i decided to see what would happen if I stopped inviting my sil and her family over for various holidays/dinners/BBQs. We have not seen her in two years. My MIL is angry at us for "not reaching out". Makes no sense, as long as I host everything is great Does not occur to them that perhaps they should reach out too?

Our house is really small and we have no backyard. We go to other people's houses, but we try to compensate by bringing more, i.e. side dish, dessert and a nice wine or 6-pack. I'll also take the kids out for a movie or a playground. and we'll do picking up favors.

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this too. Either they don't reciprocate or it takes them like six months to do so. It's weird.

I have noticed a 3:1 ratio. We host 3 times for every 1 invitation. It is really higher since we host 2-4 couples at a time.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not comfortable inviting people over.

Then invite them out to something, it doesn't have to be at your home. Stop with the excuses.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not comfortable inviting people over.

Do you go to other people's houses?

For me, because we are going through some hard times as a family. Behavior issues, anxiety in another one, financial issues. When people ask us, we love it. We don't intend to turn down a gracious invite just because we can't return the favor. In my mind if I've to return the favor but feel inadequate and overwhelmed. I do bring thoughtful hostess gifts when you invite us. That, I can manage.

Anonymous wrote:They may not realize it's important to you, or just think you like hosting. I have a friend who has a huge gorgeous house and she hosts everything. I know she doesn't care about reciprocating because when I've invited her to group dinners/ events at my house on a couple of different occasions she reached out to me to ask if she can host the event at her house, and then moved the entire party to her place. If you host as often as you say your friends may just think that's your thing and you would rather host than attend.

I'm not the OP but a PP who responded saying she's noticed the same thing.

It's not really that important to me but it is something I've noticed. Like many of you, I was raised that you a.) never invite yourself to someone else's house and b.) you take turns issuing invitations and hosting (and we used to have to send thank you notes! lol)

When you're raised that way, it's hard not to notice and take it personally. But I don't think these people mean it as a personal slight because they're always very happy to be invited and say "we should do this again sometime, come over to our house next time."

I'm not comfortable inviting people over.

Anonymous wrote:We don't host adults very often but we invite kids over for playdates all.the.time. Or offer to pick them up on the way to the pool or playground, or take them with us to school activities like a dance or bingo. There are kids over here all the time (3 elementary schoolers). Only a few families ever reciprocate outside of birthday party invites.

My kids are extroverted (thanks DH) and beg to hang out with their friends. It used to bother me and made me feel awkward after inviting little Larlo over for the tenth time in a row ( like were his parents trying to hint something by never reciprocating the invite?). I got over it-people are busy and self-focused. *I* would be embarassed to never reciprocate but I guess some/most people don't feel the same.

Could be the large family dynamic, too. My SIL has one kid and we have her over for sleepovers and she never invites my 3 over. She has made comments like "what's one more"...I think she geniuinely thinks her kid is no more work at all than our three. These families probably figure their kids are just blending into your crowd.

I've noticed this too. Either they don't reciprocate or it takes them like six months to do so. It's weird.

We don't host adults very often but we invite kids over for playdates all.the.time. Or offer to pick them up on the way to the pool or playground, or take them with us to school activities like a dance or bingo. There are kids over here all the time (3 elementary schoolers). Only a few families ever reciprocate outside of birthday party invites.

My kids are extroverted (thanks DH) and beg to hang out with their friends. It used to bother me and made me feel awkward after inviting little Larlo over for the tenth time in a row ( like were his parents trying to hint something by never reciprocating the invite?). I got over it-people are busy and self-focused. *I* would be embarassed to never reciprocate but I guess some/most people don't feel the same.

They may not realize it's important to you, or just think you like hosting. I have a friend who has a huge gorgeous house and she hosts everything. I know she doesn't care about reciprocating because when I've invited her to group dinners/ events at my house on a couple of different occasions she reached out to me to ask if she can host the event at her house, and then moved the entire party to her place. If you host as often as you say your friends may just think that's your thing and you would rather host than attend.

I don't know, but I'm glad that I'm not the only one. I was beginning to take it personally.

Cause people suck.

I'm a mom and I have a lot of friends (kids are preschool age). We entertain at our house a lot. We invite people over all the time for playdates, or dinner and a playdate (where we make a nice homemade dinner). We also host holidays (we host Thanksgiving every year, inviting different friends).

Rarely are we ever invited to someone else's home for a playdate or dinner. We've never been invited to share a holiday with another family (we have no local family to share holidays with and all our friends know this). Our friends seem happy to come over and seem to have a fun time but never reciprocate.

I have one friend who does reciprocate but the rest don't. The rest don't even invite us to meet up with them out of the house very often--maybe once a year if that.

I'm starting to feel annoyed about this. I can make new friends, but I expect that they may be like this too.

My question is: why don't people reciprocate and why don't they feel obligated to? When I was growing up my mother always reciprocated every playdate and invitation. It doesn't even have to be at their house, suggesting we meet up for an activity once in awhile would just be nice.