hours away. We are holding firm on only having one Christmas a year. We don't have much annual leave and we want to simplify holidays and spend more time with nuclear family and on creating nuclear family traditions. We only want to celebrate with one side each year. Alternatively, we are willing to host both grandparents in our house on Christmas, but neither wanted that.

So what is the alternative? When one family is told that we aren't coming for Christmas, they ask when we're coming up to celebrate and they expect us the next weekend. They don't ship presents and they don't visit us. Last year we were celebrating Christmas in the middle of January because that was the first chance we could get to go visit the parents.

Am I being unreasonable?