Op sounds incredibly selfish in bed.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it his sole responsibility to give you an orgasm? Why aren't you taking your orgasm? Do what you have to do or tell him what you need. Just lying there on your back ain't getting it done. How about a little enthusiasm from you?

Yes!

So your solution was to have him buy a book about oral sex? How is that supposed to help if you can't tell him exactly what you want? It's not that difficult once you know who your partner likes it. Either you don't know what you want or you have some issues with achieving an orgasm. I wouldn't put the blame all on your DH (poor guy).

Why is it his sole responsibility to give you an orgasm? Why aren't you taking your orgasm? Do what you have to do or tell him what you need. Just lying there on your back ain't getting it done. How about a little enthusiasm from you?

OP, you mentioned that your sex life was never that great to begin with. What did you expect would happen over the years? Why do people get married and think things will automatically change for the better?

Well how do you rate yourself as a sexual partner? Have you tried a vibrator? Order this for the weekend
https://www.amazon.com/LELO-Smart-Wand-Large-Plum/dp/B008F8J3I4/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1500482202&sr=8-2&keywords=vibrator+lelo

Tell him exactly what you want. Why would you have him buy a book? It seems like it's YOU that doesn't know what you want from him. He's not a mind/body reader. If you don't know what turns you on, then why would he?

Don't project your sexual dissatisfaction on him. You are responsible for your own satisfaction and that includes letting him know what you want.

OP, thank you for the suggestions, I will try them. I want to make this work out, and am willing to try any reasonable suggestions that could make things better.

Anonymous wrote:Hope this isn't too explicit, but can you satisfy yourself in front of him and actually show him how you like to be touched etc...A book is useless.

This. Or just take care of yourself each time and then move along to the things he is good at?

Anonymous wrote:Add a vibe to your sessions. For instance, if him going downtown doesn't get you all the way there, you can use a vibe during doggy. Win-Win!

I should mention that my wife and I have been doing this for years and it NEVER fails. Plus, it takes the pressure off of both of us to perform.

If he read the book, he actually cares. Success is your orgasm (orally), correct?

If intercourse means very little to you, he's actually trying to finish quickly to minimize impact on you. Your perception might be its inpersonal, yet he might not feel your positive reaction, regardless of position and interprets that as a dead fish.

Here's my suggestion, let him investigate vibrators you can use together. For example, we've got 6 different ones and I really investigated the models from a bunch of providers including Lelo, We Vibe, Hello Touch and the mother of all -- the Hitachi Magic Wand. Let him purchase one (Adam & Eve always having sales). When he hits the "spot", Tell him. If you want "wax on, wax off" motion, tell him. We will do what you want and it actually improves it.

In return, be enthusiastic and even insert some dirty talk in the mix. Send a text with double entendre. Encourage him to do the same.

Think of it as a cat toy on a string....when you dangle the toy, the cat's super engaged. When you just hand the toy to the cat, it's no longer of interest.

Add a vibe to your sessions. For instance, if him going downtown doesn't get you all the way there, you can use a vibe during doggy. Win-Win!

Hope this isn't too explicit, but can you satisfy yourself in front of him and actually show him how you like to be touched etc...A book is useless.

Have you tried telling him explicitly what you like and don't like? He can read a book on it, but since different women like different techniques, that's not automatically going to improve how satisfying it is for you. DH and my sex life has gotten better over the years, in significant part because we ask for what we want and don't get our noses out of joint when the other person tells us something's not working for us.

I apologize if this belongs in explicit, but I don't intend to get to graphic. I've been married for 14 years and have 2 kids in elementary school. DH is a good father, and a reasonably good husband - not the most romantic guy, and sometimes inconsiderate, but mostly good - helps around the house, can be a bit abrupt at times, but by no stretch is he mean or abusive. Our sex life together has never been that great. It's hard for him to make me orgasm through oral, and that's the only way I could ever do it with anyone. Sex is rather quick and just not that satisfying. It was never great, but it is starting to bother me more than it used to. I feel like I deserve to enjoy having sex and am afraid I never will again. I don't think it is anything about DH's looks that is turning me off - he's gained a bit of weight, but nothing terrible, works out, keeps clean, nice hair. I wish he would be more romantic and pay more attention to me outside of sex, but there's really nothing terribly wrong about his personality either. I'm not sure what to do - I want to like sleeping with him, and I don't want to find anyone else. I told him this is bothering me, and he brought a book about how to perform oral sex, but it didn't help him. What can I do to help fix this (and please do not say have an affair or find someone else, because I don't want to)?