Anonymous
07/04/2017 13:12
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is it better to go for an older guy who is divorced too? I am 29 and I have a toddler. I divorced my husband because he was abusive and we had lots of cultural issues. It's only been a year since we divorced and I'm not sure if I'm ready to try dating again. Anyone advice would be great. Thanks!
You need to slow down. That's my advice. You re 29, divorced, and a mother of a toddler. That tells me you move way to fast in making major life decisions. You get caught up in how thing "feel".
Now it's good that you left an abusive situation, but how much time did you spend really thinking about cultural differences pre marriage vs our love is so strong we can overcome everything? See what I'm saying?
Slow down. Go to counseling. Focus on you and your kid.
Having a toddler at 29 is moving "way to fast"? You talk about her like she's 19, and then throw in a heap of victim blaming.
You're an asshole.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 12:57
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Anonymous wrote:Is it better to go for an older guy who is divorced too? I am 29 and I have a toddler. I divorced my husband because he was abusive and we had lots of cultural issues. It's only been a year since we divorced and I'm not sure if I'm ready to try dating again. Anyone advice would be great. Thanks!
When you feel ready, make sure you've found a babysitter you trust and like and who is good with your toddler. Then be realistic: it's hard to date with a toddler, so be realistic about your schedule.
My advice would be do NOT limit who you date based on some calculation in your mind about who will be most compatible re: schedule/life situation. Just be open to good men. I've got dear male friends in my life who both have kids and don't who would all be amazing to date if a woman they were dating had a young kid (or any kid). I also have male friends who would not be supportive of that, and they know who they are and they tend to try to find women with no kids and make that known early on. A good guy is a good guy, don't think you can figure out an age or situation that means they'll be good with you and your kid. It's not that linear.
Meanwhile, make sure you're feeling good about the rest of your life. If you're not sure you're ready to date yet, focus on the parts of your life that can use some work, work on having a great time with your kid, work on just feeling as good as you can about the rest of your life. Trust me, that will help you loads when you actually start dating!
Anonymous
07/04/2017 11:04
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Anonymous wrote:Is it better to go for an older guy who is divorced too? I am 29 and I have a toddler. I divorced my husband because he was abusive and we had lots of cultural issues. It's only been a year since we divorced and I'm not sure if I'm ready to try dating again. Anyone advice would be great. Thanks!
You need to slow down. That's my advice. You re 29, divorced, and a mother of a toddler. That tells me you move way to fast in making major life decisions. You get caught up in how thing "feel".
Now it's good that you left an abusive situation, but how much time did you spend really thinking about cultural differences pre marriage vs our love is so strong we can overcome everything? See what I'm saying?
Slow down. Go to counseling. Focus on you and your kid.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 11:00
Subject: Re:Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Anonymous wrote:Please focus on your child first. Make sure you can take care of you and your child first and foremost.
Friend of mine was widowed around same age as you with 3 yr old. Decided to start dating, met a guy on match.com. Sounded great, good job, came to visit in very expensive fancy cars, looked like he was off the cover of Abercrombie and Finch. Worked for one of the big time companies out there and owned his own home, he too was widowed. Sounds like a match made in heaven right? Wrong! My friend wasn't in a position to take care of herself and her child and this guy was the path of least resistance. She could have gone back to school and gotten a great career and her and her child would have been great. Instead she married him after just one year of dating.
Turns out lots of stuff she didn't find out about till they were married. Remember the fancy cars? Turns out they were leased for astronomical amount of money and he could have never afforded them flat out. The job, was part of this big company acquiring his company and he couldn't have made it through the interview process and has very little if any room for growth at work. Money runs through his hands like water. He allowed her to believe she would be stay at home mom and he would go out in his fancy cars to his fancy job and provide for them. He failed to mention the level of debt he was in and the credit cards that are routinely maxed out. My friend isn't blameless here, she didn't do her homework and didn't ask many questions and just trusted everything he said. He child can't stand her child and there is an 8 yr age difference, nightmare scenario. I believe he saw her as easy prey because of her circumstance and she saw him as an easy option instead of getting out there and working hard to provide for herself and her child.
Her days now are spent trying to clean and organize this foreclosed house he brought and never did anything to. When she heard he owned his home and found out what he paid for it, it sounded like a huge amount of money to her compared to what she was use to. She saw the house before marrying him and he told her of the big plans to redo kitchen, baths and bunch of other stuff, except there is no money to do any of this.
They have been married a little over a year and I can't be around them. He talks to her like she has an IQ of 50, gives her task to do all day long and lord if she doesn't get them done. He wanted a maid he could sleep with and he got it and she is in a hell of a predicament. Just imagine if she had just focused on herself and her child.
Your friend is just as much a predator as he is. She wanted a windower and an ATM machine.
I feel sorry for the kids in the situation.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 10:53
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Age 50+
Anonymous
07/04/2017 10:52
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
I'm a big believer in starting out as friends first, especially if kids are involved. What about single dads in the same age range?
Anonymous
07/04/2017 10:27
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
There is nothing wrong with dating when you don't have your kid, of course, if you're ready.
I do think it is good to take some time to stabilize your life first. What do you want your life to look like?
I do think it is good to take some time to stabilize your life first. What do you want your life to look like?
Anonymous
07/04/2017 09:25
Subject: Re:Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Please focus on your child first. Make sure you can take care of you and your child first and foremost.
Friend of mine was widowed around same age as you with 3 yr old. Decided to start dating, met a guy on match.com. Sounded great, good job, came to visit in very expensive fancy cars, looked like he was off the cover of Abercrombie and Finch. Worked for one of the big time companies out there and owned his own home, he too was widowed. Sounds like a match made in heaven right? Wrong! My friend wasn't in a position to take care of herself and her child and this guy was the path of least resistance. She could have gone back to school and gotten a great career and her and her child would have been great. Instead she married him after just one year of dating.
Turns out lots of stuff she didn't find out about till they were married. Remember the fancy cars? Turns out they were leased for astronomical amount of money and he could have never afforded them flat out. The job, was part of this big company acquiring his company and he couldn't have made it through the interview process and has very little if any room for growth at work. Money runs through his hands like water. He allowed her to believe she would be stay at home mom and he would go out in his fancy cars to his fancy job and provide for them. He failed to mention the level of debt he was in and the credit cards that are routinely maxed out. My friend isn't blameless here, she didn't do her homework and didn't ask many questions and just trusted everything he said. He child can't stand her child and there is an 8 yr age difference, nightmare scenario. I believe he saw her as easy prey because of her circumstance and she saw him as an easy option instead of getting out there and working hard to provide for herself and her child.
Her days now are spent trying to clean and organize this foreclosed house he brought and never did anything to. When she heard he owned his home and found out what he paid for it, it sounded like a huge amount of money to her compared to what she was use to. She saw the house before marrying him and he told her of the big plans to redo kitchen, baths and bunch of other stuff, except there is no money to do any of this.
They have been married a little over a year and I can't be around them. He talks to her like she has an IQ of 50, gives her task to do all day long and lord if she doesn't get them done. He wanted a maid he could sleep with and he got it and she is in a hell of a predicament. Just imagine if she had just focused on herself and her child.
Friend of mine was widowed around same age as you with 3 yr old. Decided to start dating, met a guy on match.com. Sounded great, good job, came to visit in very expensive fancy cars, looked like he was off the cover of Abercrombie and Finch. Worked for one of the big time companies out there and owned his own home, he too was widowed. Sounds like a match made in heaven right? Wrong! My friend wasn't in a position to take care of herself and her child and this guy was the path of least resistance. She could have gone back to school and gotten a great career and her and her child would have been great. Instead she married him after just one year of dating.
Turns out lots of stuff she didn't find out about till they were married. Remember the fancy cars? Turns out they were leased for astronomical amount of money and he could have never afforded them flat out. The job, was part of this big company acquiring his company and he couldn't have made it through the interview process and has very little if any room for growth at work. Money runs through his hands like water. He allowed her to believe she would be stay at home mom and he would go out in his fancy cars to his fancy job and provide for them. He failed to mention the level of debt he was in and the credit cards that are routinely maxed out. My friend isn't blameless here, she didn't do her homework and didn't ask many questions and just trusted everything he said. He child can't stand her child and there is an 8 yr age difference, nightmare scenario. I believe he saw her as easy prey because of her circumstance and she saw him as an easy option instead of getting out there and working hard to provide for herself and her child.
Her days now are spent trying to clean and organize this foreclosed house he brought and never did anything to. When she heard he owned his home and found out what he paid for it, it sounded like a huge amount of money to her compared to what she was use to. She saw the house before marrying him and he told her of the big plans to redo kitchen, baths and bunch of other stuff, except there is no money to do any of this.
They have been married a little over a year and I can't be around them. He talks to her like she has an IQ of 50, gives her task to do all day long and lord if she doesn't get them done. He wanted a maid he could sleep with and he got it and she is in a hell of a predicament. Just imagine if she had just focused on herself and her child.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 08:47
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Yes focus on your child.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 08:45
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Put your child first and work on your issues so you don't choose another loser. Your ex may have been abusive, but ultimately it was your decision to marry that type.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 08:41
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Do what you like and don't focus so much on dating. Enjoy your child. Get out. Do things you want to do. When you do you are enthusiastic, and that attracts men. Let dating happen organically.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 07:48
Subject: Re:Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
If you are questioning if you're ready then I would wait a bit longer. That said, when you are, you should keep things open and not limit yourself to certain ages or only men who have kids, etc...
29 is young and while I'm sure there will be men who don't want to date someone with a kid, there are likely some (maybe a bit older than you) who are fine with it. I'm not sure what age ranges you would be looking at, but I started dating again at 34 with a toddler and I did date only older men (I think I was more interested in someone with a higher maturity level than my exH). I did find that many men my age were still single/never been married and I just didn't have any luck there. Not sure if it was b/c I was divorced and/or with a kid, but, of course, I wasn't interested in someone who wasn't on board w/ my DD so it was just as well. It just worked out that all of the men I dated had been divorced but some had kids and others didn't. I've been with BF for about a year now - he's older and divorced - no kids - but loves my DD and is wonderful with her.
If you want to date and be with someone again you absolutely should - when you're ready. You being happy is a very good and important thing for your child.
29 is young and while I'm sure there will be men who don't want to date someone with a kid, there are likely some (maybe a bit older than you) who are fine with it. I'm not sure what age ranges you would be looking at, but I started dating again at 34 with a toddler and I did date only older men (I think I was more interested in someone with a higher maturity level than my exH). I did find that many men my age were still single/never been married and I just didn't have any luck there. Not sure if it was b/c I was divorced and/or with a kid, but, of course, I wasn't interested in someone who wasn't on board w/ my DD so it was just as well. It just worked out that all of the men I dated had been divorced but some had kids and others didn't. I've been with BF for about a year now - he's older and divorced - no kids - but loves my DD and is wonderful with her.
If you want to date and be with someone again you absolutely should - when you're ready. You being happy is a very good and important thing for your child.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 00:35
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Sorry, I meant heading to college. It literally is a blink of the eye. If you have a list of 15 things to get done, dating should be #25.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 00:33
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
See the chain about whether to disclose you have a child on the first date. Enjoy your child. You will quite literally turn around and your child will be entering high school. next your child will be asking for the car keys and then heading to car keys. Forget about dating. If someone is meant to come to you they will. enjoy your child and good friends. You have so much time to date even after your child is gone. These are precious moments. Don't distract yourself with random strangers and baubles.
Anonymous
07/04/2017 00:24
Subject: Dating options for a divorced woman with a toddler
Is it better to go for an older guy who is divorced too? I am 29 and I have a toddler. I divorced my husband because he was abusive and we had lots of cultural issues. It's only been a year since we divorced and I'm not sure if I'm ready to try dating again. Anyone advice would be great. Thanks!