Instead of punishment, try rewards. Create a family kindness jar. Every time you catch another person in the family being kind to each other, put a marble in. When the jar is full, go somewhere special as a family. At the beginning, it will be you modeling; then you can slow down putting marbles in for your behavior and focus on catching her being kind, especially to her father.

3 yo DD is just getting over this phase now (but with me). It hurt. Me. A lot and I would tell her. My work has changed a bit and I'm spenjbding a little more time with her and that has actually helped a lot. I've also started singing to her agin at bedtime (before it was just stories and she loves that too). We did used to tell her how mean it was when she said stuff like that, but I don't know how consistent DH was about it. It's hard bc DH travels a lot so she would often be sad that he wasn't around and super excited when he came home bearing gifts.

We nipped this in the bud REALLY early. Both kids went through phases of preferring one parent over the other at different times. If DS1 wanted water and I brought it, during the daddy phase, he would say "I want Daddy to bring it". Too bad. I brought it, and you can drink it or not. Or DH would say something about me being nice enough to bring him water.

OP - kill this now. Also, you may need to examine YOUR behavior and comments toward your DH and/or your reaction to what she is saying. I would create something that they have to do together on a regular basis. He can take her to dance/swim/karate every Wednesday and Saturday night or something. Or they get up on Saturday or Sunday mornings and get donuts (or whatever).

OP here. We do punish her or give her a time out every single time and she truly doesn't care. She loves ice cream and loses her treat pretty much every weekend and is just like oh well.

She also does spend time alone with DH - sometimes theyhave a great time, sometimes she is horrible.

OP here. We do punish her or give her a time out every single time and she truly doesn't care. She loves ice cream and loses her treat pretty much every weekend and is just like oh well.

She also does spend time alone with DH - sometimes theyhave a great time, sometimes she is horrible.

Anonymous wrote:Are y'all serious? My DD just turned 3 and she tells her dad all the time that she doesn't love him. We tell her that's not nice and that daddy loves her, etc., but it hasn't stopped the behavior. I figure its a phase like everything else is at this age, and I would never punish her for this. DH knows she doesn't hate him, but it can't be easy to hear. She spends time with him just fine and has a great time, so it's not like she's refusing to spend time with him. We try not to talk about it though- I figure the more we focus on it, the longer she'll do it.

If she does not get consequences, then she won't stop the behavior. Yes, you punish her. No one is say spank her... but she needs consequences

Anonymous wrote:Are y'all serious? My DD just turned 3 and she tells her dad all the time that she doesn't love him. We tell her that's not nice and that daddy loves her, etc., but it hasn't stopped the behavior. I figure its a phase like everything else is at this age, and I would never punish her for this. DH knows she doesn't hate him, but it can't be easy to hear. She spends time with him just fine and has a great time, so it's not like she's refusing to spend time with him. We try not to talk about it though- I figure the more we focus on it, the longer she'll do it.

Just turned 3 is developmentally different than 4.5!

Are y'all serious? My DD just turned 3 and she tells her dad all the time that she doesn't love him. We tell her that's not nice and that daddy loves her, etc., but it hasn't stopped the behavior. I figure its a phase like everything else is at this age, and I would never punish her for this. DH knows she doesn't hate him, but it can't be easy to hear. She spends time with him just fine and has a great time, so it's not like she's refusing to spend time with him. We try not to talk about it though- I figure the more we focus on it, the longer she'll do it.

Anonymous wrote:She needs to be punished every single time she is rude and she needs to be punished by YOU. Dad needs to do some one on one things with her. You leave for the day. Tell her that she will be spending the dad with just dad. She can choose to have fun all day with him or choose to be miserable all day

+1 to this.

4.5 is old enough that this behavior cannot be tolerated.

I'd make sure that she and dad get lots of fun 1:1 time together. Encourage him to find a tradition -- going out for pastries and coffee on Saturday morning, going for a bike ride after dinner on Tuesday nights, whatever. Have him build positive memories with her.

She needs to be punished every single time she is rude and she needs to be punished by YOU. Dad needs to do some one on one things with her. You leave for the day. Tell her that she will be spending the dad with just dad. She can choose to have fun all day with him or choose to be miserable all day

Anonymous wrote:In the same boat. Following. same age daughter. Sometimes she even says, I just love you more, Mommy. Ugh.

Ugh yes... she says this all the time right in front of DH ?

In the same boat. Following. same age daughter. Sometimes she even says, I just love you more, Mommy. Ugh.

Correct her with a punishment every single time. Don't let up. You've been too soft until now.

Also ask her why she doesn't like him, when he's not around.

Does anyone have a child who is sometimes mean and rude to just one particular parent? My 4.5yo DD has always been a mommy's girl but over the past 6 months she has started being really rude and mean to DH on occasion and we don't know how to nip this behavior in the bud. Sometimes she is her normal sweet self to him, but other times her behavior is unacceptable. It ranges from just saying she doesn't want daddy to play with us, to giving him dirty looks and yelling at him to go away. She also doesn't want him to do anything for her sometimes and it's like he can do nothing right.

When he isn't around she will tell me and her nanny that she doesn't really like daddy, or that she wishes it was just her and mommy. I truly have no idea why she is like this. He is a really great dad.

We have tried explaining that it isn't okay to be mean, giving time outs, and even taking away privileges for bad behavior. Nothing seems to get through to her though - she will be nice for a few hours and then it's back to her meanness whenever she feels like it.

At this point it is starting to impact my relationship with DH and we need help in managing it. Maybe I will consult a psychologist, but wondering if anyone has been here.