Anonymous wrote:His family he deals with it I only would step in if things were getting ugly.

My family doesn't happen, but if it did I'd step in and be on the side of who wasn't being a jerk. Husband doesn't get a pass because he's a husband.

This.

His family he deals with it I only would step in if things were getting ugly.

My family doesn't happen, but if it did I'd step in and be on the side of who wasn't being a jerk. Husband doesn't get a pass because he's a husband.

Generally, no. That's a fast way to escalate a fight, as well as create a situation where my husband feels he has to take sides. He's an adult, he can handle his relationships with his family. If they were really just piling on and abusing him, that would be different, but if it's just a straight-up argument, I let him handle it.

If it's his family, he should do the fighting. You can provide support but he needs to say the words.

If it's your family, you need to do the fighting. If it's an actual argument with one of your family members versus your spouse, you need to sort it out yesterday. Totally unacceptable in my book. Nip any snarky comments etc in the bud WAY before it becomes a full blown argument otherwise you're putting your spouse in a really unfair situation.

And why? Because he married you, not your family. You should be an adult and deal with your problems, don't force them onto other people because you're too lazy/insecure/whatever to deal with them personally.

Anonymous wrote:Your family member or theirs?

I wondered that too. Their family? Let them sort it out. If I feel like it should be handled differently, I'll tell him privately. I might cut it short by asking him to take me home.

My family? Damn straight I'm going to defend my spouse. Unless he's being a total dick, then I'll make vague apologies and exit, and discuss in private why he feels that it's ok to be a dick to my family and how we're never going to have that situation happen in the future.

Your family member or theirs?

Well, my husband is a lawyer so I'm confident in his ability to defend himself. But even without that, I know he loves the hell out of his family so if he's arguing with them, he won't let it go so far that it would damage the relationship.

I learned early in my marriage that it's better I stay out of it. Especially if I think DH was wronged.

It depends on the situation.

If you see your spouse engaged in an argument or fight with a family member, do you step in and defend them? Or try to keep to yourself and let them sort it out?
Why or why not?