Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:18
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. BIL and I married sisters. So this could actually blow up on me if SIL unloads on DW and gets DW thinking about whether I really do need to take a couple of business trips and a "boys golf weekend" each year.
You and your BIL married sisters? Exactly how is your BIL your BIL if not through marriage?
Became BIL upon marriage. Jones marries Sister 1. Smith married Sister 2. Jones and Smith are now BIL's.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:13
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Anonymous wrote:OP here. BIL and I married sisters. So this could actually blow up on me if SIL unloads on DW and gets DW thinking about whether I really do need to take a couple of business trips and a "boys golf weekend" each year.
If you make yourself trustworthy and show a commitment to a happy marriage, your marriage will be fine.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:12
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Anonymous wrote:OP here. BIL and I married sisters. So this could actually blow up on me if SIL unloads on DW and gets DW thinking about whether I really do need to take a couple of business trips and a "boys golf weekend" each year.
You and your BIL married sisters? Exactly how is your BIL your BIL if not through marriage?
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:12
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Anonymous wrote:Context: My brother-in-law was at a conference last week, and went down to the Lobby Bar one evening. As he mingled with colleagues from around the country, one called him over to chat. She's a professional colleague he's known for a few years. He said she is very attractive, really smart, and a very interesting person with similar views and background.
He said she was very complimentary of his intelligence and decency, but he took these as professional compliments. She said she really liked him, but he thought that was just the booze talking. However, eventually she was talking to another guy and said she goes for smart and dorky guys (which fits my BIL to a "T"). She even told him how adorable he is as they both were heading back to their (own) rooms. BIL again thinks that was the booze talking, but he was really tempted to try to hook up. He had only one drink and was sober, which he says helped him hold it together and remain faithful.
Now he went and discussed this with his wife this weekend. His intention was to tell her how much he loves her, and that he doesn't want to take their relationship for granted as they focus on the kids (10 and 8). She blasted him for feeling a temptation to cheat, and made him sleep on the couch the last few nights. She said it's pretty selfish that he gets to travel for business and go out flirting while she takes care of the kids. She also said his "tale" is really a threat, and that she thought he was bigger than that.
I think there's something to be said for her view, as he put himself into position to be tempted (by going down to the hotel lounge). But doesn't his wife's reaction mak things gen times worse, when they should work on connecting in the face of their responsibilities?
There was no point in him telling her that. He needs to when to keep his mouth shut.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:11
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Anonymous wrote:OP here. BIL and I married sisters. So this could actually blow up on me if SIL unloads on DW and gets DW thinking about whether I really do need to take a couple of business trips and a "boys golf weekend" each year.
Why is boys golf weekend in quotes? Are you cheating?
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:05
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
OP here. BIL and I married sisters. So this could actually blow up on me if SIL unloads on DW and gets DW thinking about whether I really do need to take a couple of business trips and a "boys golf weekend" each year.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:05
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
He sounds like a moron. Why are you involved?
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:03
Subject: Re:My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Telling his wife about it was a terrible thing to do. He could have come home and told her all about how much he loves her that he doesn't want to take the relationship for granted, wants to work on things, etc., without mentioning he was tempted to cheat. By telling her, all he did was plant the seeds in her mind that 1) he sometimes gets tempted by other women; and 2) his work travel puts him into positions where he has opportunities to cheat. What is she supposed to do with this information now? I can absolutely see why she thinks it might be a veiled threat, especially if they're already in a rough patch (which is how it sounds from your post). Telling her those details was cruel.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:02
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Sorry, it's BIL.
Yeah, i told him I think it was a humble brag, albeit maybe subconsciously. He's telling the SAHM that he can do better, after she's supported him for so long.
Yeah, i told him I think it was a humble brag, albeit maybe subconsciously. He's telling the SAHM that he can do better, after she's supported him for so long.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:02
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
What exactly does he want from you? To tell him he was right to tell his wife? To pat him on the head for not cheating? Just to listen to him vent? To talk to his wife on his behalf?
I agree with PPs, he shouldn't have told her. Her reaction, though, probably stems from other resentments and has nothing to do with the situation at hand.
I agree with PPs, he shouldn't have told her. Her reaction, though, probably stems from other resentments and has nothing to do with the situation at hand.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 16:01
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
So the wife is your sister?
I would tell my sister to get an effing grip.
My husband's brother I would stay out of it.
I would tell my sister to get an effing grip.
My husband's brother I would stay out of it.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 15:56
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Anonymous wrote:Ahhh, I understand being tempted to cheat. I think it's only human. But his mistake was telling his wife about it. What's she supposed to do with this knowledge? Maybe she overreacted but I can see why she would be pissed off.
this
Also I could see how this could be taken as a humble brag
Anonymous
08/08/2017 15:55
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Ahhh, I understand being tempted to cheat. I think it's only human. But his mistake was telling his wife about it. What's she supposed to do with this knowledge? Maybe she overreacted but I can see why she would be pissed off.
Anonymous
08/08/2017 15:54
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
So is it your brother or BIL?
And in any case, why are you getting involved?
And in any case, why are you getting involved?
Anonymous
08/08/2017 15:52
Subject: My brother wants my support; In trouble for not cheating
Context: My brother-in-law was at a conference last week, and went down to the Lobby Bar one evening. As he mingled with colleagues from around the country, one called him over to chat. She's a professional colleague he's known for a few years. He said she is very attractive, really smart, and a very interesting person with similar views and background.
He said she was very complimentary of his intelligence and decency, but he took these as professional compliments. She said she really liked him, but he thought that was just the booze talking. However, eventually she was talking to another guy and said she goes for smart and dorky guys (which fits my BIL to a "T"). She even told him how adorable he is as they both were heading back to their (own) rooms. BIL again thinks that was the booze talking, but he was really tempted to try to hook up. He had only one drink and was sober, which he says helped him hold it together and remain faithful.
Now he went and discussed this with his wife this weekend. His intention was to tell her how much he loves her, and that he doesn't want to take their relationship for granted as they focus on the kids (10 and 8). She blasted him for feeling a temptation to cheat, and made him sleep on the couch the last few nights. She said it's pretty selfish that he gets to travel for business and go out flirting while she takes care of the kids. She also said his "tale" is really a threat, and that she thought he was bigger than that.
I think there's something to be said for her view, as he put himself into position to be tempted (by going down to the hotel lounge). But doesn't his wife's reaction mak things gen times worse, when they should work on connecting in the face of their responsibilities?
He said she was very complimentary of his intelligence and decency, but he took these as professional compliments. She said she really liked him, but he thought that was just the booze talking. However, eventually she was talking to another guy and said she goes for smart and dorky guys (which fits my BIL to a "T"). She even told him how adorable he is as they both were heading back to their (own) rooms. BIL again thinks that was the booze talking, but he was really tempted to try to hook up. He had only one drink and was sober, which he says helped him hold it together and remain faithful.
Now he went and discussed this with his wife this weekend. His intention was to tell her how much he loves her, and that he doesn't want to take their relationship for granted as they focus on the kids (10 and 8). She blasted him for feeling a temptation to cheat, and made him sleep on the couch the last few nights. She said it's pretty selfish that he gets to travel for business and go out flirting while she takes care of the kids. She also said his "tale" is really a threat, and that she thought he was bigger than that.
I think there's something to be said for her view, as he put himself into position to be tempted (by going down to the hotel lounge). But doesn't his wife's reaction mak things gen times worse, when they should work on connecting in the face of their responsibilities?