Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the names you call him, it sounds like you both like to point out each other's less than ideal points.

Letting yourself go and not caring about staying attractive to your partner is often problematic. Very different than you body being impacted by pregnancy or illness or chemo etc.

NP, but what on earth? Where did she call him a name?

Nevermind I just re-read the post looking for it and missed the title.

Anonymous wrote:Given the names you call him, it sounds like you both like to point out each other's less than ideal points.

Letting yourself go and not caring about staying attractive to your partner is often problematic. Very different than you body being impacted by pregnancy or illness or chemo etc.

NP, but what on earth? Where did she call him a name?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has disordered thinking. The red flags for me were that he weighs himself twice a day and works out 8 times a week.

I have (mostly) recovered from an eating disorder and don't own a scale and "only" work out 5-6 times a week. I am very firm about having a "rest" day for my body and won't do anything more strenuous than strolling around for a couple of miles.

He does cardio every morning M-F, then he does weights M-W-S. so he does take Sundays off.

But he's doing two-a-days and he's not a professional athlete.

Yes, I agree he is over the top!

Anonymous wrote:How much weight? There's a difference if you've gone up 10 pounds vs 50 pounds.

There's also a difference between your spouse changing appearance from a life threatening illness beyond their control, and voluntary choices that led them to change. Most people don't mind the former, but find the latter unattractive.

More like 50 lbs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has disordered thinking. The red flags for me were that he weighs himself twice a day and works out 8 times a week.

I have (mostly) recovered from an eating disorder and don't own a scale and "only" work out 5-6 times a week. I am very firm about having a "rest" day for my body and won't do anything more strenuous than strolling around for a couple of miles.

He does cardio every morning M-F, then he does weights M-W-S. so he does take Sundays off.

But he's doing two-a-days and he's not a professional athlete.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has disordered thinking. The red flags for me were that he weighs himself twice a day and works out 8 times a week.

I have (mostly) recovered from an eating disorder and don't own a scale and "only" work out 5-6 times a week. I am very firm about having a "rest" day for my body and won't do anything more strenuous than strolling around for a couple of miles.

+1 I'm a good 60lbs heavier than when DH and I married (been married 25 years). He still finds me very attractive and has no problem getting an erection. You got a dud.

OP here, he doesn't have erection problems. But he just isn't that interested.

How much weight? There's a difference if you've gone up 10 pounds vs 50 pounds.

There's also a difference between your spouse changing appearance from a life threatening illness beyond their control, and voluntary choices that led them to change. Most people don't mind the former, but find the latter unattractive.

Anonymous wrote:He has disordered thinking. The red flags for me were that he weighs himself twice a day and works out 8 times a week.

I have (mostly) recovered from an eating disorder and don't own a scale and "only" work out 5-6 times a week. I am very firm about having a "rest" day for my body and won't do anything more strenuous than strolling around for a couple of miles.

He does cardio every morning M-F, then he does weights M-W-S. so he does take Sundays off.

Anonymous wrote:He has disordered thinking. The red flags for me were that he weighs himself twice a day and works out 8 times a week.

I have (mostly) recovered from an eating disorder and don't own a scale and "only" work out 5-6 times a week. I am very firm about having a "rest" day for my body and won't do anything more strenuous than strolling around for a couple of miles.

+1 I'm a good 60lbs heavier than when DH and I married (been married 25 years). He still finds me very attractive and has no problem getting an erection. You got a dud.

I feel your pain, OP. This came up in my relationship and even though I knew I had gained wait I felt absolutely gutted that he would say that to me. I work out but it's harder for me to lose weight than it is for him.

I told him how much it hurt and he's never said anything like it again, but I think about it.

He has disordered thinking. The red flags for me were that he weighs himself twice a day and works out 8 times a week.

I have (mostly) recovered from an eating disorder and don't own a scale and "only" work out 5-6 times a week. I am very firm about having a "rest" day for my body and won't do anything more strenuous than strolling around for a couple of miles.

Given the names you call him, it sounds like you both like to point out each other's less than ideal points.

Letting yourself go and not caring about staying attractive to your partner is often problematic. Very different than you body being impacted by pregnancy or illness or chemo etc.

It is difficult for many men to get an erection for a fat woman. It's not fair. It just is.

At least he is honest.

After 19 years of marriage, DH told me I am fat. He isn't attracted me to at this size.
I have gained weight. He weighs the same as when we married. He is obsessed with being fit and slim. He grew up bullied as he was overweight. He weighs him self twice a day and does 8 work outs a week.
I totally agree I am fat and I gained weight. I just feel really sad that he can't find me attractive at this size. I watched my mom battle breast cancer and chemo. She lost her breast and hair, yet to my dad she was the most beautiful woman. I'm sad I don't have that unconditional love.
I watch my overweight friends who have DHs who find them gorgeous. Yet, I don't have that.