Anonymous
07/11/2017 12:24
Subject: Private school and divorce
What's the school system?
Anonymous
07/11/2017 12:23
Subject: Private school and divorce
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Married. One young kid. Divorce not imminent.
My spouse wants our DC to go to same school (s) spouse went to growing up. 30k yr average. I think our public schools are fine. I met my spouse at one of the fancy private schools (which I hated and which contributed to my parents lack of retirement savings when they divorced.)
Spouse expects me to work additional years in order to make this happen rather than retiring early.
I make double what my spouse does, so not really seeing the payoff from the private school education.
Don't want to be locked into a 30k/year commitment that jeopardizes my own retirement so Spouse can re-live the elite lifestyle of spouse's youth.
Does she work? If not, tell her she can pay for it by going back to work so your retirement isn't affected.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 12:21
Subject: Private school and divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. Married. One young kid. Divorce not imminent.
My spouse wants our DC to go to same school (s) spouse went to growing up. 30k yr average. I think our public schools are fine. I met my spouse at one of the fancy private schools (which I hated and which contributed to my parents lack of retirement savings when they divorced.)
Spouse expects me to work additional years in order to make this happen rather than retiring early.
I make double what my spouse does, so not really seeing the payoff from the private school education.
Don't want to be locked into a 30k/year commitment that jeopardizes my own retirement so Spouse can re-live the elite lifestyle of spouse's youth.
Just say no.
Would also be a no for me
Anonymous
07/11/2017 12:12
Subject: Private school and divorce
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Married. One young kid. Divorce not imminent.
My spouse wants our DC to go to same school (s) spouse went to growing up. 30k yr average. I think our public schools are fine. I met my spouse at one of the fancy private schools (which I hated and which contributed to my parents lack of retirement savings when they divorced.)
Spouse expects me to work additional years in order to make this happen rather than retiring early.
I make double what my spouse does, so not really seeing the payoff from the private school education.
Don't want to be locked into a 30k/year commitment that jeopardizes my own retirement so Spouse can re-live the elite lifestyle of spouse's youth.
Just say no.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 11:56
Subject: Private school and divorce
OP here. Married. One young kid. Divorce not imminent.
My spouse wants our DC to go to same school (s) spouse went to growing up. 30k yr average. I think our public schools are fine. I met my spouse at one of the fancy private schools (which I hated and which contributed to my parents lack of retirement savings when they divorced.)
Spouse expects me to work additional years in order to make this happen rather than retiring early.
I make double what my spouse does, so not really seeing the payoff from the private school education.
Don't want to be locked into a 30k/year commitment that jeopardizes my own retirement so Spouse can re-live the elite lifestyle of spouse's youth.
My spouse wants our DC to go to same school (s) spouse went to growing up. 30k yr average. I think our public schools are fine. I met my spouse at one of the fancy private schools (which I hated and which contributed to my parents lack of retirement savings when they divorced.)
Spouse expects me to work additional years in order to make this happen rather than retiring early.
I make double what my spouse does, so not really seeing the payoff from the private school education.
Don't want to be locked into a 30k/year commitment that jeopardizes my own retirement so Spouse can re-live the elite lifestyle of spouse's youth.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 11:17
Subject: Re:Private school and divorce
Anonymous wrote:I moved to an area (rented) with better schools post divorce. All the private school talk stopped with that.
Nothing wrong with that. People on DCUM act like the only reason why private school is an issue with divorced parents is one parent trying to stick it to the other. Married couples disagree about private school as well.
Two things to remember:
Do what is in the best interest of the child. Actually research the schools. Consult neutral parties who have a professional knowledge of the child. Going to private or public school is rarely a permanent decision. Many families move in and out as children's needs change.
Private schools aren't giving kickbacks to divorced moms if they get their ex to pay the tuition. In fact, a divorced parent will receive less FA if they admit that both parents are responsible for paying for private school.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 11:10
Subject: Re:Private school and divorce
I moved to an area (rented) with better schools post divorce. All the private school talk stopped with that.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 11:05
Subject: Private school and divorce
Anonymous wrote:Thoughts about asking my spouse to sign a post nup to make clear I wont pay for private if we get divorced?
The reason being?
A few more questions:
Do you already have kids?
If so, are the kids already in school?
If they are already in school, are they in private or public?
If they are in private school, why would you want them to switch to public just because you got divorced?
If they are in public, why do you think your spouse might want to switch them to private after a divorce? It doesn't net any addition CS in the CP's pocket. It's usually paid to either the school directly or goes from the CP to the the school the same month.
Are you already contemplating divorce and trying to whittle down your potential CS payments in advance? If so, shouldn't you also get a prenup for no orthodontia if you divorce, no travel soccer, no organic milk, no cello lessons, etc?
Anonymous
07/11/2017 10:54
Subject: Private school and divorce
Anonymous wrote:Thoughts about asking my spouse to sign a post nup to make clear I wont pay for private if we get divorced?
I think it sounds like you would be blackmailing your spouse... stay married to you if they want private education for your child.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 09:49
Subject: Private school and divorce
Anonymous wrote:Thoughts about asking my spouse to sign a post nup to make clear I wont pay for private if we get divorced?
That is probably not going to be binding--a court can overrule it if it finds that it's not in the best interests of the child, who is not a party to the contract.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 09:38
Subject: Private school and divorce
Thoughts about asking my spouse to sign a post nup to make clear I wont pay for private if we get divorced?
Anonymous
07/11/2017 09:29
Subject: Private school and divorce
Anonymous wrote:I'm not divorced but have some experience with this.
The short answer to this is yes, they can force you to continue paying for private school. In general, there's some important criteria that courts tend to use:
-If one parent can demonstrate private education is needed, the court can require it.
-Even if there is no way of proving private education is required, if it can be demonstrated that the parents had previously agreed to private education and/or it has already become part of the children standard of living, then as long as there is enough income to support it, the courts can force both parents to continue providing private education.
Like most of these questions, they need to be consulted with an attorney because the answer is always case-specific. But certainly don't expect courts to be ok with forcing a child who has been going to private school to move to a public one simply because their parents are now divorced and one of them wants to keep child support low.
This.
There are exceptions of course. The court will also look at why the parents chose private over public in the first place. In our case, it came down to his claim that I wanted it for religious reasons and my claim that we both chose it due to the higher quality of the k-5 grades. Neither of us had any proof what the other person said at the time, but I was able to introduce statistical evidence from both the zoned ES and the private to show that the public ES was a failing school. It was enough to convince the judge that it was not a unilateral religious preference. My ex could hardly argue he was fine with the low-performing public. DC switched to public after 5th because the zoned MS was equitable to the religious school's 6-8. If we return to private for HS, I'll pay entirely.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 09:28
Subject: Private school and divorce
The economic reality is that private school can cost 30 grand a year and now the same amount of money is supporting two households becomes financially untenable
Anonymous
07/11/2017 09:19
Subject: Private school and divorce
I'm not divorced but have some experience with this.
The short answer to this is yes, they can force you to continue paying for private school. In general, there's some important criteria that courts tend to use:
-If one parent can demonstrate private education is needed, the court can require it.
-Even if there is no way of proving private education is required, if it can be demonstrated that the parents had previously agreed to private education and/or it has already become part of the children standard of living, then as long as there is enough income to support it, the courts can force both parents to continue providing private education.
Like most of these questions, they need to be consulted with an attorney because the answer is always case-specific. But certainly don't expect courts to be ok with forcing a child who has been going to private school to move to a public one simply because their parents are now divorced and one of them wants to keep child support low.
The short answer to this is yes, they can force you to continue paying for private school. In general, there's some important criteria that courts tend to use:
-If one parent can demonstrate private education is needed, the court can require it.
-Even if there is no way of proving private education is required, if it can be demonstrated that the parents had previously agreed to private education and/or it has already become part of the children standard of living, then as long as there is enough income to support it, the courts can force both parents to continue providing private education.
Like most of these questions, they need to be consulted with an attorney because the answer is always case-specific. But certainly don't expect courts to be ok with forcing a child who has been going to private school to move to a public one simply because their parents are now divorced and one of them wants to keep child support low.
Anonymous
07/11/2017 09:11
Subject: Private school and divorce
Spouse is pushing hard for private school for DC. If you got divorced did your agreement obligate you to continue paying for private school? Was this something privately agreed to or forced on you by the courts?