Husband can see him OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOME, on his own time, if he so chooses. You can't step in the middle of a father-son relationship, but what you CAN do is set the boundaries of never seeing the FIL yourself, and never allowing the FIL in your home, and never accepting any communication from him whatsoever.

Nope. No more chances. Tell DH that if he feel pity he can have a relationship with his father outside of your family but he's not to ever mention anything said or done to you and cannot use any financial resources from your family to support his father ever.

Move the letter into the trash and move on with your life. If husband is concerned about his father - and I agree that it sounds like something is wrong - he should look into options on his own.

Life's too short to put up with people who are deliberately hurtful, no matter what's causing it.

FIL just reached out again, asking for a clean slate again. It's been 2 years since we saw him and 2 months since we got a letter from him comparing me to a women he used to know who he described as a whore. Yes, he only communicates through snail mail.

We've clean slate again and again -- he refuses to apologize so this is our way of having a relationship with him. Things go well, I put the past under the carpet, and don't bring it up, and then he'll say something. Something like...

It sounds like your husband (his son) doesn't love you.

My son (my husband) told me that your family hates you, too.

It's not my fault that no one in our family likes you -- that's no one's fault but yours.

I talked to my shrink and he says that you are mentally ill.

DH is conflicted. He doesn't reply but feels confused. He thinks his dad has brain damage which I think is an excuse. Anyway we got the latest letter and it's just sitting on our kitchen table. It's been there for a week. Neither DH nor I have talked about it. Not looking for advice. I just wanted to share.