I have not learned that. Nobody on earth has learned how to not be upset around my mother.

So I don't see her much.

I pretend I'm in a sitcom. On sitcoms, terrible behavior seems funny.

OP I completely sympahize.....I can't stand my mother either and she's had to move in with my family because of serious health issues. On top of that her dementia means having to groundhog day every single instruction. It is driving me insane.

Anonymous wrote:np: Sorry to take attention from op, do you mean that if my mom says my house is too small (hers is bigger), my kids are terrible eaters, they're spoiled, etc, then I should just ignore those comments?

Yep. You cannot win an argument of subjective statements. The more you respond the more she becomes encouraged to say more. It is a vicious cycle and you are holding the spoon stirring madly when you respond.

np: Sorry to take attention from op, do you mean that if my mom says my house is too small (hers is bigger), my kids are terrible eaters, they're spoiled, etc, then I should just ignore those comments?

You cannot control other people, you can only control your reaction to them. Think of the things that your parent does that hits your hot button and think of your typical response. How can you change your typical response? Now, can you implement it? If you can do it successful, repeating as necessary (since the parent behavior will escalate, trying to get the successful response from years past, before it begins to abate) then you can maybe remove that one hot button issue. You then proceed to move to additional hot buttons. Note, you cannot change your parent because the behaviors are so ingrained but you can remove your hot button issues from their arsenal so that you can begin to relate and, eventually at the very least, enjoy the behaviors you see directed at less sensitive areas of your psyche.

No. I had to go no contact. It was just too upsetting and stressful to deal with my mom.

Here's what worked for me:
1. Decreasing frequency of visits.
2. Decreasing length of visits.
3. Choosing to see her not on her own turf, where she's most liable to be unpleasant.

If you can't stand your parent because they have a very difficult personality, have you learned how to be around them without feeling upset?