I tried to tell myself while ending a bad relationship with an abusive ass that he wasn't going to rob me of my ability to be open and have relationships with someone more worthy. So there's that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least it's just about men. My divorce and custody issues have been such a mess that I'm cynical about life in general.

Me too. Man here.

Pp here. Nah, I an cynical about life in general also. Woman.

Anonymous wrote:At least it's just about men. My divorce and custody issues have been such a mess that I'm cynical about life in general.

Me too. Man here.

It's normal to be cynical.

It's not productive to hate and bash all men or try to make them pay for the sins of another.

Take your time and deal with the things you need to deal with.

The martyr routine will go over really well when you start dating OP.

Totally ! My exDW cheated on me and I feel the same about women.

At least it's just about men. My divorce and custody issues have been such a mess that I'm cynical about life in general.

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal?

My STBX cheated on me, drank too much, and was financially controlling. I kowtowed to him until I just couldn't anymore. Now that I'm out on my own I feel so negative and cynical about men in general.

I'm sure you have some male friends who are good guys so you can be sure there are good guys out there. When you are ready to meet one you will. But if you wear your negativism and cynicism on your sleeve they will stay away.

It comes and goes. I was abused. I an cynical about men, but I am generally a hopeful person about the future. So, it makes me hopeful I will meet a good guy in the future. Give it time. Meet people. Let yourself be defensive and freak out for a bit. I would go through periods of hating men and having too much sex when I was lonely. I got an infection that put me off sex for several weeks, so now I am focused on the prize. Either being happy alone, or eventually meeting someone who is good for me. No rush or pressure meeting someone.

Anonymous wrote:When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.
Oscar Wilde

This is for widows/widowers not divorce.

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.
Oscar Wilde

Sure, it's common to end a marriage on a cynical note.

However, instead of focusing on others, focus on yourself. It's not about blame but introspection and making sure you make healthy choices in the future. That means understanding your behavior in the past--or you WILL repeat the mistakes.

What is it about your upbringing, family relationships, etc. that resulted in you being attracted to and maintaining a relationship with someone unhealthy? What boundaries do you have? What's your self-esteem like? Work on all that.

It takes a long time to heal. They suggest 2-5 YEARS for being cheated on. Every day will get a little better, trust me. BTDT. For now take care of yourself, focus on doing things for you. Discover new hobbies or rediscover old hobbies. Don't worry about love for now. My BIGGEST fear when my ex and I split was that no man would ever find my attractive again. I could lose about 20 pounds and I'm not a high earner. But man, was I wrong, when I was healed and ready I have had no trouble whatsoever meeting great guys. Tall "executive" alpha male high earners that the DCUM set goes crazy for... (that's a joke but honestly I've met several of those).

I don't know if it's normal, but I feel the same way. Maybe one day, I will want a boyfriend, but I don't want to remarry.

Is it normal?

My STBX cheated on me, drank too much, and was financially controlling. I kowtowed to him until I just couldn't anymore. Now that I'm out on my own I feel so negative and cynical about men in general.