Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen it with younger siblings or the least intelligent sibling. People get used to patterns and hierarchy.

I'm the oldest, the most educated and the smartest by far (undisputed). It happened anyway. I think it's more that people want to put others down so they can feel superior. If they need to treat you the way they did when you were 10 years old in order to do that, then that's what some people will do.

In my experience it's social savvy that determines who bullies who, not education or age. The slow-thinking types get left in the dust.

Sometimesy family walks on eggshells around me...not sharing full info on sensitive topics etc. I was a sensitive kid. People who have only known me the last 10 years or so think I'm pretty tough. I have to really advocate for myself around my family now to remind them I can handle it.

Same here. In the last year I've had it and have stopped making any efforts at maintaining relationships with them.

Yes OP, I am in a similar situation. Try to stay away from the family members as much as possible has been the best thing I have done.

Not me, but one of my aunts has struggled her entire life with a family member steamrolling her and overruling event the smallest decisions she makes in her own home ("We're having pot roast for dinner." "No, you can't make that good a pot roast, I'll make a pork loin for dinner.") This person comes into her house and rearranges things - decided it was "morbid" to have a small portrait of a family member who has passed away in a display with others who had not and removed it, hid a decor item they didn't like so well that it took us years to find it. It's been tough to watch, and attempts to intervene have not ended well.

She has chose to deal with it by absorbing the small things, hiding anything she feels strongly about keeping and suspects may be an issue, and speaking up on things that are important to her. We also back her up or step in when the bullying starts ("I love your pot roast and am really looking forward to having it for dinner. Can I peel some potatoes for you?")

I grew up in a poor area so experienced this a lot. What worked for me was aggressively correcting family that I cared about and cutting off anyone else. People don't know you changed unless you demonstrate it in front of them. Then again it's easy to cut off moron family members when yuou used to be poor.

Anonymous wrote:I have seen it with younger siblings or the least intelligent sibling. People get used to patterns and hierarchy.

I'm the oldest, the most educated and the smartest by far (undisputed). It happened anyway. I think it's more that people want to put others down so they can feel superior. If they need to treat you the way they did when you were 10 years old in order to do that, then that's what some people will do.

If people try to make you feel bad about yourself it's time to move on, or see them few and far between.

Family or not.

You show people how to treat you.

Anonymous wrote:adult or teen?
I am having this trouble where family speaks to me like an idiot in public. That discourse became a habit when I was a very insecure teen and young adult.
Strangely, I am still insecure, but confident or really just brave and have done well professionally. They dismiss my success as luck and still look down at me. Some actually "demand' money from me when they need it.
This came to light when coworkers pointed out that they noticed a bizarre relationship between myself and some siblings.
It is easy to keep my relatives away from co workers, but not so easy to keep them away from my kids.

I also found it incredibly difficult to cut them off, but yeah, I wasn't going to let them treat me that way. We treat our kids with respect, they treat us with respect, they treat others with respect, other people notice how sweet they are and treat them with respect too. It's a positive cycle, rather than a negative one. So it's worth it for us, although of course we wish we had a relationship with grandparents, if things were different.

Yes OP I am 52 and my family still acts like this. Annoying.

I have seen it with younger siblings or the least intelligent sibling. People get used to patterns and hierarchy.

Yes, my older sisters were like that for years. I had to seriously distance myself from each of them for a few years (at different times, not concurrently). They kept treating me like their idiot 12 year old little sister despite the fact that I am a well educated adult with a good job and a good head on my shoulders. I found the more I spent time with them, the more I actually started believing I was some incompetent loser that couldn't do anything right so I really needed some space and boundaries for my own sanity.

Things got better when I got married. Apparently that was the milestone that made it clear to them that I was an adult. Strange that marriage is what it took since I was already well into my 30s by that time.

I've seen my mother, who is the youngest of 7, in that dynamic - she is in her 60s. Despite having been on a more even footing with her siblings for decades, some of them still treat her like the maid. I used to be mad on her behalf, but now I realize that it's all on her - she lets herself be treated like that.

YOU have the power. You have to be courteous at all times, dress well and stand up straight and be gracious and smile.

You can say no. You must not explain or defend yourself. They are not entitled to any explanations.

You must distance yourself and stop being available.
Your kids can survive without seeing their extended family that often.

adult or teen?
I am having this trouble where family speaks to me like an idiot in public. That discourse became a habit when I was a very insecure teen and young adult.
Strangely, I am still insecure, but confident or really just brave and have done well professionally. They dismiss my success as luck and still look down at me. Some actually "demand' money from me when they need it.
This came to light when coworkers pointed out that they noticed a bizarre relationship between myself and some siblings.
It is easy to keep my relatives away from co workers, but not so easy to keep them away from my kids.