Woman here. It took me three years to recover, but I had such a bad marriage that I had detached long ago. I don't believe there is any rule about men and women recovering in any set amount of time. Everyone is different.

What I Gained:

Peace
Confidence
A new career
Financial security
New friends (but didn't lose old ones)
A warm, calm home
More empathy for people who are struggling
Less tolerance for gossip and meaningless chatter
A broader outlook on life and the world and my future
A willingness to be vulnerable, which has deepened friendships
Less tennis, more museums and travel
Lost 15 pounds and kept it off over six years
Sanity (I was gaslighted too and still go to therapy about it.)
PEACE and control of my own destiny!

My life has improved a million times over. I'm not sure if everyone feels this way, but I think that MOST my divorced friends are overall more happy than MOST of my married friends.

But going through divorce was hell for me, and as others have written here, I thought I was literally going to die from the pain and stress.

Of course I would do it all again. My marriage was hell. It finally feels like a long time ago now.

Anonymous wrote:I can do whatever I want, but I have no money to do anything. Divorce killed both of us financially.

Men recover in 5 years, women in 7.

Self respect!!!
My children's respect.
Sanity (I was being terribly gaslit until my parents intervened).
Tranquil and harmonious home life
Control over my own earnings (he was financially abusive)

my sanity
off the roller coaster

weight
gaslighting
self-doubt

Roar wrote:Most people I know after divorce actually lost something...weight.

I lost 10 pounds initially (couldn't eat) but have since gained 20 pounds. I have been doing well (not drinking too much, not misbehaving etc.) but food has been a comfort when bad feelings crop up. I am working on it though because I want to feel and look my best.

Most people I know after divorce actually lost something...weight.

I got my life back. I was horribly codependent and a martyr and always put myself last. I can now do whatever I want whenever I want with whoever I want. It's so liberating. No one criticizes how I do their laundry. My house is a thousand times cleaner. I no longer have to be a masseuse every night and no longer have to give of myself without getting something in return (unless I choose to). I was able to purchase the car I wanted to buy instead of defaulting to the one my ex chose to drive the least. I was a total doormat in my marriage and didn't recognize it until it ended.

I'm very fortunate though in that I wasn't financially impacted by the divorce.

I can do whatever I want, but I have no money to do anything. Divorce killed both of us financially.

I gained a newfound relationship with my children, who knew I was human, made mistakes but always put them first. That is something I continue to reflect on when things are tough, as all divorces are.

I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose

I gained peace. I stopped being angry and afraid. I gained happy children who stopped tip-toeing around and being worried all the time. I gained a good friend in my Ex.

Control. Predicatablility. Sanity. End of anger. End of fighting. No more trying to please someone who could not be pleased. Increased feeling of safety. Before that I didn't know if ex would run up the credit card or drive drunk... increased ability to focus on children's well being. And no more keep-the-peace sex with someone who I knew didn't really like me.

I'm all ears, too!

How did your life change?