It always depends on the friends and the spouse.

I just had a dear friend get newly involved. He's a great guy, I'm thrilled for her (some MUCH deserved happiness in her life) etc...

She promptly vanished from the face of the earth as soon as they became a couple. We stopped seeing her, she stopped being available for any activities, she stopped taking an interest in anyone else's life (even during serious scary illnesses when she would otherwise have been right there to help) etc... It was exactly like I remember girls behaving when we were in our teens and 20's. Except she's 60, divorced w/ grown kids, etc...

I think 13:12 is exactly right - who you are at 20 is still essentially who you are at 60.

I didn't know this friend until we were much older so this has been a revelation and a disappointment. But there's not much to do about any of it.

I'd never stop putting my DH before my GF's. He's my best friend and the sex is great.

Anonymous wrote:Um don't you want your husband to put you first???

It depends on the situation. My husband and I give each other a lot of leeway.

OP - The main thing I see is a friend being unwilling to commit to plans until the last minute when they no their guy is not available. The guys are generally the type that won't commit to them until the last minute. I've also had friends cancel on me multiple times if something better comes up with the guy. I generally initiate plans but I'm getting sick of it. I've had plans with a friend for a while to celebrate her b-day, which I planned, and now she's saying she may have to cancel if this guy she's spent about 1 week total with plans to be in town.

I know, I just need to let it go and focus on the friends that put me first, at least some of the time.

Anonymous wrote:huh? You must have the wrong friends.

I am head over heels in love with my DH, but if my friends want girls night out or a dinner out, it comes before DH. DH and I hang out every night after the kids are asleep. Friendships are rare and special. We only hang out once a week or so, not every night like when we were 20.

That's not what "coming before them/him" means at ALL.

huh? You must have the wrong friends.

I am head over heels in love with my DH, but if my friends want girls night out or a dinner out, it comes before DH. DH and I hang out every night after the kids are asleep. Friendships are rare and special. We only hang out once a week or so, not every night like when we were 20.

. I don't deal well with this and have a hard time keeping my mouth shut

You might want to consider changing that.

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriends still put their husbands ahead of our friendships and we are in our mid 40s, so the answer is never

Well, Obviously. Is this comment serious??

Um don't you want your husband to put you first???

My girlfriends still put their husbands ahead of our friendships and we are in our mid 40s, so the answer is never

^^ woops I sent that too early. Do you mean things like not prioritizing making regular plans with and staying in touch with their girlfriends? Or things like straight up ditching you for a guy she just met when you're out together, canceling plans if some guy she's been seeing has decided to throw her a bone and ask her to hang out last minute, or one track mind ramble-obsessing about a guy to the point that it's rude?

If the latter...character flaw, unlikely to get better. If the former, and they're newly divorced...be patient, and be okay with being the plan initiator for awhile if you want to hang out. Rheyll realize

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the women you surround yourself with.

Even in my 20s my girlfriends weren't the type to go missing because of a man.

In my experience the women who are as you describe in their 20s are like this their entire lives.

I would have to agree with this, generally. By the time we hit our mid-20s my friend group had moved beyond that point. What do you mean when you say "putting them first"?

It depends on the women you surround yourself with.

Even in my 20s my girlfriends weren't the type to go missing because of a man.

In my experience the women who are as you describe in their 20s are like this their entire lives.

I get that this was the norm when we were young and looking for a provider and father for our children. Now we are in our mid 40's to mid 50's, divorced, financially secure, and done having kids. Most of my friends in this demographic continue to put men first - even ones that treat them like crap. I don't deal well with this and have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I date and am looking for a life partner but I balance my time between the men I date and my girlfriends and enjoy the time equally. Does this ever change???? Maybe when we get to our 60's???