Why does her dad get input but not his family? That's silly.

His family shouldn't pay for your lawyer. You need to do that. You don't say if he's upset that you wanted your own lawyer or if he's upset at how ludicrous your demand that he pay for it is.

Prenups aren't uncommon and are a good idea. If you make that much more than him, you could wind up paying him child support if you divorce, despite his parents' wealth.

An inheritance is not community property. Nor are trusts. You guys don't know this stuff?

My husband and I have a pre nup in place. For us it was no big deal - he owns a small business with partners that needed to be protected from divorce and we both have not huge, but not insignificant inheritances possibly coming our way that we felt shouldn't be community property.

It's not romantic, but you're planning for the worst case scenario and the unpredictable disasters. What if you develop a drug addiction after a car accident injury and he thinks you're a danger to yourself and your children,, should he give you half his inheritance? What if he has an affair and contracts and STD and you still earn more than him, should you pay him palimony? Assuming a normal stable marriage, none of the pre nup stuff comes into play.

The bigger issue is your and your fiancé's inability to discuss this calmly and rationally and without his families involvement. Any BS in there about how to raise your kids is ridiculous, but a good lawyer should be able to guide you to a reasonable outcome.

Family money is protected by inheritance laws/ if you are actually more financially stable the pre nup should be protecting you, not him. I'd make sure the terms are in your favor then sign.

As a lawyer, I always advise my friends to have pre-nups in place.

As a guy, I didn't sign one in my first marriage, paid through the nose, and STILL didn't sign one for my second marriage.

I'd sign a pre-nup only after consulting with my own lawyer, not a lawyer paid for by the other party.
I've also defended a pre-nup in court where the plaintiff said she lacked representation because they both used the same lawyer. She lost that case, but it did have merit.
Not sure why you wouldn't sign this but I do agree that it was communicated poorly.

You sound completely reasonable, but I would, probably, do what your dad said to do. Are you ready for ILs to be involved in your life? A lot. From activities to schools to parties. Can you (or will you be able to) be your husband parents' replacement? Otherwise, you will be saying wows to all of them.

Neither one of you should marry. Immature on both your parts

Hire your own lawyer.

You should pay for your own lawyer. Why should his family pay for it? That's not even ethical!

Anonymous wrote:Marrying him would be a no-go for me. Not because of the pre-nup, but because of the way that the whole situation was handled.

I agree with this poster, it was handled poorly and that would be a flag for me. But I personally would absolutely sign a pre-nup. There would be no wedding without one.

Yes the middle ground is signing it but hiring your own lawyer to review and negotiate for anything you want.

I signed one/ it's just the smart thing nowadays:

Marrying him would be a no-go for me. Not because of the pre-nup, but because of the way that the whole situation was handled.

The biggest red flag for me is how tied he is to his parents. You do not want in-laws that involved.
The second red flag was that he got angry that you wanted to consult a lawyer. Why is it ok for him to have a lawyer and not you?

My advice would be to do some pre-marital counseling together before signing anything or setting a wedding date.

I'm recently engaged to a wonderful man from a family that is very successful. My family has done well but not like his. I have a great education, a very good job and I'm financially very independent. I recently received a letter from my fiancés family's attorney that laid out a long list of expectations such as child rearing along with the financial ramifications if the marriage doesn't work out. I was really upset with the letter but understood that this is something that wealthy families do. I told my fiancé that how we raise our children is up to us and no one else and that I'm much more financially secure than he is, in terms of our jobs, and that I have no interest in his family's money. I didn't say that I wouldn't sign a prenup but i said I was going to get legal advice but he needed to pay for it and that I wasn't going to commit to a wedding date until the whole thing was resolved. He got angry at my attitude and then his parents got angry. My Dad likes to keep things simple and told me to simply say a prenup was a no go. He likes my fiancé but believes that marriage vows are all that is important. I agree with my Dad but I'm sure my fiance's parents will stand firm. I really want to tell my fiancé no prenup but i fear his parents vote will rule the day. He's an artist and his parents provide a lot of support so going against them would be difficult for him. Is there a middle ground?